


The Devil's Tears

by tulipblossums



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 89,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23601829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tulipblossums/pseuds/tulipblossums
Summary: Bella and Edward don't speak to each other after the van incident, yet their paths still converge. When Bella is attacked by James' coven in her own home, she is rescued by the Cullen family in the nick of time. Now, Bella must come to terms with her new life as a vampire and her growing attraction to Edward. AU.
Relationships: Edward Cullen/Bella Swan
Comments: 55
Kudos: 218





	1. Eye of the Storm

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

* * *

_If the devil offered you a drink, would you take it?_

_…Only if it promised to be as sweet as you._

* * *

** EDWARD **

The sun went down faster than usual for a spring day in Forks, but I thought nothing of it. When time is all one has, it becomes harder to remember that there’s a natural order for things in the world. I played with a few keys on my piano as everyone settled in for the night. I tried to find the next few notes for the composition I was working on. Esme was sketching a lovely garden path, erasing what she didn’t like after every few minutes. The vision of her new garden in her head was beautiful, with peonies, irises and rose bushes covering wrought iron fences, and pretty marigolds lining the light brown cobblestone bricks of the pathway, leading to a vine-covered pergola with a white bench underneath. Unconsciously, my fingers started playing _Flower Duet,_ and Esme smiled at my choice.

_Do you like the garden I have in mind?_

“Yes,” I mumbled, as my fingers stroked the keys gently up to the crescendo of the song. “Tulips would look lovely between the irises.” Esme mused over my words, bouncing her pencil off her jaw with pursed lips before slowly sketching in some tulips. _I don’t know what color would be best…_

“Ask Alice,” I said, still playing. “She has a nice eye for color.” Alice looked up at me from where she was seated on the big white couch in front of the TV, watching Jasper and Emmett play their video games again. She was slowly running her fingers through Jasper’s unruly blonde hair, calming him as he sought to win yet again in his match with Emmett. _How nice of you to think so highly of my opinion, Edward._ She grinned at me and I grinned back, changing the song I’d been playing to _Für Elise._ Alice giggled, and I smiled softly as I looked down at the keys, changing the tempo to one I deemed fit for Alice’s personality. Alice had once implored me to play my piano for her when she first joined our family, and I finally obliged, titling the evening _Für Alice._ Ever since then, she considered me her own court musician. Alice detangled herself from Jasper, plopping herself down next to Esme and wormed herself into her arms as Esme laughed at her antics. Esme showed Alice her sketch, and they murmured quietly about how each flower complemented each other while varying shades of reds, pinks, purples, and yellows were suggested. Rosalie sauntered by, stopping to look at our mother’s sketch, and murmured that white peonies with pink tulips would look wonderful. Esme and Alice agreed with her assertion and Esme wrote a few notes on another page. As Alice and Esme deliberated the positioning of the new garden, Rosalie moved to sit behind Emmett on the couch. He looked up at her presence and smiled softly, his grin widening when she kissed him on the forehead and turned back to the screen with a newfound vengeance against Jasper. Jasper groaned at this and leaned forward towards the TV, a look of hard concentration on his face as his thumbs tried desperately to fight against Emmett’s sudden burst of confidence. Rosalie leaned back against the couch and cracked open the books she had in her hand, one a textbook on car mechanics, and the other the manual to her BMW.

I could hear Carlisle pull up into the long driveway leading to our house, and listened as he hummed softly to the seventies radio station he had on. I smiled as he glanced towards the small bouquet of roses - vibrant red petals with long green stems - sitting next to him in his car. _I hope Esme likes these, she was in such a good mood about a new garden earlier,_ he thought, and the fragrant smell of roses filled the air. Esme looked up in surprise as Carlisle walked through the door, smiling sheepishly as he walked towards her and presented her with the roses. “Oh, Carlisle…” Esme said quietly as she stood up. “They’re so beautiful.” We all looked on as our parents moved into the kitchen, smiling shyly and joining hands.

“They are so cute,” Alice proclaimed, straining her neck to see the both of them walk out of the room. “Why aren’t we all that cute?”

“Hey, we’re all pretty cute in our own ways, except for Edward.” Emmett snickered. I growled lowly, changing over to the _Funeral March_ on the piano _._ Alice and Jasper laughed loudly at my own joke, while Rosalie rolled her eyes, a smirk beginning to form on her face. Emmett stared blankly at me. _I can’t die, dumbass._

“Doesn’t mean I don’t want you to.” I chuckled darkly. Emmett grinned finally, turning back to the video game while Jasper was distracted. “Hey!” Jasper cried, fumbling with his controller. _Shit shit shit_ he thought, struggling to catch up while Emmett cackled.

“I got a call from the Denali clan while I was at the hospital,” Carlisle said, strolling back into the room with Esme on his arm. Her eyes looked dazed with love, and from her thoughts, I could tell that she had made… _plans_ with Carlisle tonight. I grimaced. I would have to make sure that I’d be out of the house by then, but I usually was these days. Besides Alice, my family didn’t know where I’d been running off to most nights this past couple of months. They thought I was going to my “special place” as Emmett liked to so eloquently put it. My nightly outings started by just taking a walk around the central area of Forks late at night, frustrated with a few things. I ended up catching the scent that I’d come to dread and desire for, and my curiosity got the better of me. I followed my keen sense of smell to _her_ house, and in my foolish daze watched her prepare dinner for herself and her father. By the end of the night, I had seen her entire nightly routine, from finishing homework on her bed to witnessing her fall asleep, books strewn everywhere. I had only done it once before I realized what I was doing, and had been at the meadow every night since.

I shook myself out of my reverie to listen to what my family was saying. There was enough time to worry about that later. “Oh really? What’s up?” Alice asked. Emmett and Jasper finally paused their game long enough to look up at our father, and Rosalie marked her pages before looking up as well.

“Tanya wants us to come and visit for a week. A family reunion she called it.” Carlisle grinned, his white teeth gleaming off the lights in the room. The joke got a few laughs out of all of us. Esme looked at me slyly, or what she thought was sly as she pondered _Maybe this time…_

I grimaced at her thought of Tanya and I embracing in a romantic hug. Esme caught my gaze and her face turned downward. _I’m sorry, Edward. Habits are hard to kill._ I nodded my head, letting her know I’d forgiven her. If habits were hard to kill with humans, they were even more difficult with vampires. She smiled and glided over to me while Carlisle discussed specifics with the rest of the family about going up to Denali over the summer. She rested her arms on my shoulders as she leaned on my head gently, kissing my hair. Her caramel hair brushed past my face as she sighed, leaning her face on my head. Through her mind, I saw the back of myself. My messy bronze hair and the cowlick I could never smooth down, my fingers still flitting past on the piano keys. _Sometimes I forget that just because you can read our thoughts, we never seem to ask about yours._

Instead of giving her a verbal answer, I started playing the song I’d written for her as a mother’s day present years ago. She sighed, closing her eyes as she soaked in the music. She understood that while I had my off days, wishing for someone to understand my burden, I never held it against her or my other family members. _May you find all the happiness in the world, Edward,_ Esme thought. I glanced at her and smiled wryly. She gave me a knowing look. _Despite what you may think, you do deserve happiness._ I knew she wanted me to find a mate and was becoming increasingly concerned over my lack of a romantic life in recent years, but I’d yet to convince her that love just wasn’t in the cards for me.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Alice stiffen as her eyes glazed over with a vision. I tried to pay attention to what she was seeing in her mind, but the vision flashed with so many images at once that it was hard to keep track of what she was seeing. Men and women flashed through Alice’s mind, a brilliant blur of red hair gone with the wind. I glanced upwards to see Esme looking towards Alice with worry, and saw that everyone else was waiting for Alice to snap out of it. Jasper looked at his wife intensely. _This is an unusually long vision. Edward, what is she seeing?_ I shook my head at him, indicating that I couldn’t make sense of what she was seeing. I was starting to feel anxious, but whether that was on my own accord or Jasper’s, I could hardly tell.

“Maybe it’s nothing.” Carlisle murmured, running his hand through his blonde hair, and shrugging off his cardigan.

“Or maybe she sees me winning the Powerball this week. I got to win that money for my baby.” Emmett joked, grinning up at Rosalie. Rosalie rolled her eyes but gave Emmett her hand for him to hold.

The jokes aside, the mood once again turned serious as Alice started shivering. Jasper stood up and made his way over to where Alice sat carefully. “Alice, sweetheart…” He whispered. _What the hell is she seeing?_ An image of a young woman with long brown hair screaming entered my mind, and I jumped, accidentally slamming my hand on the piano keys, creating a horrible dissonance. I was horrified.

“Edward, what’s wrong?” Esme murmured her gold eyes wide with worry as she tried to take my face into her hands, but I wouldn’t budge. All I could do was gawk at Alice in horror. “No…” I muttered. Rosalie shared a glance with Emmett, both of them at me giving me a peculiar look.

“Edward…” Rosalie started.

Suddenly, Alice snapped out of her vision and gasped for breaths she didn’t need. Jasper tried to take her in his arms as she cried out horribly. “Alice, what happened? What did you see?” Jasper exclaimed. Alice looked at me with dread.

“We have to go, we have to go now!” she shouted. “There’s a group of nomads in Forks.” She struggled to get the words out of her mouth.

“Are they hunting humans?” Emmett asked, dead serious. Alice could only shake her head yes, trembling from the aftershock.

“Who? Who are they hunting Alice?” Carlisle asked, taking Alice’s elbow. Alice looked at me sadly while I shook my head, begging for her vision to be wrong. _Don’t say it…_ I thought.

“…The Swans.” Alice choked out.

* * *

** BELLA **

Cold air blew in throughout the room, penetrating through my warm comforter and taking hold of my body. I shivered, trying to fight off the cold, and brought my knees up to my chest as if it would help lull me back to sleep. Just when my eyelids started to feel heavy was when I heard a sudden clang across the hallway. Groaning, I sat up slowly and cracked my sore muscles, yawning loudly. As I blinked rapidly for my eyes to adjust to the dark, I was filled with a sudden dread. Goosebumps rose on my arms, and fear trickled down my spine.

Something was wrong.

I sat up in bed for another minute, trying to hear something and listen to my surroundings. I got up quietly, making sure not to step in certain places in my room where the floorboards creaked. My hand was shaking as I noticed that my window was wide open, letting in the cold March air. I breathed in deeply, trying to calm myself as I got closer to my door and reached for the doorknob. I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself. _Maybe Charlie was trying to get some water and fell._ That thought certainly didn’t help me. My eyes opened suddenly when a sudden shout was heard from Charlie’s room, and I opened the door with a grace I could never muster even on my best days.

“Charlie!” I yelled out, turning my head to where his room was, but I was greeted with the site of the three strangers in the hallway, turning to look at what commotion I caused.

There were two men and a woman standing in front of Charlie’s room with the door open. One of the men smirked as he saw me, looking me up and down as if he liked what he saw. I gasped when I saw his eyes were crimson red. I took a step back, taking note that they all had crimson red eyes and a dangerous, inhuman beauty to them. The man staring at me had a malicious grin on his face, his brown hair just covering the top of his forehead. The other man was slightly smaller and tanner in appearance than the other one. He raised an eyebrow at me as if I’d just interrupted a serious meeting. The woman was deathly pale, and had long, unruly red curls and bright red lips that turned into a grin. A sticky like substance covered all of their mouths and in horror, I realized it was blood.

“Who are you?” I whispered, backing away from them, ready to bolt into my room and block the door.

“Oh dear, did we not introduce ourselves? We came to dinner just like that!” The woman laughed, getting a few snickers out from the man with brown hair.

“I-I’m calling the police,” I said quietly and turned to run back into my room. I had no chance, however, as the brown-haired man appeared right next to me. I yelped, jumping backward as he leered at me and grabbed my elbow, crushing it in a tight vice. I screamed at the shooting pain and I doubled over in tears. “Dad! DAD!” I screamed for Charlie, tears falling from my eyes. The man who had my arm chuckled, and grabbed my face, forcing me to look up at him. He stared down at me, his face devoid of any emotion.

“You asked us who are we? Well, I’m James,” He gestured towards himself, and pointed towards the other two. “That’s Laurent and Victoria.”

“It’s so sweet of you to offer yourselves to us,” Victoria laughed. The man they called Laurent rolled his eyes.

“Can we stop playing with our food please?” My eyes widened at them calling me their food. I tried to shake myself out of James’ grasp but I was only causing myself more pain. James kicks me suddenly, bringing me to my knees. I howled at the sudden contact. It felt as if my knee had just been shattered. As I gasped for breath, I noticed that Victoria and Laurent had moved closer to me, allowing me to see into Charlie’s room. What I saw shattered my heart. Charlie, lying lifeless on the floor, deathly pale with multiple bite marks around his neck. If I hadn’t known any better, if I hadn’t seen the bite marks, I would have assumed he might have fallen down and had a heart attack. I sobbed at the sight of him, salty tears falling into my mouth as I gasped for breath.

I never thought I’d die like this.

An ice-cold hand covered my mouth, pressing hard. I thrashed against it as I was being pulled to the floor, trying to kick wherever. All I succeeded in doing was kicking my foot against Laurent’s shin, and a sharp pain went through my heel. I tried to scream for help as James held my arms out, my left arm crooked at the elbow. “Shhh,” Victoria whispered into my ear, smothering me. “It’ll be over soon.” It was strangely soothing, and at that moment I knew there would be no escape for me. This was the end of my life. I’d never been a crier, but in those last moments, as I looked upon the faces of the people who’d kill me, all I could do was lament at my fate.

James breathed in deeply, closing his eyes as if to take in the moment, exhaling with ecstasy. “God, you smell wonderful.” He looked down at me and grinned, his sharp teeth dripping with blood. “Your father was nothing compared to you.” He leaned in closer to my neck and brought his hand to stroke the side of it. I shivered in fear, hoping he would just get it over with. As if he read my mind, he looked me in the eye. “I’m going to savor every last drop.”

A sudden crash from inside my room startled everyone. Laurent and Victoria left my side to protect James’ flank. In the confusion, James takes one last look at me and smirks, sinking his teeth into my neck. I scream and try to push him off of me, but he was too strong. He sucked eagerly at my blood. My chest heaves with panic, and I feel faint very suddenly. My body burns with a painful fever and I thrash on the floor, trying somehow to get it to stop. In a moment of lucidity, I noticed that James wasn’t at my neck anymore, but being choked at his neck by a man with short blonde hair. He was tall, and he looked strangely familiar, but the pain started again. My voice went shrill with the agony. My neck was slick from my blood, and I tried to raise my arm to stop the bleeding, but I could only hit myself from the lack of focus. All around me were sounds of fighting. Two other men were standing off with Laurent, cornering him. Another man with bronze hair was circling Victoria in the doorway of my room. The fire in my veins would come and go in waves, only getting stronger each time it returned. I was shaking, suddenly freezing from the last wave.

Another crash got my attention. I was breathing hard, and it was difficult to see what was going on, but the bronze haired man and the blonde man were now ganging up on James. The blonde man threw James into a wall, crushing the plaster and cracking the foundation. A giant with curly brown hair walked into my vision, looking at me curiously. He was saying something, but I couldn’t hear what. He turned towards the other men, running to join them in their fight.

“Isabella? Isabella, can you hear me?” My eyes tried finding the source calling my name, and another blonde man appeared. He looked concerned and moved to stop my limbs from flailing. His face looked pained as he scanned my body, and made a face at all my open wounds.

“Why are you here?” The bronze haired man said to James. He had him in a chokehold. James struggled to choke out an answer. “You’re a tracker, aren’t you?”

James grinned. “Maybe so.”

“You knew there was a coven here. This is OUR territory.” One of the men growled. A ringing started in my ears as the intensity of the pain came back tenfold. I could only hear bits and pieces of the conversation from my own screaming. The next time I opened my eyes, I saw the giant man chase Victoria out of the window, disappearing as quickly as they had come. I turned my head, watching as the other men tore an arm and a leg off of James. James roared and stared down the man with reddish-brown hair. His eyes widened as he realized something, and he gave something of a grin to him.

“You smell it, don’t you? Her blood? You want it just as much as I do.” He taunted. “She’s your _singer._ ” He whispered towards the man, laughing.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” The man growled.

“Yes, you do. Your eyes were gold, and now they’re black as night. You’re shaking with desire right now!” James laughed. The man struck him across the face. James looked up bitterly then. I whimper suddenly as the heat overtook me once again. The blonde man sitting with me put his ice-cold hands on my face, trying to cool me down. Everyone else looks at me, glancing at my sudden outburst.

“You better go have a taste boy, while you still can,” James muttered. The man holding him looked back at me with such concern. I could almost recognize him. _Who are you? How do I know you?_ “Do you remember what butter tasted like? What it felt like? Her blood is so much _smoother_ than that.” James taunted. “Since her blood is turning into venom, I’ll give you a small taste of what it was like.” James then spits my blood all over the man’s face. The man lost control then, pummeling James. The blonde man who’d been by my side joined him as they fought against James. Finally, they both succeed in ripping off James’ head. The man with my blood all over his face roars, and through my bleary eyes I could see the bloodlust and uncontrollable anger all over his face.

One of the men took him by his shoulders and shook him, only stopping so they could both breathe. “Edward, you have to calm down.” The giant man who escaped through my window climbed back in at that moment. “Emmett, what happened?” The blonde man asked.

The giant man shook his head. “She tricked me and escaped. I’m sorry Carlisle.”

“It’s alright; we’ll deal with it later. Emmett and Jasper, take care of the bodies and the scene here. We may have to come back later, but for now, take care of these two. Edward, go hunt.”

“I’m fine.” A velvet voice contested, but he struggled to get the words out.

“You’re clearly not. I won’t allow you to be anywhere near her while she’s so bloody and vulnerable. Take Emmett and Jasper as well, you all need it from the looks of it.”

“I-”

“This is _not_ up for debate.”

“…Carlisle...what happens next?”

All of these names were so familiar, but I can’t focus, I can barely speak. I tried to think of where I knew them from, but another wave of intense pain shot up my arms. There was a burning in my lungs as I struggled for breath. I felt my burning body being lifted into someone’s arms, and as they carried me down the stairs I tried to open my eyes enough to get a good look at them. One of the blonde men was carrying me, and I narrowed my eyes trying to remember where I knew him. Short blonde hair, tall and light gold eyes were all I could make out as the man placed me in the back seat of a car. Another wave came for me, a thousand needles pricking at my veins and nerves. I tried to grab onto something, anything to keep me from passing out. The car started, and we were suddenly moving, away from everything I’d ever known. I tore at the soft leather seats with my nails, wishing for it all to stop, begging myself to wake up from this nightmare. I was losing my bearings, but when the man met my gaze through his rear mirror, I realized who my saviors were.

The Cullens. 


	2. Gentle & Rigid

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

* * *

** EDWARD **

Isabella Swan would be a vampire in mere days.

Jasper sped off, driving deep into Washington’s forests as we all struggled to get away from the scent of human blood and destruction. Jasper gripped the steering wheel of my Volvo tight. I usually would have said something about destroying my car, but it wasn’t a priority for me at the moment. Jasper had to deal with all of our emotions, and endure heavy bloodlust times three. He was entitled to destroy my car if he wanted to right now. Emmett had his head in his hands, grabbing at his curls as his mind struggled to forget the sweetness of blood. _How did Edward stand it that day when she moved here? It felt like I was in a hotbox with melted sugar._ From his thoughts, I could see that Emmett’s opinion of me had been raised, and while a small, smug part of me wanted to scream _I told you so,_ I couldn’t.

Stuck in my own thoughts, I didn’t notice when Jasper had stopped the car in our usual hunting grounds. The moon was hiding behind clouds as if it were ashamed that what happened to Bella happened on its watch. We all stormed out of the car, eager to drink something to satisfy the burn in our throats. We walked into the dark forest, keeping our eyes strained for any animals. Constellations shone brightly, guiding our way from civilization. Soon the tops of pine and maple trees were all that was left of the sky, and we were in the complete coverage of the canopy. Emmett thought about trying to find some bears at this hour but would have settled for a mouse if that’s all he could get. Jasper thought along the same lines, but he would have tried a little harder than Emmet would have. I saw the shimmering of a pond nearby, and I walked over to it. Bending down, I see my reflection in the still, murky water.

I’m startled by what I see. Bella’s blood is all over my face, speckled onto my shirt. My auburn hair was messier than usual, and I looked exhausted, the dark circles under my eyes prominent. In frustration, I splashed my reflection, disturbing the quiet life of the pond. A frog jumps out near the bank, creaking with annoyance at my disruption. I grunt, and I go to wash the blood off. I washed my face at least four times, and even though the blood was gone, the scent still lingered all around me. Bella’s blood permeated itself into my marble skin, and I would carry her on me for days. I breathed in shakily, trying to steel my resolve. The itch for blood burned in my throat even more deeply than it did the day I met Bella Swan. The demon in me whispered for me to go back to the house, to put Bella out of her misery. _She’ll be miserable,_ it whispered. _Take her. Finish what he started._ In the distance, I could hear Emmett grunting as he took down an elk, the poor creature crying for help from its herd. Emmett was a messy hunter, and I’m sure I would have bloodstains all over my Volvo once again. I wasn’t sure where Jasper had run off to, but he was always a quiet hunter. He and I were alike that way. We preferred the silence of the hunt, only making noise when we found something worth fighting.

I stood up, trying to listen for any nearby wildlife, but I was too distracted. Thoughts of Bella Swan turning into a vampire as I stood in the forest hunting haunted me. Months of avoiding her had gone down the drain. I had avoided her like the plague, for her own good. I couldn’t risk losing control near her, but over time I started to desire more from her than just her blood. Everything about her enticed me. Her long, chocolate brown hair that shined red in the sunlight. Her shimmering brown eyes would narrow at my lack of response. Her lips stretching into that beautiful smile as she laughed with friends. My family noticed my fascination with her since I saved her from being crushed by Crowley’s van, and I had to avoid being so obvious.

After the incident with the van, Bella had been so close to finding out about our secret. She was much more observant than her counterparts, and like a fool, I had underestimated her persistence. It pained me to ignore her every day in biology when all she was saying was hello, but it was for the best. I thought I was able to protect my family and her if I just stopped interacting with her. She soon realized I did not want to be friends and reciprocated my treatment of her. I started to watch her through the other student’s thoughts. She was selfless to a fault, giving more to others than what they gave to her. Whenever someone annoyed her, she responded in a dry sarcastic voice. She smiled and nodded at Jessica Stanley’s gossip. She helped Angela Weber get over her insecurities. She was usually bored in Trig class, teetering on the edge of sleep. She took charge of her English group project because she didn’t trust Mike Newton to work on it. I smiled as I thought about the image of her falling down in gym class every day. I wasn’t sure why I even wanted to be friends with her in the first place. One hundred years of solitude hadn’t caused me to reach out to someone like this before. My… _curiosity_ with her was causing me to be reckless with her life. The night I watched her from her window was the night I vowed never again to do something so precarious again. I wasn’t only putting Bella’s life at stake; I was putting the identity of my own existence as well. I couldn’t be friends with her – ever.

I catch a whiff of a mountain lion stalking nearby, and I take off. It must have been injured, as I smelt blood. I smiled; at least it would be an easy catch. I was the fastest in my family, and I was confident that catching this mountain lion would be able to satisfy my thirst before we would go back to the house. Nearing the animal, I slowed down to a slow jog before crouching down. Hiding in some thorny bush, I watched as the mountain lion scrutinized her surroundings carefully. Her sleek tan coat shimmered with beads of sweat, and I felt my mouth pool with venom. She was breathing heavily. She must be more injured than I thought. It wouldn’t be a fight like I enjoyed, but it would be enough for me. I wasn’t as careful as I thought I was because I stepped on a twig at that moment, inwardly cursing as the lion whipped her head in my direction. She narrowed her big golden eyes, her pupils dilating with adrenaline as she searched for a predator in her midst. Just as I was about to attack, I heard a small mewling sound come from the mountain lion. The lion looked underneath her, and hiding between her legs and belly was a small cub, eyes barely opened. I hissed. The cub must have been born recently, explaining the strong smell of blood coming from the area, and the lion looked down at her child, pawing at the cub’s back. The mountain lion looked back up, trying to sniff out any danger that may come for her baby. I growled lowly, my appetite gone. I couldn’t attack a mother protecting her young. I purposefully made noise with some leaves, so the lion would leave. She looked again in my direction, finding me. It seemed like she was staring me down and daring me to pounce. We looked at one another for a beat, and then she grabbed her cub by the nape of its neck, carrying it off to safety.

I cursed loudly. I was in a horrible mood now. I wasn’t usually so soft towards my meals. I stood up, shaking off some dirt that had collected on my shirt. I tried to listen to some more wildlife nearby, but I could hardly hear anything. I made a note to myself that if I ran into the same mountain lion tonight that I would definitely be eating her, cub be damned. A quick rustling some ten meters away gave an inkling that a fox was nearby. Good enough.

It was easy enough to catch and easier to subdue the fox. I drank greedily from its neck, sucking the poor animal dry. I was done with this catch in a matter of minutes. I licked my teeth after I threw the body somewhere behind me, trying to not waste any blood left on my teeth. Jasper came into my head. _There are more elk nearby if you’re struggling._ I sent off a wave of gratitude towards him, running in his direction.

Sometime later, when our thirsts were satisfied, we had gathered near the car again. Emmett sat down on a heavy boulder nearby, and Jasper was staring at the beginnings of dawn in the far distance, sighing heavily.

“We should go back soon.” Jasper murmured. Emmett shook his head.

“I don’t know if I can handle it,” Emmett said sadly, remembering the pain he went through during his transformation and shivered. _I’ve never seen another transformation before._ Emmett looked at me. “What do we do, Edward?”

I shook my head slowly, still in disbelief. Both of my brothers looked at me curiously. “There’s nothing we can do, but watch.” My voice came out hoarsely. “Carlisle tried many times to give us some opium to dull the pain, but it does nothing. He tried to double the amount of opium for you during your transformation, but Esme was worried it might react badly with the venom.” I said to Emmett. He looked dejected, looking at the ground while picking up a stick from where he was from and snapping it in two. Jasper jumped at the noise, closing his eyes in pain. He emitted waves of deep pain, affecting me and Emmett. It was a memory of all the transformations he’d gone through, and now he would have to feel another one. I itched at my skin subconsciously, wondering how the hell we got into this mess.

* * *

The drive back to the house was long and slow. I took my time driving for once, hoping that it would take us three days to reach what was usually an hour's drive. Alas, we reached home sooner than we all would have liked. With our hearing, we could hear Bella’s screams a mile from the house, and it only became more intense as we inched our way up the driveway. I looked at my brothers through the rearview mirror and saw Jasper digging his nails into his jeans, his eyes tightly closed as he received the burn of her transformation. He stopped himself from whimpering in pain. Emmett, huge as he was, suddenly looked small and terrified in his seat, his now bright topaz eyes wide with fear. I parked in the garage next to Rosalie’s red BMW but made no move to turn off the engine or even unbuckle my seatbelt. Rosalie came out of the door leading into the house, motioning for us all to come in. It was odd to see Rosalie with worry on her face. Her eyes were starting to turn dark. The last time I’d seen her that way was when Emmett was transformed, back in 1935. None of us made any move whatsoever to get out of the car, hoping she’d ignore us. Rosalie glared at me, then Jasper and finally to Emmett, narrowing her eyes. Emmett sighed, making a move to get out of the backseat. “Sorry brothers,” He mumbled. Jasper rolled his eyes. _Sorry, my ass._

“Where is she?” I asked, slowly turning my legs to get out of the car, but not actually standing up.

“In the guest bedroom,” Rosalie sighed. “Carlisle had to strap her arms down so she wouldn’t throw herself off the bed.” My dead heart sank at that. Rosalie motioned for us all to come inside. As we did, Bella’s sobs became louder, piercing our eardrums. I could hear Esme trying to soothe her, running her hand down the length of Bella’s face. Through her mind, I saw Bella crying, trying her hardest to toss and turn but the straps on her wrists were laced tightly. I had a sudden urge to vomit, even though I knew nothing would come up. Her skin was already becoming paler, translucent ivory. The natural blush in her cheeks was fading away, and I felt a small pang in my chest. Jasper glanced at me from the corner of his eyes, most likely wondering why I was so filled with sorrow. He’d been feeling my confusion for the past few weeks, probably wondering what the hell I wasn’t telling him. _If I didn’t know any better, I might have thought you were grieving her Edward._ If he was trying to goad me into answering him, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“Where’s Alice?” I asked instead. She was nowhere to be seen, and nowhere to be heard. Without her, we would have never seen this mess coming. From what I gleaned from James’ mind, he had caught her scent in Seattle but lost it near a crowded halfway point. He’d only caught the scent again near the city limits, following it on a whim. Alice’s vision had given us a heads up, but not in time to save Bella and her father.

“Speak of the devil,” Rosalie muttered, nodding her head towards the front door where Alice was making her way through, her tiny hands clutching a duffle bag. She caught us staring at her and she smiled sadly. She held up the bag. “I went to her house to get some possessions. Reminders of who she was. I know I would have wanted some.” She spoke, looking at the ground. We were all troubled by that. We had no idea if Bella would retain her human memories once she woke up, and even then it would take weeks to determine how much she did remember. Rosalie and I were lucky to have had Carlisle with us when we changed. He knew how important it was to remember who we were before the change, and he secured whatever reminders we wanted when we were newborns. Emmett never really cared for his background, citing that the past was the past and that Rosalie was his present and his future. Jasper didn’t remember much of his life before the Civil War and didn’t want to. Alice though had no memory of what happened to her except for the few details leading up to her transformation.

Jasper smiled at his wife. “I’m sure she’ll like that, love.” Alice looked up then, giving us an exhausted smile.

“What’d you pick up?” Emmett asked, trying to switch the subject. Anything to not hear Bella’s constant screams of pain.

Alice unzipped the bag, rifling through it. “Um, just some knick-knacks and a couple of photos. A sweater she wore all the time at school.” She looked up at me, her amber eyes filled with regret. “I didn’t want to pick up too much. It would have looked suspicious.” She handed Emmett a plain brown photo frame, and he clutched it with both hands, staring at it. Rosalie leaned over her husband’s massive arms to get a look at it too. Through their minds, it was a picture of Bella and her dad; hugging awkwardly in front of that monstrous machine she called her truck. It was a sweet picture of the two of them, and it must have been taken when she moved to Forks. Her father was a quiet man, but he’d been giddy as all can be in the days leading up to her arrival. I heard his quiet thoughts at the grocery store the day before she would arrive, picking up her favorite foods as I browsed the aisles with Esme, trying our best to look normal and ‘human’. Esme asked about his jovial mood when we ran into him near the dairy aisle, and he beamed as he told us all about his daughter. In his mind, she was even better behaved and educated than us ‘Cullen kids’.

I dreaded telling Bella what she’d become once she wakes up, what she had lost her father and her life to. A newborn in grief was not something to witness. Alice glanced at me, eyes flashing. _We’ll cross that bridge once we reach it._

Carlisle came down from his study, looking more exhausted than usual. The dark circles under his eyes looked more pronounced, and his bright gold eyes had become dark amber. Carlisle had the most restraint of the family, but even he was susceptible to becoming thirsty in a closed environment. Sometimes I wondered how he managed to be a doctor, surrounded by blood all day long. “I…” Everyone turned towards him, hanging off of his words as he looked at us from the stairs. “I think I’ve done all that can be done for now.” He sighed, walking slowly to where we are.

“So…we just wait?” Emmett asked. Carlisle shook his head, sitting down finally. He sighed as he leaned back.

“Yes. That’s all we can do.”

“We should start preparing for the aftermath.” Jasper murmured under his breath. “We’re still too close to civilization, especially with a newborn in our midst.”

Carlisle cracked his neck, rubbing it with his hand. “We should worry about the scene left back at the Swan house first. Have you taken care of the bodies?”

Emmett nodded his head. “They’re burning in a pit deep in the woods. They’ll be ashes in a few hours. It’ll look like a controlled forest fire by daylight.”

“It was just the woman who escaped then?” Carlisle asked.

“Yes, Jasper and I destroyed one of them, and Edward destroyed the one who bit the girl,” Emmett said quietly. “I went after the woman, but she tricked me.” _I still don’t know how either,_ He thought, beating himself up.

“So we have to keep watch for a widowed mate too,” I muttered.

Emmett looked at me, confused. “How do you know she was his mate?”

“She was the last thing he thought of. They were mates.”

“So she’ll want revenge against you.”

“Most likely.”

Esme walked carefully down the stairs, her once cheerful mood now gone. Her face looked solemn as she was deep in thought, deeply concerned for Bella. She slowly took a seat next to Carlisle, and leaned her head on his shoulder, her eyes burning into the floor. Esme’s great maternal instinct could hardly stand to see any child in pain. From her thoughts, I could tell she also concerned with what she had just heard. A vampire out for revenge wasn’t something we needed at the moment.

“We have to decide what to do once Isabella wakes up,” Carlisle said, defeated. Esme took a look at her husband, rubbing his arm in hopes it might soothe him.

“Bella,” I mumble, looking at the floor. My family looks at me in surprise.

“What?” Carlisle asks.

“Um…” I stutter, realizing my mistake. “She prefers Bella,” I say quietly, hoping no one will hear me. But of course, they do. Carlisle cocks an eyebrow at me. _So Esme was right, he’s more interested in her then we thought._ I wish I could growl at him, but I wouldn’t dare challenge my father. I was more taken aback that I wasn’t as secretive as I thought when it came to my fascination with Bella.

Rosalie glowers at me, questioning what the hell I thought I was doing. Emmett gives me a pointed look, wondering the same. “So what do we do once _Bella_ wakes up?” Emmett asks me. I look away.

“Well, we can’t leave a newborn alone. That’ll be genocide.” Esme murmurs.

“Do we take her to Alaska?” Jasper asked.

Alice stiffened, looking for visions of the future. We sat quietly while she tried to piece together certain events. Once she’d gotten a solid vision, I looked in on it and was immediately defeated. There would be no escape into the night for all of us. Alice shook her head slightly, ridding herself of the vision.

“No, we can’t. At least not right away. The humans will suspect us if we leave so soon after the Chief’s murder and Bella’s disappearance. It’ll start as a silly rumor but people will start to take it seriously if we disappear without a trace.” Alice says, rubbing her forehead. “It’s times like this where I wish I could pop an Advil.”

“It’ll be a witch hunt if we leave right now then,” Carlisle says, rubbing his hand across his forehead.

“What if we stay until we graduate?” Emmett suggests, looking at all of us. “Jasper, Rosalie and I could graduate for the fiftieth time, and then we make some excuse to go back to Alaska.”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Jaspers says, rubbing his chin. He was wincing every so often from the pain Bella was emitting and looked deeply disturbed.

“But we still can’t risk having her here in Forks,” I say. Everyone looks towards me, knowing I was right.

“Well…what if I take her up to Alaska by myself?” Esme throws out, and we all blink in surprise.

Jasper butts in. “Esme, she’ll be a newborn. You’ll need all of us.”

“And I’ll have all of you once you’re done with school. But we can stay maybe a few days, just until things settle down and I’ll go to Alaska with Bella. We can say that my aunt is terminally sick, and I’d like to be with her.” Esme explains. “And the Denali Clan would help us as well. Tanya wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“We can have Alice and Edward move with you as a helping hand.” Carlisle muses. “They can switch off with each other every week until we announce we’re all moving up to Alaska.”

“Why should we even move?” Rosalie asked angrily. “We don’t even know if she’ll take to our diet, and we’re already making plans to uproot our lives from here.” For some reason, I was angered by Rosalie’s comments, but I knew she was coming from the right place. For once, she wasn’t actually just thinking about herself, at least not completely, but coming from a place of concern.

“I agree,” Jasper said. “But it’s too risky leaving a newborn by herself, even in the Alaskan wilderness. She’ll need guidance.” Rosalie glared at Jasper for playing devil’s advocate.

“Well, why wouldn’t she join us? She’s a rational person,” Alice says. “I don’t think she’d be the type of vampire to drink from humans anyways. She’s stubborn.”

“You could say that again,” I mumbled under my breath, remembering what a hard time I had convincing her to back off after the van incident. Alice looks at me slyly, and I notice that she’s hiding her thoughts from me behind a curtain of Dior dresses from the newest catalog. “What are you hiding Alice?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at her.

She grins. “Nothing of consequence. Besides, you’ll know the future soon enough.” Esme stares at me, her eyes flitting back and forth between the two of us, wondering what Alice could be hiding from the rest of the family. Alice winks at our mother, giggling slightly. Esme hesitates before offering a kind smile, trusting her daughter. I didn’t though, and for Alice to be up to something at a time like this annoyed me.

“Well, we do have one more urgent errand to run.” Carlisle sighs.

“What’s that?”

“We have to call the Quileute’s.”


	3. Rigor Mortis

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

Fire.

Ice.

Pain.

Torment.

Fever.

Utter torture.

My nerves were being dipped in ice, freezing over as my organs were thrown into a fire pit. How long had I been crying out for help? Months? Years? The agony that attacked my bones refused to stop, and I couldn’t thrash out due to something holding a tight grip on my wrists and forearms. I could feel the smallest bead of sweat roll down my body. I could smell something in the air – sharp, tinted with iron – but I couldn’t place it. A woman would come to me every so often, her sweet low voice whispering to me. She smelled familiar, like the scent of earth after it rained. I tore at the sheets underneath me, gasping for breath as convulsions overtook me. My throat was sore and burning. Was I screaming louder? Why would no one help me? I had no way of telling time. At first, I could hear the whisperings of other people, but now it was like they spoke loudly.

“She’ll wake soon.”

“I think we’re prepared for now. Time is never on our side when someone turns.”

“Will she be thirsty Alice? Will she try to run off?”

Would I wake up soon? But what was soon in a lifetime of torture? I whimpered as they talked amongst themselves. I strained myself to listen, to distract from the pain that was eating at my insides. _Listen!_ I forced myself. _Listen and the pain will fade away._

“Have you prepared everything for the meeting with the Quileute’s?”

“Yes. We’ll meet at the treaty line. Billy Black informed me that there are search parties for Bella in both Forks and La Push, but people are starting to give up since it’s been three days. He said people are terrified. They’re starting to think this was premeditated against the Swans.” A harsh burst of ice entered my chest at that moment, and I cried out loudly. I gagged and tried to scratch at myself. My skin felt hard and cold, but at the moment I felt hotter than a blue fire. The fever was taking me.

“Edward, you’ll be coming with me. I want Alice and Emmett with us as well.”

“Shouldn’t I come?”

“Jasper, you should stay here in case Bella wakes up. It’s this stage of the transformation that may take more or less time. Rosalie, are you okay with staying to help Esme and Jasper?”

“I’m fine as long as I don’t have to smell those wet dogs.”

The conversation died, and I felt the vibrations of people leaving. There was a floral smell in the room I was in. Gardenias? Maybe it was Honeysuckle? I felt my mouth water with a thick substance into the space underneath my tongue. It tasted acrid, like it had been boiling in a chemical factory and someone poured it into my body. The thirst I felt grew, and I tried to call out for some water. My body started to cramp and I screamed in pain. I felt my heart beating faster as the fire blew through my arteries. My ribcage was near collapse and pressing heavily on my lungs, and I could hardly breathe. _This is it._ I thought. _My last moments._ I scream again, a guttural howl escaping my throat. My left arm breaks free out of whatever was holding it captive, and I immediately direct it towards my throat, scratching and clawing at my neck. Hands grab at me, forcing my limbs down. I whine at their show of cruelty. _Set me free,_ I moan. _Set me free, please._

“Shhh sweetheart, it’s almost over.”

“Is it really?” An alluring voice asks.

“Almost. We have some time I believe.” A deeper voice replied.

At that moment, something shifted within me. My heart was overtaken by whatever had inflicted my body, squeezing the chambers like a python overtakes a lamb. I wail with pain, electric signals racing down my spine and into every nerve as I gasp and sob. I convulse, sharp and shooting pains running down my back and into my jaw while my heart starts to beat erratically. A deep pressure is placed on my sternum as my chest tightens. I can hear a woman – the same woman who’s been visiting me – give instruction to whomever else was in the room, and I’m held down then by cold and heavy hands. I buck away from their touch, hissing. Suddenly, my chest heaves and I exhale.

My heart stops beating.

* * *

** EDWARD **

I lean against a towering tree deep within the Hoh forest as Carlisle, Emmett and Alice pace around the car. Carlisle glances at his watch for the tenth time as Emmett beckons Alice to a staring contest. She eagerly engages, leaning her elbows against my Volvo as she looks up at our towering brother, widening her bright golden eyes at him. Emmett stares down at Alice, narrowing his eyes as she grins. It’s a convincing glare, but Alice is the definition of a classic trickster. She raises her eyebrows towards him and then stiffens suddenly. I snort, seeing through her plan immediately. Emmett blinks in surprise at her sudden ‘vision’ but Alice breaks out of her false vision, grinning madly. Emmett curses loudly. “Goddammit Alice, can you be fair for once in your life?” Alice and I snicker but quiet down once Carlisle looks back at us. It was a nice distraction while it lasted, but soon we were back to waiting quietly.

“Where are they?” I hiss impatiently. Another ten minutes had flown by, and there was a strong possibility that Bella might wake up while we were gone. As much as I was dreading her reaction, I strangely felt a desire to be near her during the difficult transition.

“I thought dogs were supposed to have a sense of direction,” Emmett mutters.

“They’ll be here soon,” Alice prophesized, sitting on the trunk of my car. I frowned. I wish my siblings wouldn’t abuse my car as much as they did. It already took such a beating driving us all to school, and Alice was the most frequent borrower of my poor Volvo. She should suck it up and get her own car. As if _she_ were the mind reader, Alice turned to me and grinned. _I like yellow._ She tapped her temple and smirked, showing me images of a sleek yellow Porsche. I rolled my eyes, hiding my inward smile. If we got through this situation all right, I could _maybe_ discuss with Jasper about getting Alice her own car. I knew better than to make a decision just now though, trying to only think in the hypothetical in case Alice was watching her future for a brand new car.

“They’re here,” Emmett announces, and we all stand up a little straighter. Alice makes no move to stand up from her spot on my car and instead folds her legs Indian style, tapping her fingers on the smooth metal of the car rhythmically. In the distance, four large wolves hulked alongside a figure in a wheelchair, their figures shrouded in the fog. I gag from the smell and turn my head to try and cough politely. Billy Black soon made himself apparent, rolling himself in his rusted wheelchair. His russet skin was etched with lines from years of wear and from the stress of leading the tribe for years. A red-furred wolf walked closely beside him, sometimes adjusting the shawl covering Billy’s shoulders, shielding him from the brittle cold wind. I could hear their thoughts better as they drew nearer, and was surprised to hear the wolves communicating with each other through their thoughts. How I had missed that detail when we first made the treaty beats me. Perhaps the wolves back then were more guarded around us, taking extra care not to reveal any secrets of the pact. This pack was younger and more inexperienced.

_Can we trust them?_

_We have no choice. They know what the other nomad looks like, and they have her scent attached to small things._

_I still don’t like it. The Chief’s daughter should be destroyed._

At that, I growl audibly, and Carlisle looks up in surprise. Emmett cocks an eyebrow at me, and Alice grimaces, giving me a look. _Cool it,_ she says. _We can’t afford to antagonize them._ The wolves were finally on the other side of the divide, and a white spotted wolf bares his teeth at me. I stare him down as he thinks a string of curses at me. One of the other wolves laughs, the sound coming out like a broken whine until a pure black wolf snarls at all of them, silencing them. They whine and bow in submission.

Carlisle clears his throat, looking at each of the wolves until his eyes finally rest on Billy. “Thank you for meeting with us. We know this isn’t the best situation, but we’re ready to work with you all.”

Billy shakes his head, his straight black hair blowing in the wind. “We appreciate the information, Carlisle. But if we’re to find this nomad, we need more information.”

Alice bursts out of her silence. “I had a vision.” Billy looks at her in surprise, as if just noticing the small girl dangling her legs off of the car.

_Are you guys hearing this shit?_

_Did she suck on someone’s blood with cocaine in their system?_

_What the hell is she on?_

_She’s distracting us. I still think these bloodsuckers attacked the Swans._

_Paul, shut up. Now is not the time. We followed the scent of nomads all over the surrounding woods and near Chief Swan’s house._

Alice began her tale as I continued to rifle through the wolves’ thoughts. The largest wolf, the red-furred one paying a great deal of attention to Billy, was his son Jacob. Even though Jacob was clearly the largest and most dominating, he wasn’t the alpha. The pure black wolf that beat the others into submission was. The other two wolves I wasn’t impressed with. Jared, the brown wolf, had a confusing mix of thoughts, his mind wandering to something else as soon as he was done thinking of something else. Paul, the white-spotted wolf that I’d been having a staring contest with continued to throw out that our coven attacked Chief Swan and Bella and that we should be taken out while we’re here. I was thrown out of my reverie while Alice finished telling the Quileute’s what happened. Emmett threw out a description of the woman who escaped, producing a small patch of fabric that had been ripped from her shirt as she climbed out Bella’s window. 

Billy stroked the arm of his wheelchair, not looking at any of us. “So she’s set to wake up soon then?”

Carlisle nodded his head sadly. “Yes, it shouldn’t be more than a couple of hours now,” Jacob whined softly, rubbing his nose on Billy’s arm. Billy smoothed down the fur on his son’s face, trying not to look upset in front of us. Chief Swan and Billy had been best friends, and Jacob grew up with Bella. Billy’s thoughts cursed our kind as he thought of what his best friend’s daughter would become.

_I wish I would have just gotten to know her better when I had the chance._

_Jake, there’s nothing you can do now. All you can do is grieve._

Jared gave Jacob a friendly nip, comforting his friend. Billy chuckles softly, but the sound dies in his throat quickly. “I’m sorry about them. My son just phased a week ago. Their senses seem to detect danger far more in advance than their human selves ever could.”

I stared at Jacob, watching as he paced around on the ground. I can’t help but wonder what he would have looked like with Bella on his arm, and he was thinking the same thing. I’m sure both of their fathers would have been thrilled at that thought. I’m thrown into thoughts about Bella on her wedding day, shrouded in white as she stared longingly at her groom. I’m suddenly miserable, pinching myself to stop thinking of Bella and her now-defunct human life. Alice gives me a strange look but I ignore her, electing to look somewhere else.

I try to think as to why I’m so hurt that Bella won’t live a normal life. It’s not as if we were great friends. We weren’t friends at all. If Bella had died, my bloodlust would have died alongside her. I would finally be able to breathe again and live my life with my family. Surely I just felt bad that she was forced to live this shell of a life. That had to have been the answer.

“How will you treat the newborn then?” Billy asks, clearing his throat. He was taking great pains not to call her Bella in his mind, trying to rationalize that the girl he watched grow up was now a _leech._ The sweet and quiet girl he watched grow up had turned into a bloodthirsty monster. “She must know the rules of the treaty.”

“We’re well aware of the treaty terms Billy, and we’ll be sure to teach Miss Swan,” Carlisle said, furrowing his eyebrows. He could tell Billy’s mood had gone south all of a sudden. He glanced at me, trying to see if I knew what was up. I nodded once, letting him know that I’d tell him once the meeting was over. I didn’t want the wolves to know we were talking about them right in front of their faces. “As far as treating her, we’ll take her up to Alaska as soon as it’s safe to do so without notice from the humans.” Billy nodded at that. “But Billy…you should know that it’s very difficult to control a newborn. She’ll be considerably faster, stronger and deadlier at this stage in her new life than any of are after decades.” Carlisle warned.

Billy takes into consideration, his mouth turning downward. “There’s no way to keep her at bay?”

“We’ll start her on a vegetarian diet as soon as she wakes up, but her thirst will be strong. We may require help from the pack if we can’t keep her under control.” At this, Jacob gags. I frown, not at Jacob’s lack of control but at Carlisle’s comment. I remember Bella’s revulsion at just the smell of blood from biology class. It might be worth asking Carlisle about later in private. I glance at the pack once more. Billy seems to be exhausted, almost slumped in his wheelchair. Sam nudges the back of his chair, giving a look to his superior and encouraging him to not give in. Billy nods and takes a deep breath in, his face turning stony.

“She may be unstable, but the treaty must come first. Since she is being taken into your care, all treaty rules apply to her. Keep her on the tightest leash you have.” Jacob whines at this. _He’s being so strict._

Sam gives him a look. _He must be. She gets no special treatment just because you both knew her._

Jacob growls at him in warning. _She was a good person who lost her life. Have some sympathy for her._ They both growl at each other until Billy looks behind them, glaring. Billy swivels towards us again and notices my intense look. He looks me up and down, grimacing at my height. _I especially dislike that one,_ He thinks. I almost laugh. The atmosphere is charged with tensions on both sides of the treaty line. In the corner of my eye, Alice stiffens again, her amber eyes glazing over. Everyone watches her as she becomes immersed in her trance.

_So she does have visions…_

_Anyone can look off into the distance all weird like that._

I’m already moving into action, paying no mind to the wolves’ sudden anxiety at our fast movements. Alice’s eyes flutter awake, and she gasps as she comes out of the vision. “Bella,” she breathes. “She’s waking up.” Emmett tenses, and runs to the car, sitting behind me as I forcefully start my Volvo. He throws the small piece of fabric left behind by the nomadic woman at the wolves, and Sam runs to catch it between his canines, running back to his pack with the offensive cloth. Carlisle nods tersely at the pack, signifying the end of the meeting, and I tap my steering wheel impatiently. Alice climbs in beside Emmett as Carlisle starts to make his way around to the passenger side.

“Carlisle,” Billy calls. Carlisle looks up at his name, just about to climb into the car. Billy looks at him for a second. “Tell Bella we love her,” Billy says on the verge of tears, and Carlisle saddens at his words. Jacob puts his nuzzle in his father’s lap, as Billy tries his hardest not to cry in front of us. It was clear he was in deep mourning over his beloved friend. Alice stares blankly at the pack, fidgeting as she thinks about something. She looks to me, asking for my input. I stare at her and then nod. She nods too, getting out of the car and making her way back to the treaty line.

“What is she doing?” Emmett murmurs, curious as to what his sister was up to. I watch in the rearview mirror as Alice makes her way slowly to where Billy is, keeping her feet firmly planted on our side of the line. She reaches into her jacket pocket, taking out a small white handkerchief. The symbolism behind Alice’s actions wasn't lost on me. She meant to display a truce to the tribe, and that we were on the same side when it came to Bella. She hands it to Billy, who stares at her in confusion. She motions for him to take it, mouthing ‘go ahead’ to him. He stares at it for a beat, looking at the poor piece of fabric like it was coated in our venom. To my surprise, he actually reaches for it, fingering at the edges before turning his head towards Paul and dabbing at his eyes. Alice smiles softly.

“Of course we’ll tell her.” She whispers, just loud enough for him to hear. At that, he moves his head towards her, nodding.

“Thank you.” He says gruffly, coughing and clearing his throat. He tries to give Alice her handkerchief back, but she grins and shakes her head.

“Keep it.” She runs back to the car then, not looking back at the pack’s bewildered muzzles. Emmett chuckles, and Carlisle smiles down at his daughter fondly as she appears in front of him.

“Wrap that blanket tighter,” Carlisle calls out, getting into the car swiftly. Billy gives a pained smile, following Carlisle’s advice. He put up one hand, motioning goodbye as he starts to roll his wheelchair with the others, turning in the other direction. We watch them as they leave, but my impatience gets the better of me. None of us bother with seatbelts, so I pulled out of the trailhead hastily. I push the gas pedal as high as my car could handle it, and soon we were speeding down the interstate.

“That was nice of you,” Emmett mumbles to Alice as she looked out the window. She gives a small smile, not looking at any of us.

“I think we could all use some kindness right now.”

The rain started soon after we left, and by the time we were almost home it had become a full storm. We passed by some people in yellow ponchos and walkie-talkies, walking along the curb of the highway as they searched for a body. _Bella’s body._ I shudder. Lightning was crackling in the distance, the bright silver bolts colliding with the dissonance of the thunder. The electricity in the air put me on edge, and I pushed the gas pedal harder. The storm made for a spectacular light show over the dark forests of Washington. This is what Bella would be waking up to, a new world for her. Her new life would begin with a force of nature.

“Nice night for some baseball.” Emmett sighs. Carlisle makes a noise of support, running his fingers through his blonde waves. We wouldn’t be playing baseball for a while.

After what felt like hours of driving, I turn into our gravel driveway sharply and saw our house look as foreboding as an ancient dungeon. I pull into the garage and turn the engine off immediately after I park. Esme bursts out of the door, looking frazzled as we jump out of the car. Carlisle makes his way towards his wife, concerned. Esme looks at me once she’s in her husband’s arms.

“Bella woke up, but she’s not listening to any of us. She’s frightened.”

At that, I ran out of the garage, running into the living room and swerving past my piano, Alice and Emmett close behind me. I curse, forgetting that she was in the room across from me on the third floor. It felt like time had slowed, and I was trying to fight through the heavy substance of space and time that held me back. As I make my way upstairs, I can feel Jasper sending out heavy waves of calmness as someone screams. I hear struggling, and Rosalie yelling for help. I reach my floor and burst into the room on my immediate right, watching as Bella panics on the floor with Rosalie and Jasper trying to hold her down. Everyone else piles in behind me, watching the scene unfold before us. Jasper has a tight grip on Bella’s left arm, holding it behind her back. The look on his face told a different story, however. He looked stricken with terror, feeding off of Bella’s emotional state and he was breathing shallowly as Bella’s thirst reached out towards him. Rosalie was holding both of Bella’s legs down, trying not to lose her grip from the girl writhing against her and grunting from Bella’s strong kicks. My mind went numb with the chaos, and all I was capable of at the moment was watching as Emmett joined the struggle, snaking his arms against Bella’s waist, barely dodging a stray elbow. She tried to fight against all of them, screaming for help. She turned her head towards me, her long hair flying behind her and crying.

Her vibrant crimson eyes calling out to me for help.


	4. Rebirth

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

Everything was different when the pain stopped.

I groaned, trying to hide my eyes from the intense lighting in the room. It felt like the sun itself was in front of my eyes. A loud crack of thunder exploded in my ears, and I screamed, covering my ears from the noise. A woman rushed in then, and from the scent she carried in I could tell she was the one who would soothe me when the pain hit me.

She was stunning. She looked to be about my height, with a sweet heart-shaped face and golden-yellow eyes. Her svelte figure was clad in a warm mustard cable knit sweater and dark blue jeans. Her toffee-colored hair fell in waves around her shoulders, and she blinked rapidly, taking in my appearance. I gasped then, _really_ looking at her. From where I was laying down, I could see the fibers of her sweater, tangled within each other. Every pore on her face was perfect. She had a thin translucent, crescent-shaped scar on the side of her neck, and I unconsciously felt my own neck, looking at her in confusion. I looked up, and I saw a strange, luminous purple color emitting from the ceiling lamp in the room. Was that… _UV_ light? I blew out my breath, and then I felt it.

There was a horrific itch at the back of my throat, and it sang to me. I clawed at my neck, gasping and crying out. The woman suddenly appeared in front of me, and I jumped backward, hitting the headboard forcefully. I heard a crack, and I looked behind me to see a massive crack creeping upwards from where my body had landed. I stopped myself from screaming, but the scream was quickly replaced by the scratch in my throat. I pointed at my throat to the woman, doubling over in pain. I was so _thirsty_.

“Wa…water.” I choked out. The woman looked at me sadly and had opened her mouth to say something when two more people walked in. My eyes widened. I knew them, but I had forgotten their names in my haze or where I had known them from. The girl was statuesque, and her thin face held more beauty than I had ever seen in my life. Her long, thick blonde hair reached her back, and she stared at me blankly. It was unnerving, and I switched my gaze to the blonde man standing next to her. His light blonde hair was either wavy or just messy, falling just past his jawline. He looked so alike to the girl that I was sure they were twins. He stared at me intensely, and I could feel my panic easing slightly. His fists were tight with tension, and I saw that he had crescent-shaped scars all over his arms, marring his perfect skin. I snuck a look back at the woman’s scar on her neck, and she caught me looking. She smiled hesitantly. She looked like she was only a few years older than the other two, and yet she had such a maternal aura about her.

I gagged on the feeling at the back of my throat again. It felt like someone had stuffed sandpaper down my esophagus, and sanded down the sensitive track. I was in desperate need of water, _anything_ to relieve myself of whatever was hurting me. I pointed at my throat, swallowing something thick and gooey that had built up in my mouth. I made a face, gagging again. All three of them looked at me curiously.

“Can…can I have some water?” I choked out slowly. My voice sounded hoarse, and yet to my ears, it sounded different somehow. I could hear the woman sitting in front of me fidgeting, and then she whispered something to the boy. Or at least tried to whisper, I suppose. It was clear as day what she was saying.

“Jasper…go get the packets.” She said, looking at me with a wild concern. I already had the feeling that something was deeply wrong, but her demeanor was terrifying me.

“Wh-where am I?” I asked. None of them answered me, and panic crept up my spine. “Who are all of you?” Fear started to boil over within me.

“She doesn’t remember us.” The girl mumbles, turning her head towards the boy who was halfway out of the door.

“Please stop being so cryptic,” I say, annoyed. The pain in my throat grows the more I talk, and I groan again. “What is happening to me?” I whisper, trying to conserve my voice. I hold my head in my hands, my long hair falling all around me. I can see how brilliant my hair shines with the light, and I look up, staring at the strands. My hair shone with such brilliance, and it was softer than any plush animal I had ever owned. I breathed shakily in disbelief and looked out the window beside me. I startled myself, standing on my knees as I brought both my hands to rest on the shining glass. I could see blades of _grass_ , the green becoming more vibrant as the fat plumps of water dropped from the sky. The strong smell of roses wafted into the room we were in, and I moaned. It was so much more fragrant than anything I had ever smelled in my life. I stood up fluidly, surprising myself. The woman stands up with me, concerned. The girl inches her way closer to me, and she narrowed her light gold eyes at me. I moved back from them then as the anxiety crawled along my body.

“Don’t scare her,” The boy warns, shooting a warning glance at the girl. She pays no attention to him, however, and she moves somewhat closer to me. It looked as if she was holding herself back, being mindful of her movements so as not to scare me. I stare up at her with wide eyes as she joins hands with the woman.

Something was most certainly wrong. “What is this?” I ask quietly. “What do you all want with me?”

“Bella-” The woman starts, holding her free hand out to me.

“How do you know my name?” I ask, panicked. I look at each of them again, their intense stares making me nervous. I was still in desperate need of water or at the very least a cough drop. I saw an opening past the girl’s right side, and I made to go to it, but the boy appeared in front of me first. I yelp, jumping backward. He looks remorseful, but ultimately his face hardens. I feel a sudden wave of calm that tried to take me, but I fight against it. If I was going to get out of this, I needed all of my wits with me, and my intuition was invaluable. I needed to get the hell out of here.

I felt so cold as well. Was I fighting a terrible flu? It would be just my luck to catch something like the Spanish Influenza or God knows whatever else bacteria floated around during this time of year. A small cynical part of my mind reminded me however that I wouldn’t be able to see UV light from a particularly nasty illness though.

“Let me through,” I demand, deciding to stand my ground.

“We can’t do that.” The girl responds, looming over me.

“Why. Not.” I say through gritted teeth. The itch at the back of my throat was an ever-present reminder that I needed to get something into my system right away, or I might burn with hot desire. I look around the room for an escape, and then I catch my reflection in a floor-length mirror handing inside a closet door. I fight for breath then, horrified at my image and the memories rushing back to my mind. My eyes were bright _red._ A collage of memories flood back to me, and I see my father on the floor, white as a ghost as three strangers with eyes as red as mine corner me in the hallway. A man sinks his teeth into my neck and I scream. I shriek with horror, pressing my hands over my mouth as I try to put together the puzzle pieces. My skin was translucent ivory, and much paler than I was before when I was attacked. I spy a large crescent moon on my neck, and I wail with terror, remembering what happened in its entirety.

“Here we go.” The girl murmurs sarcastically as the boy tried to move closer to me.

“Bella,” He says gently. “I need you to calm down, and we can explain what’s going on.” I don’t comply with his request, staring at my reflection in the mirror. He tries to take my arm, and I immediately take it back from him, glaring at him. The burn in my throat reminds me that it’s still there, waiting. The girl makes a move for me, and I push her out of the way, sending her tumbling into the bed behind me. She grunts, and then looks up at me with malice. She shares a look with the boy behind me, and the woman starts to protest.

“Jasper wait-”

All of a sudden, I’m on the floor fighting against the twins. I scream as they try their hardest to pin me down, but I’m surprisingly putting up a good fight. I wrestle with the girl, trying to stop her nails from digging into my arms. She was so much stronger than she looked, but a sudden burst of energy from me sends her flying. I scream for help as the woman flies out of the room, her caramel hair flying behind her as she raced down the stairs, calling for a man named Carlisle. I briefly heard the sound of car doors shutting, and feet racing up the stairs. The girl yells for help as she once again grabs hold of me while the boy twists my arm back behind me, and he looked tense with panic, panting heavily. I briefly thought I looked the same but I was still screaming for someone to help me when _he_ crashed into the room.

Edward Cullen.

The girl was trying to hold down my legs as a giant, brawny man joined the struggle, holding me by my waist. He struggled as I tried to push him off me, and he grunted as he put more work into stopping my panic attack. I looked towards Edward, who was staring at me in horror.

“Edward,” I cry out, and he freezes in place. The girl who was holding my legs looks at me in surprise, her eyes widening as she looks to the man holding me by my waist in alarm. I was still struggling to put up a fight against him, but he seemed to be taken aback as well. “Edward, please help me.” I sob. _You saved me once, please save me again,_ I thought desperately. I wriggled my arm away from the blonde boy finally, but that sends everyone back into fighting mode again. I scream for Edward, throwing my free hand into his direction. He was still frozen in place as I wailed for him. I needed his help badly.

Finally, he breaks out of his trance. “Stop. _STOP_.” He yells, coming to my aide. The people holding me down stop on his orders, and he appears next to me suddenly, kneeling by my side. I embrace him, taking him off guard as I sob into his shirt. His hands are held just inches away from my back, unsure of whether he should comfort me. I’m sobbing, but I notice that no tears are flowing from my eyes. This only serves to make me panic again, and the burn in my throat becomes stronger. I try to force it down as I fist Edward’s shirt into small balls in my palms. Finally, he wraps his arms around me, cocooning me away from the world. It was strange, and yet a gesture of safety.

“Bella,” He whispers, rubbing my back as I try to calm down. “Bella, you’re safe now.” He brings his head down to whisper into my ear, and I shiver from his proximity to me. “You’re safe.”

I feel another wave of calm wash over me, and I freely let it take me. I was at peace finally, on my knees and embracing Edward Cullen. If someone had told me that a month ago that I’d be in this position with Edward, I would have rolled my eyes and told them to stop smoking. Feeling calmer, I look up at him, watching his face harden as he realizes I’m staring at him. I look back down immediately, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my behavior. I thought I might blush, but I didn’t feel the familiar rush of blood to my cheeks.

I feel a presence behind me, and I turn, nervous. Edward’s hands tighten in reflex to my movement, and I felt much better. Having a familiar face was a big help in whatever was going, even if said familiar face didn’t particularly like me. It was the woman from before, kneeling on her knees as I was doing. She had taken off her sweater, revealing just a plain grey t-shirt. She tilted her head to look at me curiously and then glanced at Edward, her pink lips slighting partly in question. She glanced at me again, noticing my stare. She tried to put me at ease by smiling, and I’ll admit that it did help in calming me down. I glanced upwards at Edward, noticing that his face had lost the hardness when he looked at the woman, and I decided then I could trust her.

“Bella? How are you feeling?” She asked kindly.

I swallowed, trying to keep the tenacious burn in my throat at bay. I loosen my grip on Edward, slowing retreating away from him. I can feel his dark gaze on me, but I don’t look up, ashamed of my actions. I end up collapsing on the floor, expelling a soft ‘oof’. A tight, cold grip encloses around my bicep, and I see that Edward helped steady me. I look up at his blank face and mouth ‘thank you’. He nods; his tips turning into a tight line before letting my arm go. I sense all eyes on our interaction with each other, and I turn to the group. Two more people had joined the room. A petite young woman stood in the corner with the blonde boy, holding his hand. She gazed at me intently, as if she could see right through me. Her short, inky black hair was a stark contrast to the white of her skin, and her gold eyes shone like a doe’s in the moonlight. I spied a small charm bracelet on her left wrist, the only charm an all-seeing gold eye with long eyelashes. I shivered as she grinned at me.

I recognized the other man who had been the last to join. His short blonde hair was combed back and parted nicely. I remembered the feel of his cold arms as he carried me away to safety and the look of his tawny eyes as he gazed back at me through his rearview mirror. I sat in shock as Dr. Carlisle Cullen made his way towards me, resting on his haunches next to the woman. They shared a look, and he regarded me. I looked myself up and down, realizing I was still wearing the same old cotton pajamas with sheep bleating as I was when I was attacked. They were extremely tattered from my clawing at them. I looked down at my shirt, noticing that it was also fairly worn out, one sleeve almost completely torn from the shoulder, exposing my pale skin and from the belly down the fabric was shredded. I might have been embarrassed at my appearance, but I craved answers. Dr. Cullen must have noticed my desperation and smiled sadly.

“Do you remember much of what happened to you, Bella?” He asks quietly. He looks back at the strangers near the doorway and motions for them to go get something. The blonde boy nods tersely and disappears.

I shake my head. “S-somewhat,” I swallowed. “There was a man…” I trailed off. He nodded, waiting for me to continue. “…and two others. They all had red eyes…like mine I suppose.”

Dr. Cullen clenches his jaw, and I can feel Edward tense up even though he’s behind me. I want to glance back at him, but I force myself to look ahead. The woman next to Dr. Cullen places her pale hand on top of his, giving it a small squeeze.

“Bella, I’m going to give you some information.” Dr. Cullen clears his throat. “It’s…its very heavy information, Bella.”

At this point, I knew that something was amiss, but I clenched my body anyways. I nod my head at him. “I just want to know,” I say, trying my best to stay confident. He gazes at me with sorrow.

“The people that broke into your house weren’t human. They were vampires.”

I look at him for a beat before realizing he was serious. I try to look at the others for confirmation but they all gave me blank looks. I turn my head back towards Edward, watching as he stared at me with sad eyes.

“That’s not true,” I whisper, not taking my eyes off of Edward. “Tell me that’s not true.” I refuse to look away from him, watching as he starts to fidget under my desperate gaze. I trusted Edward. As backward as it was and as for awful he treated me at school, deep down I knew I could trust him. Finally, he gathers the courage, looking me in the eye and says the words that would completely shatter my world.

“It’s true, Bella.”

I close my eyes, pained. I don’t mean to, but I let out a small series of whimpers. “So,” I start off, trying to get footing of what my next question would be. “When he sank his teeth into my neck, he was trying to…drink my blood?” My voice, while still hoarse with the burn, went up a few pitches. I felt ridiculous even asking.

He nodded slowly. “He didn’t get to finish.”

“That’s when you came in,” I murmur. Edward raises an eyebrow.

“You remember that?”

“Kind of,” I answer quietly. “I could see bits and pieces. I felt like I was burning up at that point. Someone stayed near me and kept me cool.”

I knew what this conversation was eventually going to turn into. I had read the stories when I was a little girl. I saw the red eyes glaring back at me in the mirror just moments ago. I closed my eyes, and finally realized I couldn’t feel my heart thumping in my chest like it usually would. I try to discreetly feel my wrist with two fingers, and I choke out a laugh when there was no beat. They all look at me curiously.

“So I’m a vampire now then,” I state sadly. The others looked shocked at my abrasiveness, but Dr. Cullen only nods.

“You figured it out fairly quickly.”

I only nod, trying not to seem shattered. “So all the pain and burning…”

“That was your transformation.”

I dared to take a glance behind at me Edward. He looked away from me as soon as our eyes met. His gold eyes flickered back to mine after a minute, but he looked away again when he saw that I was still watching him. I narrowed my eyes. How would the Cullen’s know so much about vampires if they didn’t have red eyes?

“How do you know so much about vampires?” I ask.

“We _are_ vampires.” The blonde girl says, annoyed. I throw her an annoyed look and she purses her lips.

“Your eyes are gold, not red,” I state matter-of-factly.

“We don’t drink blood from humans.” The woman next to Carlisle says. I glance at her, and she smiles shyly at me. “We drink the blood of animals.”

“We’re vegetarians.” The large, brawny boy joked, a smirk forming on his face. The blonde boy walks in then, holding a few bags of liquid. The stench coming from them hits me suddenly, and I’m ravenous. The burn in my throat flares, and my mouth waters. I nearly tackle the boy, but Edward grabs hold of both my arms and pulls me back hard, sitting me on my butt. Dr. Cullen and the woman stand up, blocking my view of the blonde boy. I try to fight Edward off, but he holds me to his chest, and snakes his arms around my waist, just under my breasts. Being in this position brought me back to reality, and I was suddenly ashamed of what I’d nearly done. I was trying to come to terms with what was happening, but everything was too overwhelming for me. I started to feel the familiar motions of an anxiety attack, and my chest felt like heaving. I felt a sob escape me, and I put my head between my legs to help me breathe.

“What is going on?” I whispered desperately. I closed my eyes, telling myself to wake up from this nightmare. If only I could wake up, and bury this nightmare in the far depths of my mind for the rest of my life.

Dr. Cullen and the woman part away from me, allowing the blonde one to approach me. He leans back on his haunches as he appraises me, and I look back at him, wary. My eyes glance at what he was holding in his hands, and I gasp.

IV bags filled with blood.

“No!” I scream, and I try to fight Edward off. I almost throw his strong arms over me but he catches himself, grabbing me by my right shoulder. I try to wriggle out of his grasp but it’s useless. Edward grunts, fighting me down. My shirt is further torn from the fight, and the straps of my sports bra could be seen. He’s put in a lot of effort into keeping me on the ground. My discomfort grows by the minute, and my throat is aching for me to snatch the IV bags out of the boy’s hands and rip them to shreds. “I’m not drinking that.” I hiss.

The boy shakes his head at me. “You must. Your thirst is uncontrollable at this stage. We have to get a handle on it before it overtakes you.”

“I won’t drink blood from innocent people!” I cry. Edward tenses behind me, but otherwise keeps his grip tight. It’s an uncomfortable position, but I know if I do end up forcing him off, I’ll have all seven of them on me in seconds.

“This isn’t human blood Bella, its animal blood.” The woman soothes, but I shake my head refusing.

“I won’t drink it.” I refuse. “Can’t I drink water?” I ask desperately, looking to Dr. Cullen. “Or eat something?”

He only shakes his head. “We can only survive on blood. I’m afraid you’ll have to drink it, Bella.”

“You don’t have to survive on human blood, Bella,” Edward says, his thumb rubbing small circles where it rests on my belly. I wait for the blush to rise to my cheeks, but nothing comes. “We only drink from animals so we don’t harm humans.” His velvet-soft voice soothed me, and I was lulled into a future, imaging myself feasting on wild animals, and I shivered.

Suddenly my eyes widen and I realize my mistake. “What about my dad? Where’s Charlie?” Here I was, arguing with the Cullen’s about drinking blood when my father had been as much as a victim as I had. If Charlie was a vam…what I was now, this life wouldn’t be so hard. I had always been independent of my parents, but having my father by my side wouldn’t be so bad. We could figure this entire thing out, together. Everyone’s faces dropped quickly. Dr. Cullen doesn’t look at me, choosing instead to look at the floor.

“Charlie didn’t make it, Bella.” The short girl told me, and if it was possible for already dead hearts to stop, I’m sure mine did. My lips trembled slightly before I bit down on the bottom, pursing my lips tightly to keep the deep sobs that were bubbling in my chest from rising up. Flashes of Charlie pale and lifeless on the floor flew through my mind, and I rolled my eyes into the back of my head, trying to swallow the painful burn. _I won’t drink the blood, I won’t drink the blood, I won’t drink the blood,_ I tell myself. If I just think about not drinking the blood, I could distract myself from the pain of my father’s death. How could have I not known? How did I lie on the floor for God-knows-how-long and not know my father was dead? I should have died with him. I don’t realize I’ve been saying all of this out loud until I feel an icy hand through the remains of what left of my tattered shirt on my spine, bringing me back to Earth. I don’t look up, not wanting to face my future life in the face any longer.

“How long do we live for?” I ask quietly.

“Forever,” Dr. Cullen replies. “We are immortal beings.” He adds on.

I take in a deep breath, still refusing to look up. I can feel the vibrations of someone walking over to me, and to my surprise, it’s the short girl with short black hair. I remember hearing her name at some point, but it was long gone from my memory now. She smiled as if she had read my mind. “I’m Alice,” She introduces herself. I try my best not to be, but I’m enchanted with her musical-like voice. She sounded like wind chimes on a summer’s day, and she tilted her head looking at me. Her small button nose, high cheekbones, and pixie-like hair made her look like she had come straight from an old book of fairy tales I had owned when I was a young girl. She smiles softly at me. She looks towards the others, raising an eyebrow at me when she turns back.

“Do you remember the others?” She asks me, and I shake my head slightly. “That’s okay!” She brightens. “This is Jasper,” She points to the boy holding the IV bags. He waves, still holding an IV bag. It must have been a delicate bag because some of the blood splatters in a wave pattern onto the floor, and he curses.

The brawny boy cackles once, before turning away to the window, his shoulders shaking with laughter. Alice rolls her eyes, exasperated turning back to me but stalling when she sees the look on my face. I’m frozen with tension, staring at the blood on the floor as my throat screams in agony. _I will not drink it, I will not drink it, I will not drink it, I will not drink it._

Alice seems to see the resolve on my face, and though she seems apprehensive, she pats my knee, getting me to look at her. I hadn’t even noticed that Edward had given up his hold on me, and was sitting patiently behind me Indian style. I share a terse look with him that has us both looking away in opposite directions. Alice chuckles slightly. “I believe you already know Edward.”

She taps my hand lightly, pointing to the strangers in the corner. “That’s Emmett and Rosalie.” Emmett waves kindly, smiling somewhat to ease me, but Rosalie just stares at me. She gives me no look of disgust but makes no effort to try and ease me into the start of a new life as her family was doing. Her dark amber eyes flicker up and down, trying to take me in as I was with her. She wasn’t as intimidating as she was when I was a human, but now that I was one of _them,_ I was still taken back by her angelic beauty. She grabbed onto Emmett’s hand, and my eyes flicker to him. It hadn’t registered to me just how _large_ Emmett was. He seemed to be the tallest in the family, and also the most athletic. As opposing as he seemed, I only saw a boy who liked to laugh and joke around as was apparent when Jasper had his little accident earlier.

Alice directs me to Dr. Cullen and the woman next to him. “Of course you know our dad, the esteemed Carlisle Cullen,” Alice jokes, and Dr. Cullen smiles at her. “This is Esme, our mother.”

Esme smiles me, and I try to smile back, but I knew I was failing miserably. If I was being honest, I was drawn to her. She approached me slowly, passing Jasper and kneeling down next to Alice, right in front of me. She gave her right hand, and her gleaming white palm was open for me to take. I looked up at her curiously, and she only smiled kindly. I tentatively took her hand, and she embraced it, closing it with her other hand. She gave me some comfort, and I relaxed some. Alice beamed at our interaction, looking back and forth between the two of us.

“I’m so sorry for what happened to you, Isabella.” Esme murmurs. “But I must insist that you drink something.”

“Please don’t make me,” I plead, my voice only coming out in a soft whisper. Esme’s eyes sadden at my pathetic appearance, and she looks up towards Dr. Cullen. He only shakes his head, looking directly at me.

“I’m sorry, Bella. This really _is_ the only way.” He murmurs.

“We’ve all tried to starve ourselves out,” Alice says then. She looks at me with her molten gold eyes. “It won’t do you any good in the long run.”

“They’re all right Bella,” Edward whispers behind me, and I turn suddenly, looking at him over my shoulder. He’s looking at the floor, anywhere but me, and I narrow my eyes in annoyance. Could he really still hate me, even after all that’s happened? It’s not like I was begging for sympathy, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around all of this. He looks up then, and I try not to gasp out loud. I had been blind as a human. Edward is truly one of the most beautiful men –nay, people – I’d ever seen. His messy auburn hair seemed even more of a mess tonight, and I nearly slapped my hand away to stop myself from impulsively running my fingers through his hair. Even if it refused to bend to my will, I wouldn’t have minded. His defined jaw was clenched, and I could only see the side of his straight nose. Whereas anyone else might have appeared to have a chalky complexion, Edward looked like the white marble the Italian masters might have used. Michelangelo, Donatello, or Bernini – none of them would have been able to carve Edward’s beauty. 

I bite on the flesh on the inside of my cheek before speaking. “Give me the bag,” My voice comes out dead. Jasper gives me a curious look before passing Alice one of the bags. Alice carefully opens the IV bag, careful not to spill any of the blood on her pristine white silk shirt. Even with my limited knowledge of fashion, I knew that would have been an unfortunate end.

“Have you ever eaten deer?” Alice asks me, peering at me slyly from the corner of her eye. I grimace and shake my head no. She makes a face and passes me the bag. I hesitate before grabbing onto it with both of my hands.

“Here’s hoping you like roadkill,” Alice mutters.

I give her a look. Referring to the poor animal whose blood I was about to drink wasn’t helping in the slightest. The iron in the air overwhelmed me, and I almost gagged. I raise the opening of the bag to my mouth cautiously before sucking at the liquid.

I close my eyes in desire as the blood rushed down and cooled my burning throat.


	5. Turbulence

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** EDWARD **

**_September_ ** **_1918_ **

_The Great War raged across Europe and had been starting to reach its dead, necrotic hands into the Americas. All of the headlines since 1914 had been about the war and the various monstrosities it rained down upon innocents. My mother would have the maid hide the morning newspapers from me, so as not to put any ideas into my head when it was finally announced that America would join the war effort. I’d been itching to go off into the beyond and fight for my homeland, and while my father chastised my thoughts in public – to appease my mother – he would sit beside me some evenings in the parlor and talk of what it is to be a soldier. I was determined to join the military, but my father was slowly convincing me to join the medics; somewhere he thought I would live._

_There would be no talk of war in the Masen home anymore though. I looked out of the grand window in our parlor, resting my jaw on my hand and watched as the cold Chicago wind blew the trees in one direction. Mother was giving instructions to one of the housemaids about cleaning up some of my father’s papers that were still strewn across his desk in the study. She was still dressed in deep black for mourning, and I watched as she looked down at her hands and fidgeted with her wedding band. I may not have been close to my father, but it was harrowing to watch my mother wither away in grief for her husband. I glanced down at the black armband on my bicep and made a slight face, coughing roughly. My mother looks up at that, and with a worried demeanor crosses the room frightfully fast, feeling my forehead._

_“You feel warm, Edward.” She murmurs. Her long auburn hair was tied in her usual bun, a black net covering her hair. She smooths the back of my hair, tutting at the small cowlick that refused to bend to her will. I chuckled at that. Mother should have known by now that my hair would never bend to polite society’s will._

_“It’s nothing mother,” I reassure her, taking her hand in mine. She sighs at that, her sea green eyes shining at me with concern. She traces the outline of my face with the pads of her fingertips, and I’m only able to see the grief in her eyes for a moment before she masks it. She and I were one in the same, my father japed once. “They always seem to know a person’s thoughts before that person even does.” We both looked so alike that many of my parents’ acquaintances thought I was Elizabeth Masen’s long lost younger brother._

_“I could never bear it if you were lost to me too,” Mother whispers, and she gazes at me so intensely I shiver. I stand then, towering over her. “When did my boy become a man?” She whispered, tears welling in her eyes. Taking her hands in mine, I squeeze them gently, feeling the cold metal of her wedding band beneath my fingers._

_“I’ll always be your boy. I’m always beside you.”_

**_Two Weeks Later_ **

_I woke up feeling groggy, and sicker than a dog. I groaned, clutching my head as it pounded. I tried my best to sit up, but I was pushed back down immediately by firm hands. I opened my eyes, closing them in reflex as the bright lights above me shone. I was drenched in sweat, and I tried to kick the heavy wool blankets covering me off of my body_

_“Please sir, you must rest.” A woman’s voice calls out, and I dared to open my eyes again. A nurse with a red-cross symbol on her chest bore down at me, dabbing at my forehead with a cold wet cloth. A deep voice on the other side of me murmured something to her, and I turned, moaning at the pain it cost my body. I felt more awake then and opened my eyes fully to see a young doctor above me, writing notes in a medical file._

_“Where am I?” I groan. I surprised myself by being able to say something at all. The doctor gives me a bored look, and I’m able to get a glimpse at his golden eyes._

_“You’re in the Chicago Infirmary.” He sighs, shutting the file in his hands. “You came down with Spanish Influenza about five days ago.” He feels my forehead with a gloved hand, and in my haze, I’m able to ascertain that he’s the only medical professional on the floor without a mask on. “You’ve been here ever since.”_

_“M-my…” I struggle to get the words out. My mouth was drier than Kansas dirt. “My mother…”_

_The doctor sighs again, running his hands through his short blonde hair. I hear a garbled voice on the side of me, and I turn, my eyes widening as I see my mother lying in the cot next to mine. She looks deathly pale, and dark circles had taken over the space underneath her eyes. Her green eyes were a shadow of what they once were, and I felt my chest tighten._

_“Don’t exert yourself.” The doctor mumbles to me, bringing the wool blanket closer to my chest. I grunt and fight off the offending fabric, sitting up suddenly. I notice that I’m dressed in a plain cotton infirmary gown. When I sit up the ties in the back of the gown loosen, exposing my back. I gag at my sudden movement, and the bile forces its way out of my mouth before I can comprehend what’s happening. The nurse near me forces a pan in front of my face, holding my shoulder steady as I retch what’s left of my stomach’s contents._

_“Edward?” I hear my mother whisper, and I look up to see her eyes blinking at me. She looked so frail lying on that bed, not at all like the mother who doted on me all these years. “Edward,” She whispers, smacking her lips. “Edward, listen to Dr. Cullen. He’ll take good care of you.”_

_I don’t answer her, instead retching once more into the bedpan. Tears escape my eyes as I continue to vomit, watching in horror as blood appears in the offensive contents of the pan. A cool hand rests on my back and rubs small circles as I appear to be done with my episode. I whimper at the bodily aches running down my body as I’m forced to lie back down again. I start to drift off immediately, resting my eyes as I’m sucked down into a rabbit hole of full of dreams and festering nightmares._

_As I slept, my mind produced a vision of a young woman, her back towards me. Her long thick chestnut hair fell to her upper back, cascading in soft curls. It looked so soft and luxurious, I had the strangest urge to sink my fingers into it and hold it against the sunlight. I almost flushed looking at her; it wasn’t decent for me to gaze upon a young woman’s hair. I furrowed my eyebrows at what the girl was wearing. She wore trousers and a plain, thick blue sweater. She must be a farm girl._

_She was slim, and I turned away in shame after I realized I’d been staring at her figure. Her head turned in my direction. Her skin was pure ivory. It was so translucent I could swear she was some ethereal being. Her lips were full, her top lips just ever so slightly fuller than her bottom. They were a dark pink; the color of the strawberries growing in my mother’s garden. She had a small nose, turning upwards just slightly at the end. From what I could see, she had a small pointed chin, with a soft feminine look to her jawline. I’d never seen such beauty in my life._

_She finally turns towards me, allowing me a full glimpse of her face, but I gasp. Her eyes haunted me. I couldn’t see them. It was as if there was a haze over them, obscuring my vision. I was frustrated. How would I know her? I could read people so easily by looking at their eyes and know exactly what they were thinking. How could I fully realize this woman’s beauty when I couldn’t even see her eyes? She parted her lips, opening her mouth to say something before she faded away from me as I yelled into the distance._

_I’m awakened with a jolt by Dr. Cullen. A sticky substance drips down my nose and onto my lips as I moan. I can hear my mother scream at the surrounding nurses to do something as Dr. Cullen lifts me into a sitting position. I can vaguely hear Dr. Cullen explain to my mother that I was hemorrhaging from the various mucous membranes in my body, explaining my nose and ear bleeds. Please, I try to say. Please let me sleep. My eyes fluttered as a deep heaviness tried to pull me under. The scythe of the man shrouded in black loomed over me, and my body started to convulse violently from the disease. A shrill howl rips through the air as I feel a team of nurses pump my body with various instruments and shoving pills at the back of my throat. I try to vomit it back up, but Dr. Cullen clamps my jaw closed, holding me down as my body rides through the rest of the convulsions. I’m rushed back into sleep as I hear my mother cry to Dr. Cullen, begging him to do everything he can to save me._

* * *

I don’t remember anything after that. I can only remember the pain of the transformation and the blaze of venom running through my veins. My last human memories were of the fever dream I had before I started to hemorrhage, and my mother screaming my name. I woke up in a dark house, settled deep into the Illinois woods, hidden away from the outskirts of Chicago. The most I remember from those crucial early moments was the _thirst._ The deep, unsettling scratch at the back of my throat nearly drove me to insanity within moments of waking up, and I pounced on a stray mutt that Carlisle had let loose into my room at that moment. At the time I was horrified with what I had become, but time slowly erased all of my early emotions from those days, leaving me with just memories.

Our transformations were polar opposites, I thought as I stared at Bella on the side of her, watching as her face contorted with relief as she continued to drink from the second IV bag. She had downed the first bag in seconds, and Jasper had wordlessly passed her the second, knowing from years of experience that she’d need it. Her speed slowed, taking a long sip and then swallowing. She gulped it down, grimacing. I tried to probe into her mind, but to my frustration, she was still blocked off from me. I had to know what she was thinking, how she felt about waking up to this damned life. Ever since I was reborn, I could hear the thoughts of others. I had never had a day of silence since.

Jasper’s thoughts interrupted me. _She feels disgusted…and sated? Already?_ I look at him with surprise. Was Bella sated already? I glance over towards her, and she was still preoccupied with the IV bag. The bag had about a fourth of blood left in it, but it was written all over her face that she was done. Jasper scratched his chin, trying not to look too shocked. His eyes flitted over towards me. _She is showing more restraint for a newborn than I could have ever imagined._ Jasper sent a brief wave of Bella’s resilience to me, and I could only nod tersely, knowing what this could mean. Carlisle seemed to pick up on our silent conversation, tilting his head for a confirmation.

_Can you hear her thoughts, Edward?_ I shook my head no, and he pursed his lips. _But it seems like she’s full, correct?_ I nod once, trying to be discreet. He breathes in heavily, a force of habit more than anything. I finally noticed that Bella was looking between all three of us, narrowing her eyes.

_Damn, she’s perceptive._ Emmett swore, and I mentally cursed too. Had Bella picked up so quickly that Carlisle and Jasper were having a conversation with me? Emmett tried to change the course of what Bella was thinking, and I was glad someone had their wits about them. “Does your throat feel better Bella?” Emmett asked kindly.

She looked at Emmett and shivered, but ultimately nodded. She looked down at the floor then, biting down on her bottom lip. I was thankful she wouldn’t be able to puncture the skin of her lip with that forceful bite; otherwise, had she been human I might have lost all sense of control. Blood dripped down from her mouth, running down her neck and into the confines of her tattered nightshirt. I stood up slowly and walked out of the room. I could feel everyone’s eyes on me as I left, but I only went into my room.

My room was a comforting space, and I felt better already staring at my wall of music as the sun started to rise. Dawn was breaking through my windows, but I felt as lost as I did the day I had woken up from my own changing. I sighed, kicking the carpet on my floor lightly. I was so overwhelmingly sad, but I didn’t know why. I hadn’t felt this terrible about Esme’s or Rosalie’s transformation. As bad as I feel about it now, I definitely didn’t feel bad about Emmett’s changing. I tried to connect my feelings due to the fact that I’d spent so much time ignoring her and making sure she didn’t come close to me. Had I avoided her for nothing? If I had attacked her that first day, would this outcome still be her fate?

_Edward._ Alice thought, and I turn to see my sister in the doorway. She gives me a knowing look. _Leave the past in the past,_ she warned. _The future is now._

I turn back towards the window, feeling heavy. Alice appears beside me and grabs onto my hand, intertwining her small delicate fingers in between mine. I relax, my sister’s presence doing more to calm my frayed nerves then Jasper ever could have. We stand like that for a few moments, staring as the horizon lifts into the sky. _Jasper would regale me with stories about Apollo and his sun chariot when we first met. We would stare at the sunrise every morning, and I wanted so desperately to be Apollo, racing to wake the world._ Alice thought wistfully. I chuckle at that.

“I like to think I identify more with Icarus than Apollo.” I murmur, and Alice looks up at me, grinning. I smile back before my mood turns sour again, and the smile drops off my face. “Are we too close to the sun, Alice?” I whisper. I look over at her curious face. “What have we gotten ourselves into?” I try my hardest to whisper as softly as I can, though I know it might not be worth anything. Bella was one of us now, and she could probably hear our conversation clear as day from where she sat. Still, I found I didn’t care. That or I simply didn’t mind if Bella listened to us.

Alice sighed, and she turned towards the window. Her golden eyes scanned my wall of CD’s, not looking for anything in particular as she mulled over my questions. _I think…_ she started off. _I suppose that would depend on if you thought Bella was the Sun to your Icarus._ I glared at her, offended by her thoughts but Alice refused to be cowed. _You asked._

“Aren’t I supposed to go _towards_ the sun?” I grumble.

_Have you not been?_ Alice asked, and I raised an eyebrow at her. She rolled her eyes at me. _You may have run away at first, but you’ve been inching towards her since you came back. Just because you don’t have wings, doesn’t mean you’re not going in the same direction._

I mulled over her thoughts and realized she was right. I had been trying to inch closer towards Bella, but I was afraid that this whole incident had shattered the illusion. I couldn’t have been friends with her when she was human, as I realized for the hundredth time.

“Come on, we should help,” Alice mumbled, giving my hand a squeeze. I squeezed back, trying to let her know how much I appreciated her. She smiled softly at me, her elfin face brightening. _Be strong, saith my heart,_ she thought and I smiled.

“ _I am a soldier; I have seen worse sights than this._ ” I cited, the cadence of Homer’s poem lining up with the phantom beat of my dead heart. I was touched that she remembered a quote so meaningful to me.

_We’ll get through it._ She winked and turned to leave. I followed her out and then stopped, deciding on something. I walked over to my closet, sliding the door open. I reach easily into the top shelf, pulling out an old Dartmouth Medical School sweatshirt. It smelled of mothballs, and I grimaced, beating the dust off of the sweater. It would be too big for her, but it would do the job. I slam the closet door shut and take long strides back to the guestroom, watching as everyone huddled around Bella.

Esme had her arms around Bella, embracing her as Bella tried not to let her emotions get the best of her. The bag of blood lay next to her, slowly dripping out blood rhythmically. Jasper was sitting some feet away from them, trying to help control what Bella was feeling. He looked at me, and then glanced towards the sweater I had in my arms, cocking an eyebrow. Rosalie stood nearby, behind Emmett as he stayed seated next to Alice. She glanced at me as well but said nothing about the sweatshirt. _Esme told her about what’s going on in Forks,_ Rosalie said. I nodded. Of course, she would need to know the whole story – the fabricated one - before we left.

I didn’t think we would need to explain to Bella that she was now effectively considered dead by her peers. In all consideration, she most likely was already considered dead by the investigation into her disappearance. Carlisle murmured to me yesterday that Bella’s mother had been informed of what was going on, and that she had lost her mind. He had told me through his thoughts - he didn’t want to upset Esme and I agreed. The police department in Forks had taken charge of the Chief’s memorial, and they were in the midst of helping Renee plan the funerals. They had shut down the high school indefinitely, allowing the students to go out and help search for Bella. Carlisle took Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie out to ‘help’, knowing it would look suspicious if we didn’t. Apparently, some of the La Push citizens were also out searching, but they stayed clear out of the way from us.

Carlisle explained to a few inquisitive minds that Esme’s dearest aunt back in Alaska was terminally ill with cancer, and was making preparations to move back to help take care of her. Alice and I would be moving with her for support, explaining why we weren’t joining the search parties. Of course, people sympathized with Esme - they all thought she was so lovely for taking in so many orphans and raising them right. Carlisle also let it slip that Esme was very concerned about what happened to the Swans - we lived in an isolated area as well. Carlisle was setting the groundwork for us to leave painlessly by the end of the summer.

Bella shivered again, crossing her arms and trying to warm up. _She’ll be cold for a long time,_ Emmett thought. I looked down at the worn sweater in my hands. Carlisle bought it for me the first time I had been accepted into medical school. He’d been so proud that year, clapping loudly for me at my white coat ceremony. Even though I was dead I still felt a pang in my chest as I walked across that stage and looked out at my family. I’d never been close to my biological father, and Carlisle gave me the fatherly affection I had craved all my life as a human. I fingered the logo of the sweater, fond of the memories it had given me. I strode over to where Bella and Esme sat, and holding it to her.

A truce.

Bella’s crimson eyes looked up at me, and I fought to stay upright. She looked so forlorn - so _lost._ The dark circles underneath her eyes weren’t as prominent as they had been when she had awoken, but they still lingered as a reminder of what she now was. She stared at the old sweater in my hand, hesitating.

Esme rubbed her back soothingly. “Why don’t we get you changed?” She murmured, alluding to Bella’s now tattered clothes. “You can take a shower if you like.” Bella reached up then, taking the sweater from my hand. Her fingers brushed past mine and a current of electricity ran through us, causing us both to jump. She yelped slightly, and let my sweater fall to the floor. I ran my hand through my messy hair, moving to stand by Rosalie. She gave me a strange look but said nothing. I almost hugged her for it.

Bella took my sweater off of the floor, letting it sit in her lap as she traced the wording. She glanced at Esme, nodding shyly. Esme’s lips lifted up some, and she stood up, helping Bella to her feet. Bella wobbled some before getting her footing, holding Esme’s hand like a lifeline. I briefly wondered if she would still be clumsy in this life. Esme motioned for us all to leave, except for Alice.

I followed Jasper out of the room, waiting for everyone else. Carlisle was the last one out and shut the door gently, motioning for us all to come downstairs with him. As we climbed down, the door to the guest room creaked open, and Alice came bounding down the stairs, heading straight into Carlisle and Esme’s room. We all continued downstairs into the living room as Alice rifled through Esme’s closet, humming softly to herself.

_Blue or pink, blue or pink?_ Alice thought to herself, holding up two shirts. She eventually decided on the blue shirt, citing it would look nicer with Bella’s skin. She also picked up a pair of brown pants, socks and a bag with…ladies unmentionables. Alice must have gone out to get some at some point. She headed back up to the guest room to help Esme.

“I’m sure you must have more questions,” Esme said. “But I think it might be better to give you some space for now.”

“Um...thank you.”

Esme proceeded to show Bella where the towels were and how the shower worked, leaving her to her own business. Esme and Alice sat on the bed in the guest room, whispering at a fast speed between themselves so Bella wouldn’t hear.

“I think we should take her out to hunt soon,” Jasper said.

“Are you crazy?” Rosalie hissed, sitting down at the dining table. “She just woke up!”

“We can give her those IV bags for now,” Emmett pointed out. “It’s too dangerous to take her out now with all those search parties looking for her.”

“Yeah, and with our luck, she’ll find _them._ ” Rosalie scoffed.

“Did you guys not see what I saw up there?” Jasper asked, incredulous. “She _restrained_ herself. I felt her resolve.”

“Oh give me a break Jasper.” Rosalie snapped. “What, she held off for ten minutes? Is that what you’re referring to? Those were _IV bags._ Humans smell a lot better than a plastic bag.”

Jasper narrowed his eyes. “The fact that she held off at _all_ signifies that she has more restraint than normal for a newborn, and we should acknowledge that significance.”

“Stop. Both of you.” Carlisle said, pinching the bridge of his nose. He sighed heavily as he took a seat at the head of the table. His hand covered his forehead and it was quiet for a few moments as he closed his eyes, thinking. I preferred not looking into his thoughts when he was like this. He deserved privacy.

“You’re both right,” Carlisle said finally, massaging his temples. Rosalie scowled at not having Carlisle’s complete support while Jasper smiled smugly. Emmett looked between the two of them, looking exasperated. “But we cannot in good conscious take Bella out to hunt right now. It’s much too dangerous - for us and for the humans.” Jasper’s smile fell at that and was quickly replaced with a blank look. Rosalie gave him a sly look, vindication rolling off of her in waves. I rolled my eyes at their petty fight.

“So what do we do now?” Emmett asked.

“We start packing. I’ll have to let Tanya know we’re coming to Alaska indefinitely, and she can help us with getting the house ready.”

“Are you sure she’ll come with us?” Emmett whispered, leaning in. “She might want nothing to do with us.”

“She’ll come,” Alice said, bounding down the stairs. She sat on Jasper’s lap, surprising him. She laughed at his face, turning towards Carlisle with a bright smile plastered on her face. “She already feels a connection with us. Well, a couple of us.” She said turning towards me, and everyone’s gaze lands on my startled face.

“That's impossible,” I stammer.

“Yeah, Edward’s been a real dick to her.” Emmett chimed in. Alice laughed.

“Not _you_ specifically Edward.” Alice giggled. _Although she does trust you, the dick you may be._ “She likes Esme and trusts her. She must have bonded with Esme during the transformation. It’ll be good for them to go to Alaska together.”

Carlisle smiled at the thought of Esme making a strong bond with Bella. It was strangely reminiscent of when I first awoke a vampire, staying near Carlisle’s side like a toddler. The bond a newborn makes with others while transforming is akin to a mother and her unborn child in the womb. If Esme had indeed bonded with Bella, our work may have been cut in half.

“Esme’s a good influence.” Carlisle agreed.

“Still,” Rosalie mumbles. “Esme _is_ a good influence, but will that be enough to keep her on track? She might run away.”

“She won’t,” Alice said confidently. Rosalie narrows her eyes.

“We all know the future isn’t set in stone Alice.”

“And you all know better than to bet against me.” Alice stares Rosalie down, grinning as Rosalie rolls her eyes, conceding.

“When will they leave then?” Jasper asked, running his fingers down Alice’s back.

“Well, we should probably wait until after the memorial. I can drive Esme and Bella up to Alaska a couple of days later and then come back. Alice and Edward can come with us to help settle them in.

“There’s going to be a memorial?”

We all turn to see Bella in the living room, frozen in place. Her crimson eyes were wide open. _Shit,_ Jasper thought. Esme came running down, an apology written all over her face.

_She heard the word ‘memorial’ and came running down. I don’t think she even realized how quickly she got here._ She thought.

“Why are you silent?” Bella asked us, looking at everyone. “When is the memorial?”

“...We’re not sure just yet.” Carlisle gave in. “Most likely in a couple of days.”

Bella nodded at that, looking down. Her dark chestnut hair was wet, curling at the ends where it was already starting to dry. There were splotches of water on my Dartmouth sweater she was wearing. It was entirely too large for her, but I regretted to admit it suited her for some reason. She looked back up, gazing intensely at Carlisle. “I want to go.”

“Absolutely not,” I said, surprising myself. I stood up as well, staring her down as she glared at me.

“Why not? Charlie is - _was_ my father.” She stumbled, and I could start to feel my resolve soften looking at her forlorn face. Jasper sent a wave of calm across the room, and I glanced at him slyly. He nodded once at me, his hair falling into his face. _Keep your ground,_ he warned.

“You can’t be around humans right now,” I reply, watching as her face turns sour at my explanation.

“I can hold _it._ ” She spits out. Carlisle walks to stand next to me, placing a hand on my back.

“Bella,” Carlisle says gently. She looks at him, a tentative look crossing her face. “No matter how much you think you can restrain yourself, you _can’t._ ” He explains, and she becomes crestfallen.

“It’s my _dad_ ,” She whispers, and she bites down on her lip hard to keep from crying out. “How could I not attend my own father’s funeral?” She breathes in and buries her face in her palm. She breathed in deeply for several moments. I tried to search for her mind, but she was still a blank wall to me. I almost growled in my frustration. She was still as closed off from me as ever.

Rosalie looked away in discomfort, preferring not to witness a breakdown. Emmett peered at Bella dismally, remembering his own torment of emotions when he was changed. The only difference between the two of them was that he had Rosalie to lean on, his own personal angel. The truth of the matter was that none of us have had to deal with grief – pure, agonizing _anguish_ – in decades. We had, for the most part, moved on from our human lives. Rosalie had her moments – when she watched Emmett some days she desperately wished to bear his children – but it was something we all accepted. Bella’s entrance into our lives had thrown everything into disarray, and now we were forced to watch a former human bereave her life and help her adjust to being a vampire.

Jasper fidgeted in discomfort where he was sitting. He was receiving a blunt force of Bella’s emotions. _I almost wish she was just hungry,_ he groaned inwardly. Alice rubbed his shoulders, staring at one of the walls. Bella’s transformation had affected her as well. I knew she was thinking about her mysterious past life as a human. She had very few memories of her human life, but all she could remember were the brief glimpses of the asylum she had been tortured in. She would never admit it, not even to Jasper, but she struggled to get over her past life and was still grieving a past she didn’t even recall. Out of all of us, she could relate to Bella’s traumatic turning the most. Even Rosalie related somewhat to Bella’s trauma. She hadn’t objected as much as I thought she would have. She may not have been able to control all of her snide remarks, but the concern was there. Alice caught my eye, and tried to smile but failed. I frowned. She was deeply troubled by something but blocked off her thoughts from me again.

Esme stood behind Bella, concerned. She was confused about whether she should comfort her, or let her grieve in peace. She reached out a hand to Bella’s back, rubbing her shoulder somewhat awkwardly. The whole situation didn’t feel real. It was as if someone had dropped off a newborn baby at our doorstep. We were now Bella’s caretakers in every sense of the word. We would be her therapist, her dietician, teacher and life coach. It was disconcerting. The last change in the family was easy – Emmett took to vampire life quite easily if you disregarded the thirst. He missed his family of course, but he didn’t have much family, to begin with. He started his life anew with Rosalie and the rest of us.

I suddenly couldn’t take any more of this. I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave the house, but I had to get out of the room that was closing in on me. I snuck past Carlisle into the kitchen, walking past the chrome refrigerator and marble countertops and out of the back door, leading into the garden. I leaned against the house and breathed out, expelling all of the breath I kept in my body. My fists balled up, and I struggled to think.

I could hear Bella crying from where I was standing outside, and the sound hurt me. Was I that upset when I found out what I was? I couldn’t exactly recall. My mother and father died naturally, not like me. I was glad to know their souls hadn’t been damned to this hell of an existence such as mine had been. I was becoming more sympathetic to Bella’s plight with every passing second. She had not only been changed, but she also witnessed the murder of her father. She still had a living mother – one she once described as being child-like and carefree – out there, wondering what the hell had happened to her child. I willed my mind to be more patient and understanding. _Don’t frustrate yourself. She needs time._

Bella would have time. She had all the time in the world now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lines Alice and Edward quote to one another ‘Be strong, saith my heart. I am a Soldier, I have seen worse sights than this.’ are originally from Homer’s epic, The Odyssey, and paraphrased by Donna Tartt in her novel The Secret History.


	6. Here Lies

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

The next two days that had passed were simultaneously the slowest and fastest days I had ever experienced. I so desperately wanted to sleep away the grief, but sleep didn’t come to vampires. I didn’t even have the option of gorging myself on food – I’d just throw it all up eventually.

Carlisle and Jasper kept a fridge full of IV bags with animal blood for me. There was a large variety; deer, black bear, elk, mountain lion, _grizzly_ bear – which is apparently Emmett’s favorite so could I please not drink all of that? – cougar, coyote, wolf. I blanched at all the options and tried to keep myself from drinking at all. I thought if I starved myself and died that way I could stop myself from having to live such a gruesome existence. However, within a few hours, my throat started burning again, and I had to stop myself from clawing at my neck in front of the Cullen’s. Unfortunately for me, Jasper would correctly deduce when I was thirsty again and made sure I drank an IV bag.

Edward avoided me at all times, ducking out of rooms if he saw me in there. Annoyed by this, I decided to spend my now vast amount of time in the guest room where I had woken up. I also discovered that my hearing and eyesight had greatly improved, and I could hear every so-called whisper in the house. Of course, it seemed as if the Cullen’s had other ways of communicating without my tuning in. They might as well have posted a sign outside the door that said GO AWAY BELLA, and it’d still be less obvious.

Not that they weren’t being kind. Well, as kind as they could be. Rosalie ignored me, and I stayed out of her way as well. She peered at me as if I was a burden, and perhaps I was, but it wasn’t my fault I’d been randomly selected to die in a round of Trial by Vampire. Emmett was usually found by Rosalie’s side, but he would give me the occasional awkward smile. Jasper and Carlisle were always concerned about my thirst levels and would pop into the guest room every hour on the dot. Jasper seemed to always know when my thirst was rising and would bring a bag for me. I noticed that he always had a second bag for himself as well, but I didn’t want to call him out on it. Esme was sweet and motherly but allowed me my space. She seemed like she was perpetually about to say something to me but always decided against it at the last moment, giving me a timid smile. Despite her hesitance, I liked Esme the best. Edward, of course, ignored me as well. Alice was rather talkative, or she only seemed talkative because no one else knew what to say. She was thoughtful enough to ask me if I wanted her to get me some things from Charlie’s house, but I told her maybe after the funeral.

I wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral. The initial fight had almost come to a gasket between Edward and me before he suddenly walked out. Every time I tried to broach the subject again I was shut down quickly. They always cited my newborn status and how I have no control over my thirst. There was also the minor issue of being officially declared dead.

Isabella Swan. Dead.

If I showed up to the funeral in my current state, two things might happen. One, I show up and smell the humans – my friends and family – and kill them all in my thirst. Two, I might show great constraint for a newborn – which, according to Jasper was not likely, but I expose the supernatural world to humans. Both were not great options.

I didn’t have it in me to care though. I wanted to go so desperately. I could never forgive myself for not attending my father’s funeral. We should have died together. If anything, Charlie was the one who should have lived between the two of us. I was a walking disaster who was a magnet for unfortunate things. At least Charlie would have had a chance.

My poor mother. I had to put my head between my legs in order to stop myself from hyperventilating. Renee must be _crushed._ All I wanted was to run to her and bury myself in her warm arms and beg for her forgiveness. She would blame herself of course. She must be in Phil’s arms sobbing, wailing how she should have never let me leave Phoenix. She would have grieved Charlie, but I was her best friend. She wouldn’t be able to move on after my supposed death. I was concerned for her wellbeing. She’d been so upset when her mother died, even though they never truly got along. Renee was so easily overtaken by grief that I feared she might do something drastic. She might let her marriage to Phil crumble, or worse.

A knock on the door brings me out of my woolgathering. Alice peeks in, her inky black hair wet from a shower. She mouthed if she could come in, and I nodded hesitantly. I had myself wrapped in the comforter on the bed so that only my face was visible as I balled my body into the downy fabric. She pushed open the door, making a face at my pathetic state. She gave me a stiff smile when I noticed her face falter and I scowled, hiding my face even more. She sat beside me on the bed, tenderly resting her hand on my back as I turned away from her.

“Do you want to come out of your shell, Bella?” Alice inquired softly.

I shook my head vehemently, pulling the comforter closer to me. The force from my fingers accidentally ripped some of the seams in the blanket. I groaned internally. Apparently, I was ridiculously strong now as well, even stronger than Emmett currently. I’m sure I made quite a sight. A newborn vampire hiding in a depression den was probably not what the Cullen’s had prepared for. Emmett railed against classic stereotypes about vampires, and here I was hiding in my blanket/coffin.

Alice chuckled slightly, and I turned towards her, glowering. She laughed out loud then, amused by my appearance, and I looked in the mirror across from me. I had the comforter completely wrapped around my body, and only my face was visible. My harsh, red eyes glowed from underneath and I wanted to hide from myself. I turned away, not being able to stomach the sight of myself any longer.

“I’m sorry I laughed.” Alice apologizes, and I grunt in response. “But I thought you might be thirsty.”

I _was_ starting to feel thirsty again, but I felt like I had no room in my body. I had gorged on blood for the past two days, and I didn’t want to start again. Alice holds an IV bag out for me, and I shake my head. She makes a face of disbelief but otherwise withdraws it, holding it against her stomach.

“Well, I’m not sure if you’d be too interested, but I had a little chat with Carlisle, and I think I might have found a plan for you to see the funeral after all.” She mentioned nonchalantly, swinging her legs off the side of the bed. I turned to her in surprise, the comforter falling off my head and revealing the bird’s nest that was my hair.

“ _Really?_ ” I squeak, and Alice grins, her sharp teeth gleaming in the bright light of the room.

“Don’t get _too_ excited, you still won’t be able to go in person.” I harrumph at that. Why did she bring it up if I couldn’t go in person? That was the whole point after all.

Alice tilts her head at me, frowning slightly. “Don’t be like that Bella. Once you leave the safety of the house you’ll understand what we mean.”

Deep down I felt that she was right. Carlisle had explained to me that even though animal blood was their main diet, human blood smelled much richer and sweeter. If I was having trouble keeping my thirst down with just the IV bags in the house, going outside where the scent of humans was everywhere would be an absolute nightmare for everyone.

I grumble underneath my breath. “I guess.”

“Anyways,” Alice moves on. “I found this tiny little camera online!” She takes something out of her pocket then and hands it to me. “Be careful okay? It’s very fragile.”

I hold the small, black camera in both of my palms, staring at it. It was tiny, just slightly bigger than my thumbnail. The lens was nice and clear, with an iridescent circle just behind it, and I could see inside the camera at the machinery behind it. There was a small clip on the back of it, made to clip onto something thin, and the small power button on the side. I look at Alice for an explanation.

Alice beams at me. “Edward or Carlisle can wear it on their suit jacket to the memorial! Its wireless and we can connect it to a laptop so that you’ll be able to watch from home! I bought a matching earpiece so you can hear as well.” She winks at me, taking the small camera from my grasp and placing it on the nightstand.

I gawk at Alice, trying to stop the sobs that were about to escape my mouth. She had found a way to circumvent my current situation and allow me to say goodbye to my family. I bit down on my lip hard, and if I was human I was sure I might have broken through the skin.

“T-thank you.” I stammer, and Alice smiles tenderly. “Alice, _thank you._ ” I threw my arms around her suddenly, and we fall back onto the bed as I squeeze her tight. She laughs as she wraps her arms around my waist. I tighten my grip, although it seems to be too much because she starts to gasp.

“You’re very welcome Bella,” She breathes. “But please don’t thank me by cutting off my air supply. It sends mixed messages.”

I let go of her at once, standing on my knees above her. She takes in a deep breath and grins widely at me, shaking her head in amusement. I smile sheepishly.

“I thought vampires didn’t have to breathe,” I mumble.

“Well, we don’t _have_ to _._ It is uncomfortable though, and it looks more human if we breathe normally.”

I shake my head at that. “I don’t know how I’ll keep this stuff straight. It’s too much.”

Alice lifts her lips in sympathy. Her small, elfin-like face glowed silver-white in the moonlight cascading down from the large window I had opened. Her wet black hair fell in her face, and she casually flipped it back, running her thin fingers through it. Her hair was choppy, and fell in layers to the top of her neck, just past her jawline. Wisps of it fell on her forehead. She noticed me staring at it, and gave me a wry smile. She held onto a small lock and looked at it. “It was cut before I was changed. I eventually figured out it wouldn’t grow back.”

I nodded awkwardly, not sure what to say. She was leaning up on her elbows and gazed at me blankly. “What?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Nothing. Just thinking about how you’ll fit into our lives after this.”

Well, I see that she liked keeping things subtle. “Listen, I know this is a burden on you all-”

She laughed again. “That’s not what I meant silly. I _know_ you’ll stick around. I’m just wondering in what manner.” She said that last part quietly, more to herself. Regardless, she was making no sense. A loud thump on the wall vibrated through the whole house and I jumped. Alice rolled her amber eyes.

“Ignore Edward. You’ll soon notice he’s very moody.”

“Don’t need to be a vampire to see that,” I grumble. I hear Emmett and Jasper cackle from all the way downstairs, and I realize I had said that out loud. I look at Alice sheepishly, wondering if they were laughing at what I said. She giggled, hiding her mouth behind her palm as she nodded yes fervently. I groaned. That meant Edward heard it as well.

Alice took a moment to come down from her giggle high, but I could still hear the boys downstairs guffawing. A door opened, and a voice asked what they were laughing about. I heard Emmett explain to Rosalie what I’d been grumbling about, and she snickered. Another thump was made, though this one made on the floor. It only started their laughter up again downstairs. I frowned, feeling bad about making a snarky comment about Edward. And I had made it essentially right to his face. Alice snapped her fingers, commanding my attention. She grinned at me from where she was resting on the bed. “He’ll get over it. Tomorrow it’ll be someone else who’s the butt of everyone’s jokes. It’s usually Edward though.” She mouthed that last part, snickering to herself.

Still, I was quiet. I pondered what Alice could have meant when she said she already knew I’d be sticking around. Would I be a nuisance? Would I stay after they helped me out of the newborn phase? Alice lightly nudged me with her foot, bringing me back to reality.

“Earth to Bella, this is ground control speaking.” She teased. I smiled half-heartedly at her attempts to make me feel better. “Anything on your mind?” She asked.

“What…” I lead off, not sure if I should ask. She smiled nicely, encouraging me. “What did you mean, when you said you _knew_ I would stay with you?” I finally asked. She stared at me for a beat, mulling something over.

She sat up, crossing her legs Indian style. She was still silent as I waited for her to explain herself. “Oh what the hell, I might as well tell you. You’re already a vampire, so how much weirder can it be?” She mumbled to herself.

“Alice…” A warning came out from the hall, and I turned, startled.

She turned towards the door, staring at it. I heard Edward grumbling about something. I looked between Alice and the door, wondering what she was doing. I narrowed my eyes as she swiveled back to meet me. “What aren’t you telling me?”

She looked at me and finally came out with it. “I can see the future.”

All was quiet in the house as the words left her lips. She smiled brightly at me, shrugging. “Surprise.” She murmured.

“You what?” I asked, emotionless.

“I see the future. You know, events that are still to come?”

“And you just…see it?” I asked dumbly. She chuckled, nodding slowly as if I was dumb.

“Does that just…is that standard in every vampire model?” I asked her, a bit mean.

“Ha! No, it’s not. Some vampires bring over… _abilities_ from their human life.” She explained, and I looked at her dumbly. “I had visions when I was human. Not powerful ones like I do now, but I could still discern when something was going to happen.”

“I see.” I didn’t see. “So…does everyone here has some…power?” I ask, embarrassed.

“Well…” She trailed off, and I knew I needed to strap myself in for another session of overwhelming knowledge. “Jasper is an empath. He can feel what you’re feeling, and he can affect your emotions as well.”

“You’re joking.” She shook her head. “So he can feel what I’m feeling right now?” I whispered, and I tried to stop myself from emitting any emotion. As if she knew what I was doing, she leaned in and smirked.

“He can feel you trying to be emotionless right now.”

“That’s messed up,” I said bluntly, and I heard laughs from downstairs. I scowled. I’m glad they were all getting free entertainment out of my ignorance.

Alice rolled her eyes at her siblings, as I realized something. Jasper always came up when the itch in my throat started to flare again and I tried to control it. “Um, Alice? Can Jasper…” I pointed to my throat, not wanting to say it out loud. Her face fell serious, and she nodded.

“He can feel all of our thirsts.” She confirmed, whispering very softly so he wouldn’t hear us. I felt guilty as if it was my being there that was causing Jasper to be thirsty all the time. Alice shook her head, warning me silently not to feel bad. I stare at the ground instead. I slyly glance back up to see Alice staring at me. The awkward atmosphere had mostly dissipated between us, and it was instead a nice calm. I enjoyed when I found someone I could be silent with. It meant I wasn’t forced to make small talk with them.

“So…anything else I should know?” I ask hesitantly, wondering what other powers the other Cullen’s might have.

“Well, not everyone brings over some supernatural ability. Some bring over their strongest traits from when they were human. Take Emmett for example. He’s like, _super_ strong.” She exaggerated. I heard Emmett say ‘Aw yeah,’ in confirmation and it got a small laugh out of me. “Rosalie is mind-numbingly gorgeous. Her beauty could launch a thousand ships.” She says dramatically, her eyes alight. “Carlisle is very compassionate. Esme is very maternal, the love that pours from her flows like a river. Edward just so happens to read minds.” She blew through that last part, and my jaw unhinged as I stared at her in shock.

“ALICE.” Edward rumbles, and she shrinks in fear.

“He reads _minds?_ ” I hiss. I had been freaking out for nothing over Jasper’s power and Edward was sitting in the room across the hall, reading my every single thought. I cursed inwardly, and then stopped, berating myself when I knew he could hear everything. How many times had I thought of him during school, while I sat next to him? He must have known how much I wanted him to pay attention to me those first few days after Tyler’s van almost hit me. How much of an open book was I to him? He must have been telling his family everything I was thinking. I grabbed for the comforter again, burying myself in it as I groaned. _This was not good._ Alice lightly rubbed my back as I leaned over, willing myself to wake up from the worst dream I’ve ever had.

“Guess I shouldn’t have sprung that on you, huh?” She said.

“If it’s any consolation, I can’t hear _your_ thoughts.” A low voice says, and I peek out of the blanket to see Edward standing in the doorway. His tall frame blocked most of the door, and he leaned on the hinges, shoving his hands into his pockets. He chuckled at my appearance, and I looked down, realizing I was still covered by the blanket. I slowly uncovered myself, revealing the old Dartmouth sweater I was still wearing. His face turned blank at that, and I crossed my arms shyly, wondering if he wanted it back before I realized what he had said.

“You can’t hear me?” I asked slowly.

He shook his head, pursing his lips. He looked frustrated. “You’ve been completely blocked off to me, ever since we met. You’re just…blank.” He said quietly.

“Oh,” I said simply. I almost sighed in relief, but that would have been as much of an indicator of my thoughts if he had read them. How could a mind reader not hear just _one_ mind? The atmosphere had tensed again as the three of us said nothing. _Can you hear me?_ I thought. I tried to raise the volume of my inner thoughts, concentrating. Edward furrowed his eyebrows, staring at me.

“Are you trying to get me to hear you?”

“Um,” I guess I was, although I didn’t know why. Just a minute ago I was silently rejoicing he wasn’t in my mind, filtering through my thoughts.

“Anything?” Alice asks, looking between the two of us.

Edward stares at me, contemplating something. “Nothing.”

At that, Edward decides to leave, turning his back on us as he made to step across the hallway.

“Wait,” I called out, and he turned back to me, raising an eyebrow. “Um…” I forgot what I was about to say. “Did you want this back?” I said, pointing to the sweatshirt sheepishly. I had accidentally spilled some blood on it yesterday, and I had freaked. Edward had been out with Jasper and Rosalie, so I felt safe enough to tug on Esme’s shirt and ask her if she could help me with the stain. Thankfully, this seemed to be a common enough occurrence in the Cullen residence, as Esme told me not to worry and showed me how to use their modern-looking washer. Edward stared at the sweater.

“That’s alright. You can keep it for now.” He said quietly, almost running to get out of the room. I frowned as he left quickly, looking down at the sweater. I tried to sniff it, to see if the scent of blood still lingered on the worn fabric. Alice looked down at me with a soft smile.

“There’s been enough blood on that thing to make a whole new animal.” She said very softly, winking at me. “Anyways, you _should_ be feeling thirsty now.” She said confidently, retrieving the IV bag from the nightstand next to the bed. I hadn’t even realized she had placed it somewhere else. She held it out to me. “Drink.” She commanded.

I did as she said, hesitantly holding the bag between both of my hands. I made a face, but the smell was starting to affect me, and the burn erupted in my throat then. I put the bag to my mouth, sucking gently. The thick substance washed down my throat, tasting of rust and iron as it soothed the burn momentarily. There was a hidden note to it as if it was starting to taste _good_ to me. When I first drank it, it only felt good, as I had finally iced a sore, itchy throat. I gagged, some of the blood coming back up my mouth. I wanted to spit it up, but Alice gave me a look and I forced it back down, gulping. It was like choking down vomit.

Her face softens. “It gets easier.”

I wish I could have believed her, but I didn’t.

* * *

** EDWARD **

The ride to the funeral home in Forks felt long, but only because Carlisle drove slightly above the speed limit. I gritted my teeth as I fidgeted in the passenger seat of Carlisle’s Mercedes. Carlisle glanced towards me and peeked at Rosalie and Alice in the back through his rearview mirror. Rosalie was staring at the scenery passing by, thinking of how she didn’t want to sit through the funeral. Alice was pondering what she needed to pack for Alaska, and planning her _goodbye_ to Jasper. I made a face, wishing I hadn’t seen that.

I made sure I had the camera in my pocket once again. I had tested out the camera this morning by running far into the woods while Jasper made sure the connection was hooked up to his laptop. We all wanted to make sure it worked so Bella would be able to have her goodbye. Rosalie grumbled about going out of our way to please ‘some random girl’, but Emmett had to gently remind her that she had been able to attend the funerals of her family in person, even if she had to watch from the edge of the cemetery or the back of a church. She conceded at that, but still complained lightly in her head.

Carlisle pulled into the parking lot, where the whole town seemed to be. We circled around a couple of times, trying to look for parking as people dressed in their finest black clothes walked into the funeral home. It was a dreadfully grey day, and Alice had informed us there was no chance of the sun coming out. At least there was some good news.

“Did the whole town come?” Rosalie murmured, staring out of the window as Carlisle eventually found some street parking. _Looks like we’re walking,_ she grumbled.

Carlisle put the car in park. “Chief Swan was a fine man,” He said, unbuckling his seatbelt. We all climbed out of the Mercedes and started on our way. Thankfully, no one stared at us as we walked past, their minds thinking of Chief Swan and Bella. There were a couple of pre-pubescent boys staring at Rosalie’s figure, but a quick glare from my end had them running back to their mothers. Rosalie nodded stiffly at me, thanking me for my silent intervention.

_You should turn the camera on Edward,_ Alice reminded me. I fished around in my coat for it, slyly clipping it onto my lapel. Thankfully the camera blended in perfectly with my coat, and I could hide it in case someone wondered too close to us. I quickly turned on the power on both the camera and the earpiece. I leaned into my shoulder, pretending to cough. “Is it working?” I mumble. I received a text message a second later, a quick confirmation from Jasper. We walked into the entrance of the hall, waiting to be greeted. I scanned the area quickly, stopping as I found two portraits on standing frames in the center of the circular room.

Chief Swan’s portrait was from when he was first inducted as Chief of Police. He looked staunch, his thick mustache combed to perfection and his uniform was and hat shined in the camera light. He had a straight, serious face as he looked every bit the part of a man who worshipped the law. Bella’s portrait was more casual. It was a headshot of her from when she lived in Phoenix. She had a shy smile, reluctant to show her teeth as the sun warmed her skin. The Grand Canyon stood behind her, but I was focused on the girl in front. She looked so young and _innocent._ My dead heart flopped in my chest as I continued to stare at Bella’s portrait. One of the local officers was greeting Carlisle then, and Alice tugged on my elbow, motioning us to move on.

“Dr. Cullen, I’m glad you were able to make it. Hey kids,” The officer waves at us slightly.

“Of course, we couldn’t miss it, Wyatt.” Carlisle murmured. “Are you getting any sleep?”

Wyatt shrugged, his eyes rimmed with sorrow and exhaustion. “Not really doc, but what can we do?” Carlisle nodded his head in agreement. _And still no god damn leads,_ Wyatt cursed internally. “Esme couldn’t make it?”

“No, unfortunately not. Her aunt is terminally ill, and she’s packing to move up with her to Alaska in a week.” Carlisle said mournfully. “Emmett and Jasper are helping her with some of the heavier things.”

“Aw, I’m sorry Carlisle. Give Esme my love. Edward, didn’t want to help your mom out today?” Wyatt tried to joke, but it fell flat. I was admittedly caught off guard by his question as I had stopped paying attention to his thoughts.

“Um…” I stammered, trying to look for a typical teenage excuse.

“He was friends with Bella.” Alice lies smoothly, and Wyatt’s face falls. His chubby red face twitches with emotion and we’re all silent.

“Oh, I’m sorry Edward. Hope I didn’t hurt your feelings,” He mumbled, crossing his arms.

“It’s alright,” I mumble under my breath, looking anywhere but him.

“She was a sweet kid. She came down to the station on one Saturday with lunch for all of us.” Wyatt recalls, and through his mind I see Bella walking into the Forks Police Station with a picnic basket, handing out warm grilled cheese sandwiches as she warmed up thermoses of tomato basil soup. She smiled shyly as Chief Swan awkwardly embraces her with one arm. Bella didn’t see it, but everyone saw Chief Swan glow with quiet pride for the rest of the day.

“She was a nice girl.” Carlisle murmurs in agreement.

“Alright, I’ll let you guys sit down. It should be starting soon.” He waved us off, and we walked quietly into the main room. Most of the seats were taken by now, and there were two coffins in front of the room, both closed shut. One had a wreath of ivy and the other a wreath of white tulips. A woman with short brown hair sat in the front, sobbing into a man’s arms. Through the man’s arms, I saw that the woman looked remarkably like Bella, only with light blue eyes. _That must be Bella’s mother,_ Carlisle thinks. I scan the room, catching Bella’s friends in the middle. Mike Newton, Eric Yorkie, and Angela Webber had been crying sincerely, their faces streaked with tears and eyes rimmed red. Tyler Crowley sat quietly, kicking at something on the floor. Jessica Stanley sat with her hands folded in her lap, willing herself not to tear up in front of Mike. I rolled my eyes at that. Lauren Mallory looked bored in her seat next to Jessica, twiddling her thumbs. She scanned the room as well, eyes widening when she saw us standing in the back. She nudged Jessica sharply, ignoring her cries of pain.

“Edward Cullen is here.” She hisses, and Jessica turns in astonishment. We all pretend not to hear her and look off in different directions. Jessica eyes me, and turns to her friends in the front aisle, whispering. A bevy of teenagers look in my direction, and I stare them head-on. Mike glowers at me, turning back into his seat as he mumbles “Jackass.” Angela gives him a look, swiveling back to us and giving us a small wave. Alice indulges her, and Rosalie and I stare at her in shock.

“Since when are you so friendly with humans?” Rosalie grills her in a high pitched voice so no one overhears. Alice pouts slightly.

“Since Bella became one of us.” She whispers. Rosalie rolls her eyes furiously, muttering to herself in her thoughts. She started thinking of an old friend, but quickly shook those thoughts from her mind. Alice looked up at our sister in dismay, knowing that she was thinking of old times but turned back to the front where the interim chief was standing and testing the mic on the podium.

“Um, if I can have everyone’s attention please we’d like to get started.” He mumbled.

Almost every officer on the force had a speech prepared in honor of Chief Swan. As the memorials were being spoken, I took the time to search for people’s thoughts as they all crowded into the small room. I was glad Alice had convinced us to drink before we came as the overwhelming scent of humans was starting to distract me from my task. Rosalie shifted on her heels uncomfortably, feeling the same way.

Mostly, people were convinced it was a premeditated attack against the Swans, but no one could figure out who could have been so vengeful. Charlie hadn’t charged anyone in town with a serious crime during his tenure. In fact, crime had gone down while he was chief. Except for the traffic violations and occasional shoplifting charge, Chief Swan had made Forks a very safe place to live. _Except for us,_ I thought bitterly. Mrs. Stanley threw out the theory at some point that it could have been someone in the heroin drug ring in Port Angeles that murdered the Swans. Charlie had been an integral part of the case and was present during the arrests. I had to admit; it was a good theory and could have been very plausible. That little rumor already had sparked an investigation, with detectives interviewing former ring members about their whereabouts that night and if anyone else might be implicated.

I nudge Carlisle who glances at me through the corner of his eye. _Anything?_ He asks.

I look at a painting on the left side and then move my eyes to the right side of the room. If anyone looked, they wouldn’t see me communicating with Carlisle. Carlisle breathed a sigh of relief, all the tension on his shoulders dissipating. “They think it might be the drug ring from last year.” I murmur at vampire speed. Carlisle nods, gazing at the speaker in the front of the room.

“Good theory.”

The current speaker ends, and we all clap politely. A woman moves to the stand, and I notice its Bella’s mother. I subtly adjust the camera, making sure Bella would have a clear visual. Renee was slim, and her light blue eyes were bloodshot from crying. She took a few moments to get her bearings together, tears rolling down her face. “Um…thank you all for coming,” She stumbles, her hands shaking as she pulls out a notecard. She looked down at it, trying to decipher the tear-stained note. Her thoughts were of a similar nature. It was interesting that I could hear Renee’s thoughts clearly, while Charlie’s had been muddled and quiet, and harder to read. Bella had once mentioned she had gained her father’s quiet disposition.

“I…I haven’t been to Forks in almost seventeen years.” She said quietly. She had wiped her tears with a handkerchief her husband handed her. “I never thought I would come back to bury my baby.”

All was quiet as they listened to Renee speak about she first met Charlie and how it had been love at first sight. She didn’t voice it, but she was just as devastated about Charlie’s death as much as Bella’s. There was a small part of her that still loved him, even if she was in love with someone else now. “And Bella…my sweet Isabella.” She teared up. “I should have…I should have been a better mother to her. Did you all know she started the bookkeeping for us when she in the fifth grade?” She cry-laughs. “She was so responsible and mature for her age. I’ve thought about it, and if I had to raise Bella again, I’d do it so much differently.” Renee whispers. “I’d make sure she was happy, happier than she let on.” Inside, Renee was cursing. _I should have never let her come to this forsaken town._

“Bella…Bella loved books. And animals. I think she liked those two things better than people.” That got a few laughs out from the audience. “We adopted this small yellow kitten when Bella was young, I think she was five? Anyways, she would read to this kitten _every day_. Everything from her storybooks to the cereal box. The kitten ended up running away one day, and Bella was so devastated.” Renee trailed off. “I think I’m only feeling a fraction of what she might have felt that day.”

“I am…so _heartbroken,”_ She sobbed. “I miss them both so much. They didn’t deserve this, any of this.” Renee became incapable of speaking then, sobbing into her hands. Her husband Phil had to gently take her away from the podium. I shifted, becoming uncomfortable as there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. Alice nudged me, passing me a small bottle of fake tears. I glanced at her and saw her eyes swimming in the liquid, and she looked upset enough. Rosalie was turned into the wall, pretending to wipe her eyes. Carlisle and I were stone-faced, but I handed him the bottle if he wanted it. He almost cracked a smile and put in the drops quickly so no one would notice.

People were starting to mill about and leave, so I checked my watch. It was almost time for the burial. Rosalie led the way out and we walked a slow pace to the car. I breathed in the fresh air, grateful we were out of that human packed hall. We all sat in the car, not moving. Carlisle slumped in his seat and he closed his eyes. The circles under his eyes were starting to become more prominent. He hadn’t been taking proper care of himself the past week, instead making sure we were all fed plus the stress of taking care of a newborn. He hadn’t been near a newborn in almost seventy years and had forgotten how exhausting it was. It had been his idea to collect the blood of various animals into IV bags for easy access for Bella to consume. He didn’t say it, but he knew it would be easier on Jasper as well, and he wouldn’t have to continually go hunt when he was around Bella’s constant thirst.

“You should hunt after this.” I murmur, and he glances at me. Alice and Rosalie nod in agreement, and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. I turned off the earpiece and camera for now, not willing to accidentally record the conversation and live stream it at home.

“I know. Maybe I’ll grab a bag after this.” He chuckled.

“That was a good idea dad,” Alice complements, and Carlisle smiles at being called ‘dad’.

“I’m just glad it seems to be working for now.” _I thought of it years ago in case I ever had to change someone else._ As if realizing his mistake, Carlisle turns to me in surprise. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

“What do you mean by that?”

_I think you know what I mean._ I scowl, realizing his hints.

“Mind telling us commoners what’s going on?” Rosalie grumbles. She pulled out her cell phone and started texting Emmett.

“Nothing,” I grumble. Carlisle pulls out of the space, putting the car into drive and sped off to the cemetery. I was annoyed by his insinuation that I might find someone to love and damn. If Carlisle had found another girl dying in the street, would he change her in hopes that I might come to love her? He had already damned Rosalie to this life for me, and while she was eternally happy with Emmett, there was a part of her that still resented Carlisle for that night. She resented me slightly as well. My rejection of her only proved that she had been changed for naught. I couldn’t go through the same thing again with a different girl and be the cause of her resentment. She would be damned for nothing.

We reached the cemetery in record time. I groaned at the fact that we had parked next to Tyler’s van. Alice gave me a small smirk as she climbed out of the car. _The past never dies. I thought you would have realized that by now Edward._

“I just never realized the past has a sense of irony,” I muttered, shutting the door. Rosalie ignored all of us, striding over to the sidewalk and into the grass. I swiftly turned on the camera and earpiece and made sure it was working. Snowflakes were beginning to fall, and they tangled into our hair and dissolved. Rosalie made a face as she regarded her heels, hoping they wouldn’t be ruined. Alice beamed at the sky. The general consensus was that most people had wished they had the foresight to bring a coat. Everyone from the funeral home had reached the cemetery by now, and the hearses containing the Chief’s and Bella’s coffins were just arriving. Renee and her husband Phil climbed out of a black rental car. Renee was trying to hide her tears as Phil greeted the priest. They made their way over to a small seating area, and we all followed suit. The Forks Police Force arranged for some of the band students at the high school to play a somber rendition of _Taps,_ and the police force carried both coffins in front of the graves already dug up. The next hour was filled with emotional turmoil as people gave their condolences to Renee and Phil. The priest said his final words, and finally, it was time to bury the coffins. Renee wailed with fresh tears as people started to put in handfuls of dirt in both graves. The graves were side by side, separated by only a few inches, but they would be sharing a large headstone.

_Here Lies:_

_Chief Charles Swan; Beloved Father, Son, and Husband_

_He Served Well and True._

_1964-2005_

_Bella Swan; Loving Daughter and Friend_

_Her Smile Was Sweeter Than Sunshine._

_1987-2005_

We quickly put in our handfuls of dirt and threw them on the coffins. We were the last people in line, and we waited to give our condolences to Bella’s mother and stepfather. I wondered what she was thinking right now, seeing her mother for the last time through a laptop screen. We hadn’t received any calls urging us to come home right away, so we assumed she must be fine.

Fine as she could be, at least.

“We are so sorry for your loss.” Carlisle murmured, holding Renee’s hand in his. She shivered at his cold touch but grabbed it anyway.

“Thank you.” She said. Her voice was rough with emotion, and I noticed that her voice was just a tinge higher than Bella’s was. She glanced at all of us, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I’m sorry, but I don’t recognize you.” She murmurs, looking towards Carlisle again.

“Of course, we only moved here two years ago. I’m Dr. Cullen. These are my children, Edward, Alice, and Rosalie.” Carlisle discloses. Her eyes widen in surprise, staring at me in particular.

“Edward Cullen?” I raise an eyebrow and nod once. Did Bella tell her mother about me?

She sighs, moving closer to me and takes my hand in hers, catching me off guard. “You saved my daughter’s life.” She recalled in her mind the phone call with Charlie about how Bella was in the hospital and then talking to Bella on the phone once she was home safe and sound. “I wish we met under better circumstances.” She whispers, staring intensely into my eyes. They were about the same height. Bella didn’t receive her mother’s blue eyes, but she certainly inherited her intensity and her bold stare.

“So do I,” I say quietly, lying smoothly. Had Bella never been attacked, I would have never met her mother in any circumstance. Renee took another moment to look me up and down, appraising the man who saved her daughter once. _I only wish he could have saved her again,_ she thought mournfully.

I wish I had too.

Renee smiled at Alice and Rosalie politely, her lips tight with tension. They returned the gesture, and we bid goodbye to the grieving mother. Carlisle ran into some of his colleagues from the hospital and was making small talk with them, murmuring about what a shame it was about Chief Swan and Bella. Alice and Rosalie whispered amongst themselves near a grove of trees, glancing over at me every once in a while. I couldn’t stand their thoughts, so I moved away to take a walk.

I somehow found myself in front of the Swan’s headstone again. They had filled the graves quickly and I stood at the edge of the now flattened earth. Years from now, maybe even months all of this would be forgotten, and all that would be left of the Swan’s was a large slate headstone bearing their names. I surprised myself and I couldn’t tell why I was upset. It’s not as if I hadn’t gone through the same thing, burying my parents and later on myself. I’ve grown used to this life, and I’ve seen how dark of a man I could be. Deep down I knew I deserved this life, and I deserved to watch the future pass me by as I longed for an ending to my misery. But Bella was a different story. She was fundamentally _good,_ and pure at heart.

“Hi, Edward.” A small voice greets me, and I turn to see Angela standing behind me, holding a bouquet of white roses. She pushes her glasses further up her nose as she studies me. I give her a semblance of a pained smile and raise my hand to greet her, not in the mood to speak. She moves in front of me, placing the bouquet on the top of the headstone. Her light brown curly hair is sprinkled with snowflakes, and she shivers as she crosses her arms and tries to warm herself. I point silently to my jacket, asking if she’d like it. She shakes her head no and smiles shyly at me. _He’s sweeter then he lets on._ She thinks.

We stand in silence for a few minutes in front of the grave, looking down. We made eye contact twice and quickly averted our eyes. I didn’t mind Angela, but I wasn’t in the mood to be near humans. I was just lucky I wasn’t standing next to Jessica or Mike. I gritted my teeth at that thought.

“She was really nice, wasn’t she?” Angela muses, and I’m not sure what to say entirely. I clear my throat, and she looks up expectantly.

“Yeah, she was,” I mumble, kicking at the ground gently. My kick wasn’t as gentle as I thought, and I killed a small patch of grass. Angela noticed and purses her lips.

“You two didn’t seem that close.” She deduces, and I pay attention to her now. _He seems really beaten up by her death…_

“Well…” I start. I try to think of a good excuse, but Angela was right. We hadn’t been on friendly terms when Bella was still human. I don’t believe we were on friendly terms even now. I just shrugged my shoulders, leaving it at that. Angela studies me once more before turning back to the sad sight in front of us.

“Bella was a good friend.” She murmurs. “She helped me ask Ben to the dance.”

“That was nice of her,” I mutter. I see myself through Angela’s eyes, and I cringe at the image. I’m scowling at the ground, my face tight with unsaid tension. _Should I ask him? He looks so angry. I’m almost sure he did now._ Sure of what? I take a glimpse at her and she meets me.

“Did you like her Edward?”

“What do you mean?”

“…I think you know what I mean.” The second time someone uttered that sentence to me today. “Did you have feelings for Bella?” _He saved her life, and he’s standing at her grave by himself. He had to have liked her._

I bite the inside of my cheek, ignoring the wind that wafted the smell of human right to my nose. I willed Angela to go away and let me be, but she stood firmly next to me, waiting for an answer. I looked over to where the rest of my family was, and they were engrossed in conversation with our school principal. Carlisle was explaining to him that Esme would be taking Alice and me to Alaska for the rest of the school year. The principal didn’t seem to mind that much, he was even somewhat relieved.

“I’m not sure what I felt,” I answer finally, and Angela accepts it. She seemed to realize that I was telling the truth. We stood in silence once more.

“Angela!” A deep voice calls, and we both turn towards the source. A chubby man with light brown curly hair motioned for Angela to move, and she smiles apologetically before moving. She pauses though, turning back to me. She hesitates, before placing a soothing, warm hand on my forearm.

“I miss her too.” She murmurs. The concern in her voice was comforting. I give her a tight-lipped smile, and she returned the gesture. She let go, waving goodbye as she ran off to meet her parents. I stare at her, pondering her line of questioning more deeply. Did she really believe that I had feelings for Bella? I felt something, but it was more along the lines of curiosity, not what she was thinking of. I tried to probe her mind once more before she disappeared out of range, but it was too late. She was already in her parent’s car, speeding off into the streets.

I sigh heavily and look up into the now evening sky. Clouds with snow still churned, and small snowflakes fell delicately. I could catch the unique patterns of each snowflake in my path, memorizing them before they dissolved on the ground. A few landed on my face, and I closed my eyes at the cool sensation, trying to figure it all out. When I opened my eyes, I could see the stars in the sky coming out of their shell. It was much too faint for the human eye, but the faint twinkle was easy enough to spot for a vampire. Soon, the entire sky would be filled with the golden light of stars whirling past, and I would spend yet another night staring and wishing for something better to come along.

A faint line of silver shot past, and I recognized it as a shooting star. I trailed it, watching it shoot across the endless ceiling of stars and beyond the horizon. In a past life, I recalled my mother holding me as a young boy, pointing at a shower of shooting stars deep in the countryside.

_“Do you know what shooting stars mean, Edward?” Mother asked me, and I turned towards her, shaking my head fervently. She laughed, tapping my nose playfully._

_“They’re the start of new beginnings. Signs from a greater being that all will be well.”_

_“Are you sure?” I ask, doubtful. She laughs again, her sea-green eyes full of mirth._

_“I met your father the night after I saw a shooting star fly across the sky. They are filled with fate, sweet boy.”_

The memory was still foggy, but my mother’s words had always stayed with me. I close my eyes, wishing everything would right itself.

A sign that all will be made well.


	7. First Step(s)

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** EDWARD **

We all sat in the living room, meandering about. Bella was currently holed up in her room, refusing to speak to anyone. I sighed as the image of her curled up on the bed with the blanket wrapped around her popped into my mind. A part of me thought we should never have let her watch the funeral, even remotely as it seemed to have made her mood worse. As I looked around the room and watched my family mill about, I realized that it had been exactly one week since Bella was attacked. If I closed my eyes and forgot about the entire ordeal, it felt like it was yet another Sunday night.

Jasper pulled a seat next to me on the dining table, heaving a heavy tome onto the table. I glanced up from the book I was trying to read. He flashed me a brief grin before sitting down himself and pulling out a notepad.

_What are you reading?_

“ _North and South,”_ I mumble, flipping to the cover. Jasper made a face.

_Looks dry._

“It’s not so bad. I wouldn’t read it again, however. What are you doing?”

Jasper showed off the cover of his massive book proudly. _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, volume I._ _Alice got it for me. One of the first volumes ever published, but something tells me you already knew that._

I grinned at his eagerness and confirmed his suspicions. Alice had me scouring the internet at all times for that very book now resting in his hands as her gift to him for their anniversary. We finally found it on some shady listing site, and Alice had made sure that the details were the same as the first edition should have been. Alice had been prepared to buy the edition for well over one thousand dollars, but she ended up paying the seller a measly fifty. Either the seller didn’t know what he was selling, or just didn’t care. Alice cackled when she finally got the book in the mail, and I chuckled at her skills.

Jasper laughed, feeding off the joy Alice and I conveyed from that day and shook his head smiling. _Thank you, Edward. Alice told me how hard you helped her look for it._

“You’re welcome Jasper,” I said, genuinely.

We both turned quiet, turning back to our respective books. We read in peace, flipping through pages of literature and history. Alice sat on the couch, braiding Rosalie’s long golden hair. Emmett lay in Rosalie’s lap, eyes closed and completely contented as Rosalie ran her fingers through his thick, brown curls. _I wish everything could be this calm, always,_ Emmett thought. Rosalie looked calm, but her thoughts were disturbing. She kept thinking of when she woke up to this hell of a life, and her last moments as a human. I’m sure Rosalie would have thrown me into a fire if I spoke her thoughts into existence, but I believe she was starting to see a similarity between herself and Bella. They were both torn from their humanity, never to gain it back.

Carlisle sat in his chair by the fireplace, reading through the latest medical journals and frowning as he highlighted a study. _How did they get these results? It’s like they’ve never taken statistics before. I’ll have to send a letter to the editor…_ he trailed off. I tried to turn back to my book, but I only grew frustrated with it. The novel’s heroine had dashed the hopes of the man hoping to marry her, only to realize later on that she loved him as well. The Victorian era was so melodramatic. I closed my book shut, not wanting to read it any further.

_Done already?_ Jasper asked, not looking up from his notes. I grunted in response. He glanced at me, noting my expression.

“It was dry,” I mumbled.

_So dry that you’re mad at it?_ He teased.

I rolled my eyes, looking down at the white lace tablecloth. Jasper shut the heavy tome, noting where he had left off in his head. _Why don’t we go for a walk?_ I shrugged. A walk would be nice, and the night was cool. There was still some snow on the ground from the morning, but by the time the sun rose in a few hours it would be but a memory. We stood quietly, striding over to the back door leading outside. Esme still had her gardening tools lying about, and I quickly put them in her tool bag so they wouldn’t rust with the constant rain.

Jasper smirked. _Momma’s boy._

I grinned back at him. “As if you aren’t.” We both chuckled, walking further out in the yard until we found ourselves at the edge of the woods, leading into darkness. The sound of crickets and frogs ribbiting filled the air, and we both stood still.

“I used to think nothing could ever be better than a southern night like in Texas.” Jasper murmured. We walked into the woods, twigs breaking beneath our feet. We were purposefully loud. Neither of us was thirsty, although Jasper might have felt something in the house, and that was only because of his close approximation to Bella. “The heat, the sound of cicadas at night. Now I love snow and the sound of birds. I think I’m being turned into a mountain man.”

I gave a short laugh. “It took me years to get used to the quiet. I lived in the busiest part of Chicago.” Jasper chuckled.

“City boys. That doesn’t surprise me.” Jasper teased, and he leaned his back against a great oak tree, towering above us. Above us, a squirrel scurried her children away from us, looking back at us with fear. They burrowed further into the dense top as I watched. I sighed, leaning back against a tree as well and closed my eyes.

“It’s so quiet, and we still can’t sleep,” Jasper whispered, picking up on my secret wish.

“I could sleep for a hundred years if I could,” I said, looking back to the house. I could see into the top floor, straight into my room. Jasper caught my glance, making a noise of agreement.

“It feels like forever since it happened,” Jasper said. “Hard to believe it’s only been one week.”

“And there’s still a long way to go.” I murmur. My voice sounded distant, but I still felt present in my body. Jasper nodded, kicking at some dirt with his shoe. An owl hooted in the distance.

“She tried to run yesterday.” Jasper drops, and I turn my head back to him in disbelief.

“ _What?_ You should have called us.” I hiss.

“We had the situation under control.”

“Why didn’t you tell any of us? How far did she manage to go?” I ask impatiently. I was furious that they didn’t tell any of us. Even Esme didn’t mention it.

“I said she _tried_ to run Edward. She didn’t make it out the house.” Jasper said.

Through his mind, I saw Bella seated in front of his laptop, watching the funeral wearily. She looked so exhausted, and the circles under her eyes had become prominent again, her eyes a bloody crimson. She became emotional during her mother’s speech, crying out for her when Renee started crying. Esme stood behind Bella, a comforting figure to turn to when she became too riled up. Jasper hit me with Bella’s emotions, and I felt like I had been overcome by a tidal wave. Panic and grief consumed me, and I shivered with distress.

“That was only a fraction of what she was feeling,” Jasper said quietly. He showed me the image of when it all became too much for her to bear. Her mother crying as they laid her and her father’s coffins six feet under. “She tried to run for it, but I felt her getting ready to escape. We held her back.” The image of Emmett and Jasper both holding her down in the living room as Esme kneeled down in front of Bella and tried to calm her was gut-wrenching. I shook it out of my mind, not wanting to witness any more of it.

“Does anyone else know?” I murmur.

“Alice saw it, but she saw us put an end to it quickly. She didn’t want to worry you all.”

I sigh heavily, standing straight. Jasper stands straight as well, shaking some dirt off from his shoulder. We decide to walk back to the house, straining ourselves to walk at a human pace.

“Carlisle wants us to take Bella hunting tomorrow morning,” Jasper says, putting his hands in his pockets. I look at him in surprise.

“Really? You think she’s ready?”

“Absolutely. She needs to get used to going outside and hunting.” Jasper murmurs.

“What about her control?”

“I believe her. I think she can hold her thirst back.” _As much as it pains me to say,_ Jasper thinks cynically. He was slightly bitter from the fact that a newborn vampire could hold their thirst better than he could. I frown.

“You don’t know for sure she can hold it once she gets outside.” I murmur. “Like you said, holding your thirst inside a house is easier than holding it in a dense population area.” Jasper nods at that, listening to reason. “But I have to know…” I say to myself.

“Know what?”

“Bella had an aversion to blood when she was human. She fainted at the smell of it during our blood-typing lab.” I wasn’t there to see this in person, but I watched her in Mike’s thoughts that day as he giddily helped Bella to the Nurse’s office as I hid in my car. “She claimed she could smell it.”

“That’s bullshit,” Jasper calls out, stopping in his place as he turned to me. We were about one hundred feet from the house, but we were still in danger of being heard if someone was truly trying to listen to our conversation. “Who can smell blood as a human?”

I raise an eyebrow. “She said it smelled like rust and iron to her. It made her gag.” Jasper makes a curious face at that, bringing his hand to scratch at his chin. _Could it be possible? Maybe she brought over her aversion to blood to this life..._ he pondered. He turned back to me.

“We should let Carlisle know. He’d be interested if this is what’s affecting her thirst control.” I nodded. _He should come with us tomorrow, to see in person._

“Who were you planning on taking?”

“Well, Emmett, you and myself. But I think we should bring Carlisle as well. He wasn’t planning on going, but he should see for himself what you’ve told me and make a note of it. It’s always better to stack the odds in our favor anyway, in case something goes wrong during the hunt.” He briefly imagined a hiker passing through our line of scent, and Bella losing all of her self-resolve. I nodded in agreement, knowing he was right.

“We better start preparing then.”

* * *

** BELLA  **

Esme let me borrow some of her clothes for today since I still had none of my own. Carlisle had let me know a few hours ago that I was to go hunting with them today. Alice tiptoed into the room with a duffle bag as I fidgeted with the clothes in my hands. Dark blue cotton trousers and a warm, dove grey sweater. Emmett apparently convinced Rosalie to let me borrow a pair of sneakers as well since we were both the same size. Emmett had dropped them in my room, giving me a half-hearted smile. I knew I had probably managed to piss off Rosalie even more now that my favor count had extended into borrowing her things, but I shrugged anyways. I didn’t particularly care. It’s not as if I’d be with the Cullen’s forever.

“You should get ready soon,” Alice said, breaking me out of my thoughts. She took a look at the clothes still in my hand and frowned. “We’ll have to get you some of your own clothes soon, especially if we’re leaving for Alaska in a couple of days.” I looked up at that.

“Wait, we’re actually going?” Alice drops the duffle bag on the bed next to me. “I thought you guys were just thinking about it.”

“Nope.” Alice pops. “We’re going alright. Esme and you are going for sure. Edward and I just need to straighten some things out at the high school and then we’ll be going with you!”

“Can’t we stay in Forks?” I ask sadly.

Alice looks up at form her rummaging through the bag. “No, I’m sorry Bella. But it’ll be too dangerous for you to stay in Forks. There’s always the possibility that someone may stumble across you and know that you’re alive.” I knew she was right, but I was still stubbornly trying to get out of it. I hated Forks when I moved here, but now I couldn’t think of ever leaving.

Alice got my attention. “I brought you some things from your house, that first night.” Her face turns downward. “Why don’t you look through it and get ready? You can let me know if you want something else - a favorite book, clothes, anything. I saw that your mom finished going through the house already, so I can go pick something up for you if it’s still there.” I make a face at that. I wasn’t sure if I wanted Alice going through my things, but she’d already been there once, and it’s not as if the others would let me wander back to Charlie’s house by myself.

I looked through the duffle bag, noting that Alice had already gotten my favorite sweater - an old dusty pink knitted sweater Renee had actually managed to stitch one year -, a small ceramic Swan I had kept on my nightstand, a couple of other little knick-knacks, and a framed photo of Charlie and me. I looked at the photo, lightly touching it. I didn’t touch it as delicately as I thought however, because the glass frame cracked from where I put my finger. I made a small ‘oh’, and Alice gingerly picked it out my hands, smiling sadly.

“We can fix that.” She whispered, putting the frame on the nightstand next to the bed. I nodded, and stood up, trying not to let her see how it affected me. I couldn’t even touch a photo frame without breaking it.

“Um, Alice?” I ask quietly. Alice nods, encouraging me to speak. “Would you really go and get some stuff for me?” She smiles, nodding. I detail the things I want, letting her know where it would be. I didn’t particularly remember much of what was in my room but seeing the things Alice had brought me reminded me of some of the treasured items I had buried away.

I stand, stretching my sore legs. I walk into the nice guest bathroom, still blown away at how beautiful it was. I’d been with the Cullen’s for a few days now, and I was still taken aback at how magnificent they had made their home. I catch my reflection in the large mirror above the sink and recoil. I still wasn’t used to myself.

The girl I used to be was gone – shattered from the winds of a new life. I was paler than I used to be, my skin translucent ivory underneath the fluorescence of the lights above. I held my arms out, and I could see the blue of my veins underneath throbbing with blood that wasn’t my own. I cautiously looked back to the mirror, scared of my intense red eyes. I leaned over the sink, trying to look within. The fibers within the iris of my eye were crosslinked with one another, and the red wasn’t as intense when looked at so closely. I wondered when my eyes would turn gold. I stood back then. My long brown hair had a sleek shine to it, looking healthier and thicker than I’d ever kept it. My figure was slim, but my… _assets_ had become more noticeable. I had no blemishes. No scars, barring the crescent-shaped one on the side of my neck. I had full, pink lips. If you looked past the red, my eyes were doe shaped and framed by long lashes.

Simply put, I was beautiful.

I scowled, watching my now beautiful face turn sour in the mirror. The beauty felt hollow. What was the point of being so beautiful if all it could do was lure in innocents? It’s not as if I could enjoy it. It only served as a reminder that I was now some monster – a tale parents would tell their children to scare them. I was some awful succubus. I almost preferred the plain appearance I used to have. I opened my mouth slightly, poking at my teeth. My canines had grown sharper. They weren’t stereotypical like Dracula’s elongated fangs. Mine still had the natural shape it was when I was human, but they had a significant point to them now. I touched the tip and pulled back when I felt how sharp it was. I was nervous to go out today. My teeth could slice through frozen butter, and I was expected to drink from a live animal?

A knock on the bathroom door had turned my head. “You finished in there Bella?” Alice called. “The boys are waiting for you.”

I managed not to get sucked into my appearance again as I changed my filthy clothes. I carefully folded Edward’s sweater, taking care not to dirty it any more than I had. I’d barely taken it off since he’d offered it to me, and I felt reluctant to take it off for some reason. Still, I had a feeling today would be messy, so I patted the sweater awkwardly and removed the rest of my old clothing. Once I was changed, I opened the door to find Alice there, sitting on the bed. She took the old clothes I had and exchanged it for a clean pair of socks. I pulled on the sneakers, stretching my toes in Rosalie’s old sneakers. They were pretty beat up, and I wondered how often she would wear these. She didn’t seem like the type to wear sneakers; I think I recall her only wearing flats and heels to school.

Alice patted my back, standing up with me as I exhaled. “Go get em’, tiger.” She said encouragingly.

“There are no tigers in Washington; she’ll have to get a cougar.” Emmett joked from the first floor, and I chuckled nervously. Alice laughed, shaking her head at her brother’s joke and murmuring how that was too easy. She walked me downstairs, and when I saw everyone gathered by the front door, I gulped.

Edward was dressed casually, wearing jeans and a long sleeve shirt. His eyes looked me up and down before turning away. Embarrassment filled me, and I looked away from him, annoyed. Jasper and Carlisle were dressed similarly to Edward. Only Emmett was missing. As if answering my silent question, Jasper smiled at me.

“Emmett’s driving today.”

“If you can sit through his driving, you can hunt no problem.” Alice teased, and the rest of the family chuckled except for Rosalie. Alice shrugged, taking my hand and pulling me further down the stairs. The roar of an engine outside caught my attention, and I could see a Jeep pull up through the small window on the front door. Carlisle walked over to it, pulling the door open, and I saw Emmett leaning against his car, eyes closed. His golden eyes opened at the sound of the door, and he grinned at my fearful expression. I walked out carefully, sandwiched between Alice and Jasper, and I wanted to hide.

I looked around and inwardly gasped at the expanse of the Cullen’s house. I’d been cooped up inside the entire time since I’d woken up, and I was in an entirely new world. Everything was brighter – the rising sun glowed orange and red from beyond the horizon, and the green of my surroundings was so… _rich._ I wanted to lie down and sink my fingers into the soft grass and feel every single dewdrop. The wind hit my face, carrying the sweet scent of roses and honeysuckle. It smelled so clean. The house was a modern masterpiece, and I walked over to the sidewall. My eyes widened when I saw that the left side of the house was completely made of glass and that you could see into every room on that side. At the third floor, I saw a black couch sitting against the glass, and an entire wall filled with music. I whistled, thoroughly impressed. The Cullen’s didn’t half-ass a single thing.

Emmett clapped his hands together loudly, rubbing them together. “Let’s get this show on the road kiddos.” I walked back near the car, nervous again. I looked towards Alice, who had her arm linked with Esme’s, and they both smiled encouragingly at me. ‘You can do it’ Alice mouthed to me, giving me an enthusiastic thumbs up. Rosalie looks at me with something like pity.

“Good luck,” She murmurs softly, and I blink.

“Thank you,” I whisper.

I wave slightly at them, turning to the Jeep. Emmett kept his Jeep Wrangler in perfect condition, and it was nearly spotless. Carlisle climbed into the passenger seat, while Jasper got in the back. Emmett held the door open for me, bowing like a gentleman. I thanked him quietly and subsequently struggled to get in. Emmett’s laugh boomed as he helped me in.

“You have superhuman strength and can’t get into the car? Oh, we’re going to have lots of fun together.” Emmett grinned, his sharp teeth gleaming. I glared at him as I scooted next to Jasper.

“’S not my fault I’m shorter than you,” I mutter, crossing my arms in front of my stomach. Emmett laughed loudly, shaking his head. He turned to Edward, bowing and snickering.

“Do you need help up as well, my lady?” Emmett teasingly asked Edward.

Edward hissed. “Bite me.”

“Boys,” Carlisle warned.

Edward made a face at his brother, who was still snickering, and muttered a ‘sorry’. Edward climbed in next to me, and it was then I realized how close we were sitting together. His body was flushed right next to mine, and he towered above me as I glanced upwards to him slyly. His large hand accidentally rested on top of mine, and we both pulled away quickly. I tried to scoot over so he could have some room, but I bumped into Jasper. Jasper grinned at me, feeling my embarrassment at the situation. I looked to the front, trying to swallow my nerves as Edward had to scoot beside me more so the door could close properly. Our arms were on top of each other, and I tried to keep my hands in my lap. The atmosphere in the Jeep was tense, but whether it was from my nerves of the upcoming hunt, me being practically in Edward’s lap, or Jasper toying with my emotions, I wasn’t so sure. Emmett jumped into the driver’s seat, rocking the car. Everyone groaned.

“Jesus,” Jasper muttered, grabbing onto the handle above the door. Emmett turned back towards us, grinning.

“What’s a matter kid?” He asked me, smiling. “You look pretty pale for a vampire.” He raised an eyebrow at me knowingly.

“Just nerves I guess.” I stammer. I didn’t want him to know I was embarrassed to be so close to Edward. Emmett seemed like he would never let me forget it. Emmett smiles slyly, putting the car into drive, starting us on our journey.

Emmett was a speeder, going well over eighty miles per hour on the interstate. I almost felt sick, and the itch in my throat wasn’t helping me. Jasper started looking a little paler a little while after I was. He must have been feeling my side effects from the drive. Otherwise the speed, it was a mostly quiet drive. Emmett was humming along to a Radiohead album, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he’d make sharp turns. Edward looked out the window for most of the drive, ignoring our close proximity. I made a face at that. He was still acting like I didn’t exist. Emmett made a particularly sharp turn off an exit ramp that had me jump from the seat slightly, and I smashed into Edward’s arm. Immediately, his other arm came to steady me from my front.

“Are you alright?” His velvet voice whispered, and I nodded, not willing to look him in the eye. We disentangled from one another quickly, going back to our original positions and Emmett looked into the rearview mirror, raising an eyebrow at his brother. Edward growled lowly, and I wondered what he was thinking at that moment.

Emmett finally pulled into a clearing after miles of driving through the endless forest. He turned off the car, pulling out his decorated keys and shoving them in his pockets. Edward threw open the back door, practically flying out. I couldn’t help but feel hurt. Was he really so disgusted with me? We weren’t so different now. I tried not to feel bad, but the way Edward was acting towards me still stung.

I climbed out after him, taking care not to fall from the height of the seat. Carlisle offered me a hand, and I took it gratefully, landing with some dignity. Emmett grinned at me as he sped past us, jogging in place.

“So what do you want to try first? Our finest selection includes grizzlies, mountain lions, wolves, elk, deer, the occasional moose, and a personal hatred, beavers.” Emmett said proudly. Jasper gagged at the mention of beaver, shaking his blonde hair. I grimace at all the options.

“Could I have something small?” I ask.

“How small?” Emmett narrows his eyes at me, trying to gauge my answer. I shrug.

“I don’t know, a squirrel?”

“Whoa whoa whoa. No squirrels. This is not a squirrel family.” Emmett refuses immediately. My temper flares.

“What’s wrong with squirrels?” I ask.

“What’s – what’s wrong with _squirrels?_ ” Emmett asks incredulously. His large figure looms over me as he walks closer to where I stand. “Dearest Bella, what _isn’t_ wrong with squirrels? Jasper, please make her understand.” Emmett pleads. Jasper laughs lightly. He turns to me.

“They’re not filling Bella. You’d have to drink from at least a hundred of them to be somewhat full. Maybe something bigger?” He suggests.

I shrug my shoulders, getting frustrated with this already. “God, I don’t know. A rabbit?” I fume. Jasper shrugs with indifference, but Emmett groans at my suggestion.

“Bella, don’t be afraid to think a little bigger.”

“I really don’t want to drink _anything._ ” I fume. Emmett gives me a pointed look, and a calm envelopes me. I relax, but I glare at Jasper anyways. Edward comes and stands behind me, and his close proximity to me sends shivers down my spine.

“If she wants a rabbit, let her have a rabbit. We can try to see if there are any hares in the area since those are a little bigger.” He murmurs. I look back at his lanky frame, and he meets my gaze. He gives me a small smile. I turn towards the others, shocked.

Since when did he get so friendly?

What awful universe had I been sucked into? “Can we please just get this over with?” I mumble.

“Fine. You can have your hare.” Emmett whines. “But we are taking down a bear by the end of the day!” He jogs into the woods, and Jasper follows him, leaving me with Carlisle and Edward. Edward strides past me, following his brothers. Carlisle motions for me to follow, and I start my journey.

“Don’t mind Emmett.” Carlisle laughs slightly. “He’s just excited. This area was reported to have an overpopulation of grizzly bears recently, and he’s been itching to level the predator-prey population scale.”

“Right,” I say, walking quickly. We’re already deep into the woods due to our unnatural speed, and the smell of wildlife was already making my mouth pool with the sticky substance in my mouth. Pine wafted underneath my nose. It smelled like Charlie’s cologne that he’d wear to an event, and my mood dropped further. “So are you guys always this environmentally responsible?”

“Not always,” Emmett replies from where he is. “We’re terrible recyclers.” Jasper chuckles, high fiving Emmett.

Suddenly I stop, gasping. I bend over, trying not to show them that I’m clawing at my neck. Carlisle bends down, trying to see what’s wrong. My throat was on fire, and the scent of the outside world was starting to hit me like a wrecking ball. Edward crouches in front of me, his deep golden eyes concerned. “Bella, you have to breathe.” He murmurs.

I shake my head fervently, bringing the neck of Esme’s sweater to my mouth and nose, exposing a small bit of my stomach. If I could just hold off the smell, I could make it through this. My mouth is overflowing with venom now, and I struggle to swallow it all back. My instincts were whispering to me: _let go, let go of all of it. Give into your new self_. I close my eyes, considering it. The scent was so powerful now. A whiff of pine needles and wood smoke, and the thump-thump of a heartbeat had me salivating. The dark, insidious part of me wondered what it would taste like.

“Do you smell that Edward?” Carlisle murmurs, a dark look in his eyes. Edward turns, sniffing the air in front of us slightly, and curses. I start moving then, stumbling towards the fragrance like a woman spellbound. Edward grabs my hand forcefully, but I use my strength and send him stumbling behind me into Carlisle. I start walking, and then I run as my name is called behind me.

I could only think about how sweet the blood would be running down my throat.

* * *

** EDWARD **

When we first arrived in Forks, there had been a day where I wasn’t careful and ran a little too fast to Emmett’s jeep. The track coach had seen me and subsequently pulled me aside to try and convince me to join the team. “A newfound school spirit!” and “Imagine the scholarships!” is what he pleaded me with. _If this was his jogging pace, imagine his sprint!_ is all that ran through the coach's head. It had taken a lot of begging on my part, and plenty of excuses such as I was too swamped with being a new student and personal issues that I wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure of being on the track team. Only after a phone call home to talk to Carlisle and Esme is when the coach gave up, but he still called us every semester. The rest of my siblings never let it go that I gave up on being a ‘star athlete’.

Even if I had been a star athlete, I felt as if I could never catch up to the former clumsy little Bella Swan.

The blur of the forest passes by me in various shades of green and brown. A hazy vision of long brown hair whipped back and forth in front of me, at least a mile or two ahead of me. My face was being scratched by the tree branches that I tried to duck but to no avail. It was good that I was the fastest runner in the family, but I was no match for a newborn. Jasper and Emmett were close behind me, and both of their thoughts mirrored mine. Carlisle trailed us in the back.

_Shit. Shit. SHIT._

_Didn’t Alice see this happening? Oh shit, if Bella rips this guy apart, I don’t think I could hold back either._

Bella took a sharp turn to the left as the wind blew her freesia scent towards my nose. I almost tripped on a mangled tree root as I was overtaken by the sweet fragrance lingering after her every step. From observing her as a human, she had a pattern that she used to walk to class. Left, right, left, right, right, left, right, angle foot towards the door, avoid Mike Newton, right, left, etc. She was incredibly predictable, as most humans were, but since I wasn’t able to hear her thoughts, I tried to look for her thinking in her body language. Her face had been expressive, yet at the same time, incalculable. Her movements at this very moment were unstable as well. I watched her delicate feet run in Rosalie’s destroyed sneakers, trying to watch for any wrong steps which I could use against her. Bella may have been stronger than us at the moment, but we were more experienced and rational. She started to take the lead more when I saw her right foot turn in towards her left, off stepping her balance. She would continue her off steps every few feet when I realized what I could do to end this. I thank whatever God may be that I had found a solution and started to pump my legs more as I was close to grabbing her. I began to lean forward into my leap when I saw Bella once again misstep and I pounced.

My arms outstretched, I grabbed her around her waist and knocked her to the ground, tumbling down a steep slope and landing us both between the rocks of a creek bed, the water instantly soaking us both. Bella struggles against my grip, trying to overthrow me but I keep her wrists pinned in the water above her head. If it wasn’t for the creek right now, I’d have already lost. I try not to look at her abdomen, shown by her now soaked sweater. Instead, I concentrate on water rushing all around her head, her hair floating all over. We were both covered in mud, half of her face colored murky brown. Her meek gaze might have suggested regret. I feel a small fish nibbling on my shoe, but I can’t be distracted at this moment. Jasper and Emmett finally reach me, and I look back towards them.

My first mistake.

Bella notices this and manages to unpin herself from my wrists, and overthrows me in the shallow water. I feel small, soft hands grip my throat and pull my head underwater, as I start to expel bubbles all around me. I can’t drown, but what had surprised me is that Bella Swan was trying her damn hardest to kill me anyway. I fight back, breaking my head against the surface of the water, only for it to be pushed back down again and forced to swallow dirty creek water. I gag, ready to vomit underwater when I feel the pressure on the back of my neck lift and I break the surface, gasping. I turn around swiftly and my chest was heavy with liquid. I try my best to dislodge any water stuck, and I see that Emmett has completely overtaken Bella, with Jasper standing to the side, concentrating on calming her bloodlust. Carlisle makes his way down the slope and restrains Bella’s legs. There was wildness to her movements; a ferocity that I didn’t think was possible for Bella’s quiet demeanor. I stood up slowly, wincing as I shook the water out of my ear, and trudged through the creek over to them. I felt ill from the water I inhaled. Bella noticed me right away and gave me the nastiest glare she could muster. Unfortunately for her, I was not at all affected. Her current ferociousness may not have given it away, but Bella’s anger was equivalent to a temperamental kitten.

After a few more moments, Bella had finally stopped her thrashing and settled down sadly in Emmett’s arms. Emmett looked clearly relieved at her calming down and shakes his head back and forth. His strong arms tremble for a quarter of a second, giving a nod to Carlisle before they both gently place Bella on the ground. Bella sank to the ground in between the two, despair and desire mixing on her face.

“….What have I become?” She whispered softly, hiding her face.

I walked over to her but Jasper had already crouched down to her. For reasons unknown, my envy went through the roof. The desire to comfort her had come out of nowhere and left me astonished. Why did I feel the need to comfort this girl? Even when she was walked into class upset, I felt an incessant need to ask what was wrong. I didn’t feel this when Rosalie had turned, or Esme, or Emmett. I’d felt nothing, and watched the struggle as a concerned stranger.

So what was I feeling right now?

“We all have these moments. The thirst we have is incredibly hard to control, especially as a newborn.” Jasper said softly.

“Will it always be this hard?”

“…It gets better.”

Bella made no movement to get up. She breathed hard, her chest heaving, and small hairs moving away from her porcelain face. Jasper turned to me, a worried look in his eye. _We need to get something in her as soon as possible._ I nodded, looking around at my environment. The rush of the creek bed was loud, and I was soaked. I grumbled at the sensation. Since I was waterlogged now, I wouldn’t be as fast. I spotted a clueless hare hanging around a rotten tree trunk. The irony was a little too much for me as I stalked towards it. Managing to stay quiet, I snuck up quickly on the hare, snapping its neck in less than second. I carried the small creature to where the others were, and Bella looked up at the scent. She yelped, scooting backward from me.

“No.” She said, shaking her head. Her wide, red eyes were filled with fear. I had done the work, all she needed to do was drink.

“You _did_ say you wanted a rabbit.” Emmett points out.

“That’s before I realized how in over my head I was.”

“Bella,” Carlisle scolds. “You have to drink it. We can’t have another episode like this.” Bella cringed at his words, but her shoulders slumped in defeat. She actually looked like she might be sick. Carlisle glances at me. _She’s attracted to blood and yet averted by it. I don’t know what to think of it._ Jasper and I had bid Carlisle out of his reading last night to talk to him about Bella’s possible ability, and he was most intrigued. He tried to think of an instance where he might have heard about something like this, but he came up with nothing. He quickly agreed to come along with us today and observe, but it seemed he was just as lost as the rest of us. I handed her the limp hare, and she squirmed at the dead animal in her hands.

“How do I…” She started. I crouched beside Jasper, motioning for her to give the animal back.

“Like this.” I murmur, and I expose the hare’s neck to her, showing her where a good spot would be. The animal was still warm in my hands. I leaned in to show her, and she hesitantly met me halfway, peering at the hare. We were so close we might have touched foreheads. I bring the animal to my lips and bare my teeth, sinking them into the butter-soft flesh of the hare, finding the jugular. I could feel Bella’s intense stare on me, and I suck gently, getting a quick taste of blood. I remove my mouth quickly, not wanting to accidentally down Bella’s meal. I motion for her to take the hare, and she glances at me just as I’m licking the blood off my lips. She stares at them for a moment, before taking the hare in her hands. She wraps her hands around mine, and her cool touch was soft. I remove one of my hands, holding down the fur around the site I had already taken a bite out of so she could have easy access. She brings her pink lips to the animal’s neck and hesitates. “You can do it.” I breathe, and she meets my steady gaze one last time before she sinks her teeth in. Jasper emits a wave of relief to all of us, and his tension must be smoothing over Bella’s bloodthirst. Bella started to greedily suck at the hare’s neck, dripping blood from her mouth. My jaw clenches at the site, and Emmett looks at me strangely from where he’s standing with Carlisle.

_Edward._

I meet his gaze, wondering why he’s calling my name.

_That was kind of erotic bro._ I growl at his suggestion that my lesson in bloodsucking might have meant something more, especially _that_. Bella looks up at me in fear, her mouth still at the creature’s neck. I give her a pained smile.

“Just thirsty.” I lie smoothly, and she nods before turning her attention back to the animal. I notice that her hand is still on top of mine, clutching at it in earnest. Unconsciously, I grab on tighter to the animal. Bella finishes drinking, and removes her blood-stained mouth, swallowing hard. Blood stains her mouth and chin, and a droplet of blood drips down her neck. She removes it quickly enough and looks at the drop of blood. Emmett is thinking hard about how he’d like to try my ‘little move’ as he calls it on Rosalie as a way to bond, and I roll my eyes hard. Carlisle crouches down on the other side of Bella, resting a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” He asks soothingly.

“Alright, I guess.” She responds.

“We should get something else in you,” Jasper says, looking around the creek. The creek was a good water source for most animals in the area, but we hadn’t heard anything recently. It might have been due to mine and Bella’s clash earlier. Bella looks pleadingly at all of us.

“I have to drink more?”

We all nod. “That won’t be enough to hold you over. You’ll need something more substantial.” Jasper says, and I know he’s struggling with his thirst as well right now. Once Bella was gone, he would get a chance to breathe and recuperate before moving back into a lion’s den of emotions.

“We can try hunting a deer,” Carlisle suggests. “You liked that well enough, right?” His low voice asks her.

Bella makes a noise of agreement and stands up then. She swallows painfully, placing a delicate hand on the base of her throat. We make our way up the steep slope. Emmett and Jasper led the front, with Bella and Carlisle in the middle. I brought up the rear, keeping a lookout for any stray animals or humans. Bella was being careful with her movements, looking at the ground so she wouldn’t trip over any twigs or fallen branches. I felt my lips quirk into a smile before I could stop myself. Bella didn’t seem to notice that her gait had become more graceful since she was turned and was still preoccupied with not tripping over air.

Emmett stops suddenly, and Bella walks straight into him. He turns, smirking at the girl who was a foot shorter than him. Bella takes a step back from him, careful not to run into me. Emmett laughs.

“We won’t bite Bella.”

“I have it on good authority that you do,” Bella responds, narrowing her eyes. Emmett chuckles and Bella brings her hand up to her neck, feeling the scar left behind by her sire. My eyes narrow, taking in the silver scar.

“Well, I smell a deer.” Jasper changes the subject, becoming antsy.

“I smelled an elk herd nearby. We can find the loner and drive them off.” Emmett says. He’s bouncing on his toes, becoming more excited by the minute. We hadn’t had a substantial meal in a few weeks, and we had been restraining ourselves from drinking Bella’s IV stash. Only Jasper was allowed to partake in the stash since he would have a harder time feeling Bella’s thirst.

“So what’ll it be?”

“I guess…deer?” Bella says timidly. 

“Deer it is then.”

While Bella was more graceful than she used to be, she didn’t know how to be quiet. Her feet stomped the Earth, creating vibrations felt throughout the forest. For an hour, we struggled to sneak up on anything. Jasper and Emmett eventually took her by the arms and showed her how to walk quietly, like a shadow flying in the night. It was mid-morning by the time she had gotten it down, and the last of the dewy morning light had vanished into the dark clouds gathering. The snow from the other day littered the ground, fallen trees awash with the white substance. A twig breaks in the distance, and I turn quickly, straining my ears to find the location. I zeroed in on the sound, coming from the west about a quarter of a mile. I take the lead, striding past my brothers and Bella. “This way.”

They follow me silently; the only sound the wet crunch of rotten leaves underneath Bella’s feet. We made good time, arriving at the source of the noise. Two deer, one buck and one doe side by side, feeding off the ground. The doe looked up, her black snout sniffing the air in search of the predators surrounding her and her mate. Her sleek silver-brown coat shined even in the dark gray of the day, and her lithe body gleamed with power. The buck looked around suspiciously, his velvet antlers rising into the air like a crown and stomped the ground with his front right hoof, realizing there was danger afoot.

“They’re beautiful,” Bella whispered. I turned to look at her, but she paid no attention to me. Her full lips were parted slightly, and she seemed in awe of the scene in front of her. She took a deep breath, her lungs taking in the cold mountain air of northwestern Washington.

“I…I don’t think I can do this.” She breathed, and defeat showed on her face. Her resolve seemed to break. “I…” She started to choke. Jasper took a steady look at her and glanced towards me. _Her throat is on fire right now._ He warned. I shot a worried look at Bella only to see her shaking. She bit down on her lip as the sobs started to escape her mouth. “I can’t bring myself to kill another.” She cried hoarsely, sobs racking her small body.

Emmett looked down at Bella sadly, his eyes mourning. He felt guilty for pushing Bella earlier and was rethinking whether he should have teased her as much as he did this morning. _I knew she was struggling and I still made light of it._ He thought regretfully.

Carlisle covered his mouth, appraising Bella. He stole a glance at Jasper, who nodded once, confirming his thoughts. _It’s…remarkable. She’s struggling so much, and yet…_

Jasper sent a wave of peace towards Bella, and she seemed to physically calm, but her eyes still looked haunted. She took in a shaky breath, wrapping her arms around herself, trying to ignore the world around her. Emmett cleared his throat, a human trait he picked up, and spoke.

“I struggled too, you know.”

Bella stole a look at him and scoffed. “Yeah, right.” She sniffed.

Emmett laughed. “I’m serious. It takes time, and work, and patience. We’re willing to give you that Bella. We won’t berate you.” He said kindly, and Carlisle smiled at his son proudly. I managed to smile as well, though I hid it better than Carlisle did. Emmett Cullen imparting words of wisdom – next thing you know pigs would be flying.

Emmett’s words seemed to help Bella somewhat. Her spine stood taller, and some resolve seemed to return to her, even though the nerves still showed on her innocent face. I stood aside, letting her walk past me. The deer were both anxious now but frozen with fear. They knew something sinister was coming. I wouldn’t call Bella sinister though, looking at her now. The vulnerability that she demonstrated, exemplified her innocence. She looked at the deer in front of her and cried for their souls.

I felt shame overtake my body. Was it wrong of me to allow her to become a vampire? She didn’t belong in this world at all, this dark forever night. Should I have given into my dark side that night, and put her out of her misery? I almost trembled with the thought of her blood – her _life force_ – inside of me, and I knew the right call had been made. I couldn’t have lived with myself if I had, and to have known that I had taken a spirit that was as beautiful as hers.

Her figure stood less than twenty feet away from the deer, concealed by the growing bushes. She started to walk, her feet moving but stopped all of a sudden. She turned back to look at me, and the fear in her eye was indescribable. Our eyes locked, and I was caught in the most intense staring match I’d ever been in. _What are you asking of me? What do you need from me?_ I thought. Finally, I gave her a firm nod. She stared at me with those haunted eyes, her lips pressing together before firmly nodding back. She turned towards the deer again, her red eyes zeroing in on the buck. She looked sympathetically at the doe, and I knew she was planning on sparing her. She seemed stuck on the doe’s belly, and I peered over, realizing why Bella had been so hesitant.

The doe was pregnant.

In my own thirst, I never gave a second glance to the doe, just happy we were able to find something for Bella to drink. I couldn’t help but feel proud of Bella. She might be taking a life, but she was saving one as well. I thought back to my experience with the mountain lion and her cub the other day. We had both saved a mother, and a child indirectly. I felt a tug of connection towards our common experience. We were damned, but we still managed to spare life when we could, didn’t we?

Bella leaped through the air then, soaring past the bushes and landing on the buck. The doe screamed, leaping across the landscape to safety as Bella was caught in a fight with the buck. Bella pushed on the antlers of the buck, trying to keep it from rushing her. The buck was agitated and twisted its powerful body to fight her.

“She’s not using her full strength,” Jasper murmured, stroking his chin as he watched.

“I wonder if she’s even aware of how powerful she really is,” Carlisle said.

“We should help her,” Emmett muttered, making a move towards the fight. I stopped him with a wave of my arm, and he looked at me incredulously. I glare at him.

“She’s capable of doing it.” I defended.

I look back towards the fight, and Bella had successfully wrestled the buck to the ground. The buck still fights against her, kicking her. Bella manages to hold on, but in the confusion she roughly slams her arms on the buck’s back, causing it to wail loudly in distress before falling limp. The eyes were still rotating in the buck’s eye socket, and I close my eyes in defeat. Emmett curses inwardly, and Bella sits up slowly, confused on how the fight ended so quickly. A flock of ravens burst from the trees, cawing at the commotion.

“That’s rough,” Jasper said under his breath.

“What-what happened?” Bella asked, checking the buck’s heartbeat. She yanked her hand back when she realized the buck was still alive and breathing. “What have I done?” She breathed in. I walked over to her slowly, kneeling on my knees beside her, not caring if my clothes became wet and muddy.

“You caused a spinal cord injury.” I murmur, and Bella gasps, regret forming in her eyes. She was genuinely hurt by what she had done. I gather her cold hands in mine, and I feel her trembles. I bring her hands over to the neck of the buck, placing one hand on each side. My hands still cover hers, and in a split second, we snap the neck, putting the buck out of its misery. Bella recoils, pulling her hands from me in horror and falls on her behind. She was covered in mud and leaves and blood, and a streak of mud-covered her cheek. Her wet hair had dried awkwardly, becoming stiff with the cold. “You should drink.” I murmur.

Bella hides her face from me. “I can’t.” She says in a small voice.

“You can. If you don’t want the rest of them to watch, they won’t.” She looks up at that.

“Really?”

“Yes,” I say genuinely. I turn towards the others expectantly. Jasper and Emmett looked at each other before shrugging. They turn around, crossing both of their arms across their chests. Carlisle gazes at me still, however, and I falter. Did I presume too much? Carlisle shakes his head, giving me a small smile before turning around as well. I breathed an internal sigh of relief. Bella visibly relaxes, a bit too much for me to think it was all her. I motion towards the buck, telling her silently to start drinking. She looks at me shyly, and then motions for me to sit beside her. I hesitate before accommodating her request, resting on my haunches as Bella sites behind the buck. She looks down at her lap, squeezing her fingers.

“Are you ready?” I ask quietly in my low voice.

“No.” She shakes her head. “But I suppose I have to be, don’t I?”

I said nothing. I so desperately wished I could hear what she was thinking. She was simultaneously an open book and a shut one. Did she imagine herself to be a monster, a demon of some kind right now? I sincerely hoped she didn’t. She leans her mouth down to the neck, carefully parting the sleek coat and sinking her teeth into the flesh. She started to suck gently and then became greedier in her thirst. Bella gulped the warm blood down as she shook with emotion. The scent of deer blood filled the air and combined with Bella’s natural scent it overwhelmed me.

All was silent except for robins chirping in their nests as Bella finished her first meal.


	8. Shadows in the Snow

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

I had been sitting in the back of Edward’s Volvo for four hours, and the atmosphere was still tense and awkward. We’d said our goodbyes to Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie and started on the road to Alaska before the sun rose. Well, the others had their goodbye. I waved slightly before I got into the car, feeling guilty that I was tearing the family up. Alice had grabbed my hand before we left and convinced me to ride with her and Edward, even though I had been leaning towards riding with Esme and Carlisle so I could avoid this very awkward situation I was currently in.

Edward was a fast driver. A _very_ fast driver. I was very surprised when Edward pressed the gas pedal hard once we were safely on the highway when we left Forks. I snuck a peek at the speedometer now and gasped when I saw the car was cruising at a casual one hundred miles per hour. Alice giggled at my shocked expression from the passenger seat, and Edward caught my face in his rearview mirror. I’m sure I looked foolish, grabbing onto the seats with a scared expression. I saw him smirk, and he pressed the gas a little harder. _Jerk._

“It’s been a few hours Bella, don’t you trust our driving skills?” Alice teased.

I scowled. “We could just about crash into anything at the speed we’re going.”

“Oh please,” Alice scoffed. She tapped a finger to her temple. “I see the future, remember?”

“How could I ever forget?” I mutter.

I was missing my big lug of a truck that Charlie had gifted me when I moved to Forks. The stalling, the smelly engine and the fact that I couldn’t go above a speed limit of fifty. I frowned, wondering what would happen to it now. I wasn’t sure what would happen to a lot of our old possessions. I didn’t even know if Charlie had a will or not. It was yet another thing Renee had to take on her delicate shoulders.

I looked at the duffle bag beside me on the seat, grateful that Alice had been able to swing by my house before we left and grab some keepsakes and a few more clothes for me. Apparently, she had just arrived after Renee left, and mom only took a few things from the house. It was possible she was going to have everything put into storage. I rummage through the bag, shuffling through a few things to find what I wanted. I had found it – an old photo of me when I was five, and my parents standing awkwardly behind me at the airport. I gave the camera a toothy grin, and my upper right tooth was missing. Renee had flown with me to Forks to drop me off for the summer, and an air hostess asked if we wanted a picture of our reunion. Charlie’s mustache was thick and long, and he was still dressed in his uniform that day as he gave a timid, tightlipped smile. Renee still had long brown hair at that time, and my desire to have long hair stemmed from watching her all those years ago. They both had a hand on my shoulders, and the air hostess laughed as I gave her a cheesy grin. A smile twitched on my lips as I brushed my hand very gently against the glossy texture of the photo. I was so thankful Alice had been able to find it. A reminder of when things were so simple.

I felt Alice’s eyes on me, and I turned to find her staring at the photo. She looked at me and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. That’s a really cute photo of you all.”

“Yeah, I guess.” I murmured, looking back at it.

“Can I see it?” Alice asked, and I raised an eyebrow, handing the photo to her carefully. Her small pale fingers grabbed onto it delicately, and she stared at the photo. “You look so much like your mother.” She whispered longingly. “But there’s a lot of your father in you as well. You have his eyes. And you were so adorable!” She brightened. She held up the photo for Edward to see, tapping at my small face. “Look how sweet Bella looked, Edward.” Edward spared a glance to look at the photo from his driving, peering at it for a moment before turning back, nodding. Alice gives him a knowing look and hands me the photo, smiling. I narrow my eyes at her suspicious nature before shrugging. What was it to me anyway?

“So…” Alice started, trying to ease the awkwardness. I rested my chin on my hand and looked out at the blurry green landscape of Washington as it passed me by. I once read that from Seattle to Anchorage it could be a few days depending on the weather, but I had a sinking suspicion we could get there in two days. I looked back at Carlisle and Esme, and they were keeping up with Edward’s speed. I groaned internally. I didn’t understand their obsession with everything being as fast as possible. I wish I could have kept ‘human’ speed as they called it. Alice clears her throat, and I turn back to her expectant face. “Well?” She raises a thin eyebrow.

“Uh, well what?” I ask. Alice rolls her eyes at my inattention.

“Well, how was your hunting trip? I never got to ask.”

Edward met my gaze then through his rearview mirror, and I swallowed hard, trying to bite down the nasty itch at my throat. I was starting to get used to the incessant burn. If I ignored it, it almost felt as if I was starting to get a cold. “Um, it was alright?” I said, and Alice’s laugh was breathy.

“Are you asking me?” She teased. She turned towards Edward. “How did it go?”

“You didn’t see it?” Edward murmured.

“Well I did,” Alice confessed. “But I wanted to hear about it from you as well.”

He shrugged, not meeting my gaze. “It was fine.” I knew he felt my stare on him, but he refused to look back, gripping the steering wheel tighter.

Edward had helped me greatly during my first ‘hunt’ two days ago, and I'm not sure I would have been able to get through it without his encouragement. The others helped as well, but Edward’s engagement in my struggle meant a great deal to me. I chalked it up due to the fact that he had been the only Cullen I'd really ever known and he was a familiarity in this strange, new world.

When Edward handed me that dead hare that morning and demonstrated how to drink, something deep stirred within me. I’d felt a nervous fluttering when his hands held mine. I was acutely aware that his hand was so close to my mouth when I put my lips to the hare’s neck. It felt…intimate. Something a lover would do unconsciously. In the mornings when Renee and Phil had first gotten married, they would share sips of coffee from the same mug, sharing shy smiles as they passed the cup to each other.

I was looking too far into it. Edward meant nothing more than showing me how to hunt, and how to drink properly. He most likely thought nothing of it and was most certainly not overthinking his actions like I was. I was only caught off guard by it, seeing as he ignored me for more than a month. It brought me back to the first time I met him. The memory of his dark black eyes as he glared at me that day in biology had terrified me, but I think I knew the answer now. It was possible he was just thirsty that day, and my close proximity to him meant he had to be extra careful. Some of the bitterness I held against him for that dissipated then. A lot of things he did made sense now looking back.

But I didn’t want to overthink it again.

“I broke a deer’s spinal cord.” I murmured, finally giving Alice a solid answer. She turned to me, a sorry look on her fairy-like face.

“Oh Bella, I’m sorry.” She said, reaching over to hold my hand. Her small, icy hand fit into mine and squeezed gently. “That’s not an easy thing to watch.” Her topaz eyes bore into mine. I made some noise of agreement, looking back out the window again.

“You handled it well.” Edward murmured, finally acknowledging me. Alice looked at us and frowned. She clearly didn’t approve of how depressing this conversation was becoming.

“Enough of that. Bella, what are your favorite movies?” She asked, her face brightening. I shrugged, and her face fell. “Edward?”

He grunted. Alice became annoyed. “Oh come on you two. I’m not sitting in a car filled with silence any longer! We’re going to have to get to know one another eventually.” When neither of us said anything, she huffed. “Fine, I’ll start. My favorites are _Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Pretty Woman, Casablanca, When Harry Met Sally_ and _The Princess Bride._ ” I laughed at the last one, shaking my head. Alice swiveled toward me.

“Something funny?” Alice asked.

“ _The Princess Bride_ is one of my favorites too. I’d watch it whenever I was feeling bad.” I smiled slightly, remembering the fond nights where Renee would hold me as we watched our favorite movie and quoted it endlessly. Alice smiled widely, glad that she had coaxed something out of me.

“We’ll have to have a movie night once we get to Alaska, then.” She declared. “What are your other favorites? Come on, I know you have a voice.” She poked at my knee, and I giggled, moving my leg out of her reach. “Come on…” She made a show of stretching her fingers, making a clawing motion. Edward looked at his sister through the corner of his eye, a smirk forming on his face.

“Alright, alright.” I murmured, thinking. “Um. I liked _Spirited Away,_ ” I listed, and Alice nodded, approving of my choices. “ _Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,_ the _Back to the Future_ movies, _Sense & Sensibility_ and _The Truman Show._ ”

“Edward likes _The Truman Show_ too.” Alice grinned, and Edward gave her a look. Alice ignored it, hitting his leg lightly. “Your turn.”

Edward sighed, and didn’t answer. Alice poked him again. “Let me think Alice.” He grumbled. He thought about his answer for a few minutes. Alice started to snore as a joke and he glared at her while she laughed. I hid a laugh as well. It was amusing to see them behave as siblings. They didn’t really interact much even when they sat together in the cafeteria.

“ _12 Angry Men_ is good.” He said thoughtfully. Alice groaned loudly.

“That was so _boring._ ”

“Good thing it’s not your favorite then.” Edward snarled. Alice ignored his tone, snapping her fingers.

“Ugh, why did I even ask you? Well come on then, list them off.” She retorted. Edward rolled his eyes again.

“ _Apocalypse Now,_ ” He stated

“Boring,” Alice interjected.

“ _Full Metal Jacket,_ ”

“God, what is it with you and Kubrick? Pick something else.”

“ _Memento._ ”

“ _Now_ we’re getting somewhere.”

“ _Amadeus,_ ” Edward gritted out, annoyed by his sister’s commentary.

“Good, but also boring.”

“I liked that one,” I said quietly. They both turned their heads, and Alice’s lips quirked into a smile.

“Really? So you like music?” She asked, conspiratorially.

“Who doesn’t like music?” I asked.

Edward snickered. Alice sighed, looking Edward in the eye. Edward turns serious, as he glares at his sister. I wondered what was going on until I realized they must be having a silent conversation in their heads. I leaned back in the seats, crossing my arms as I watched them bicker silently. Alice must have thought something that really got on Edward’s nerves as he looked moody again. I felt disappointed. I was actually starting to enjoy the conversation, mundane as it was. I actually felt privileged. How many people in Forks actually tried to get to know the Cullen’s? Hordes of people for sure. I knew a lot of students had been interested in them – romantically as well as generally, but the Cullen’s never let anyone get close to them. It must be a terribly lonely life.

I frowned. A lonely life that I would now live too.

While I’d never been a huge deal at school or had many friends, I was somewhat social. Not much. I had a couple of friends back in Phoenix who were sad to see me leave. Now I couldn’t go close to someone without wanting to rip their neck out. _Human,_ I thought bitterly. _You can’t get close to humans now._

We passed the next hour in silence. Alice was drumming her fingers on her legs to some of the music playing while Edward stared out at the empty road, speeding towards oblivion. I was becoming restless and fidgety. I wish we could have flown, but that was an option so far off the table it landed on the floor with a splat. I watched as the dark pine trees flew by us on the empty road, and soon we had crossed the border into British Columbia. It was only nine in the morning, and we had already made a third of the trip apparently. If Edward continued to drive as he did, we might reach Alaska by early nightfall. I didn’t want to think about the car service his poor Volvo must go through.

“What should we talk about?” Alice pondered.

“You can’t sit in silence?” Edward muttered, making a sharp left turn.

“Nope!” Alice said proudly. Edward scoffed, running a hand through his hair quickly. “Oh! I know!” Alice turns to me excitedly. “Bella, we have to get you new clothes!”

“What?” I asked.

“You don’t have anything left!” She cried. Alice was right. She had been unable to secure most of my clothes as Renee had them packed up and shipped to Goodwill, and I couldn’t borrow Esme’s clothing for the rest of my time with the Cullen’s.

“I guess you’re right,” I said.

“I usually am.” She said smugly. “We can look online once we get to the house. I have so many ideas.” She looked me up and down appraisingly. I looked down as well. I borrowed another pair of jeans from Esme, though they were slightly snug on me, and I wore Edward’s Dartmouth sweater yet again. I could have flushed. I wonder what he thought of me continually wearing his sweater over and over. I hadn’t even realized I wore it this morning after I showered and changed.

“You’d look good in blue…maybe green?” Alice muttered to herself, staring at the sweater I was wearing. She went stiff all of a sudden, and her eyes glazed.

“Um, Edward?” I said, starting to freak out. He looked at his sister with concern, his face contorted with worry. Alice snapped out of it and smiled to herself. She took another glance at me, her face radiating. Edward’s eyes narrowed at her.

“What did you see? How did you even make sense of that?” He murmured. My eyes widened. Had she had a vision?

“Holy shit,” I breathed. “You had a vision?”

Alice laughed at my naivety. “I did, young cricket. You’re learning.” She cooed.

I couldn’t help but be excited, and Alice giggled at my face. “What did you see?” I asked eagerly.

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out.” She teased. My face fell, sad that she wouldn’t tell me.

“Does it have something to do with me?” I ask, searching for a hint.

“Maybe,” She answered coyly.

“Oh come on,” I whined. “You’re always getting answers out of me.”

Alice chuckled. “One must look to the past before they look to the future.” She said, looking at Edward. She raised an eyebrow as he peered down at her in confusion. She raised her arm to remove a flyaway that had flown into her face. The charm bracelet with the single gold eye on it jingled, bouncing with her movements. Alice caught my staring at it. “Emmett and Rosalie bought it for me. They thought it’d be funny. I don’t think they realized how much I loved it when they gave it to me.”

“Did you all end up getting matching bracelets?” I joked. Alice shrugged.

“I tried to, but the boys thought that was too girly.” She said, rolling her eyes. “They wanted a family crest or something ‘manly’,” She mocked, making a face. She smiled, leaning her head on the seat as she talked with me. “We designed one, but we never got it made. We should do it soon though.” She mused, talking more to herself now.

“Why soon?” I asked.

She shook her head, keeping something from me. “No reason. It’d just be nice to.”

“Okay…” I trailed off. “You’re a little strange sometimes.” I blurted out and then covered my mouth immediately. Alice and Edward cackled in the front. Alice bent over as giggles overcame her, and Edward’s shoulders shook with laughter. While Alice’s laugh was high and dainty, Edward’s was low. He tried to focus on the road as he continued to laugh heartily.

“Sorry,” I said sheepishly, wishing the seats would swallow me whole.

“No harm done. I _am_ a little strange.” Alice winked, coming down from her high. Edward was still snickering, hiding his mouth.

“Still,” I muttered. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

Alice rolled her eyes, smirking. “Bella, it's fine. That’s not the worst thing we’ve ever been called. Thanks for the laugh though.”

“Anytime,” I muttered, and that seemed to set them off again. I crossed my arms, waiting for them to be with their cackles.

Once they had settled down, things had become quiet again in the car, though the awkwardness had dissipated. Edward had an easy smile on his face as he drove along. I never noticed that his smile was crooked, leading to a deep dimple on his right cheek. His nose was straight, with a pointed tip. I imagined he had a smattering of freckles across his face in another life. I found myself smiling and pinched my arm, bringing myself back to earth.

Things were already complicated enough.

* * *

We conversed genially on and off throughout the car ride, Alice regaling me with many of the shenanigans she’d get up to on a usual basis. I could have sworn I felt tears come out of my eyes when she angrily recalled losing a bet to Emmett and having to drink a skunk as the consequence. I snorted with laughter as she looked back at me angrily. “It wasn’t funny Bella! Rose wouldn’t let me come in her room for a month!” That only made me laugh harder. She shivered with disgust, gagging.

There had been no one on the road today, so we eventually crossed into Yukon territory quickly, bypassing the interstates leading to Whitehorse. We stopped a few times to refill on gas. Edward was slick and managed to pull out an IV bag from the trunk for me while he refilled his gas tank as I was starting to feel the nasty burn again being so close to humankind. I downed the bag quickly as the thirst was starting to get to me. Alice had Edward pull over in an isolated area and wordlessly handed another bag to me. I snatched it greedily. Carlisle and Esme pulled over as well, and I felt all their eyes on my back as I sipped at the thick substance like it was a Capri-Sun packet.

Edward got out of the car, walking to Carlisle and leaving me with Alice. Carlisle, Edward, and Esme murmured lowly among themselves. I tried to focus on what they were saying but after straining too much and almost spilling blood on Edward’s sweater, I decided it was best to just stay focused on one task. I frowned at the IV bag. It was the length of my forearm, and I had only managed to drink a quarter of it. I swallowed hard, forcing the viscous liquid down my throat. I was already starting to feel gorged on blood. I breathed in and out, closing my eyes as I brought the bag up to my lips again and forced myself to drink.

Ever since the hunt, I’d felt extremely guilty for doubting the Cullen’s. I truly believed that I could hold off on drinking blood, but as soon as I had the slightest whiff of a human, I lost my mind. I was upset that I had lost my perspective and just ran off. Soon, my thoughts wandered to the poor buck I had essentially butchered. If Edward hadn’t stepped in and put the animal out of its misery, I would have just watched the poor thing twitch in pain.

At least since then, no one could say I hadn’t been complying with them, no matter how uncomfortable I felt. After my debacle that morning, we took it slow. Eventually, we had come across an old grizzly bear. It seemed sick and malnourished, and Emmett wasn’t exactly happy about the choice, but he brought it down anyways. Apparently, sick blood tastes marginally different than healthy blood does. He offered me a taste, and my thirst didn’t allow me to say no.

Edward got back into the car, slamming the door shut and snapping me out of my thoughts. “We should have another five hours left. Maybe four if I can push the limit.”

“Alice?” Edward murmurs, the concern in his voice. What’s going on?”

Alice sat rigidly in the passenger seat, and I leaned in front trying to see what was wrong. Her palms were fists in her lap and her lips moved slightly. I glanced toward Edward, but he doesn’t look at me. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his Adam’s apple bobbed with tension as he swallowed.

“Another vision,” He explains.

“What did she see?” I ask timidly. The mood had become extremely dark.

Alice comes out of her haze, eyes alert. She turns to Edward, alarmed.

He nodded, flipping his phone open and calling someone. He turned the engine on quickly and flew out of the parking lot and onto the road. Alice’s phone rang and she picked it up immediately.

“Carlisle we had to get out of there immediately. You can be discreet or follow us, either will turn out fine.”

Edward pushed on the gas, clenching his jaw tightly. He took a sharp right down the road, making his way through a maze of narrow roads. Carlisle’s Mercedes was following close behind as I peered behind me. I glanced back in front of me, Alice murmuring to Edward which roads to take. Her usual chipper face was serious and cold, making commands left and right. The blood in the IV bag in my hands sloshed around; it was a miracle I hadn’t spilled it everywhere in Edward’s pristine interior.

I took another long sip from the bag instinctually. I would have to force myself to get used to it. I met Alice’s golden eyes as she stared at me from the front.

“Let me know if you need another bag.”

“Alice, what happened?” I asked quietly. “Why did we leave in such a hurry?” I knew what the answer was when I saw Alice’s face.

“A human,” is all she said.

Of course.

* * *

It had taken Edward another hour to get back onto the main road and back to the journey at hand. When we were done fleeing from an unseen force, we had stopped in a secluded forest for half an hour as Alice searched for any obstacles. I had finished my bag and quietly asked for another. Alice smiled brightly, pleased with my progress and obliging me with another full bag. She remarked that I’d be up and hunting in no time.

We were close to reaching the house now it seemed. The dark, tall pines slowly turned into sparse trees and vegetation, and the ground was covered in snow. An old sign welcoming us to Alaska looked old and ready to crash onto the highway. I’d never been to Alaska, but so far it was matching every preconceived notion I had of it. The sun had set long ago, and the moon danced across the sky, hiding behind dark clouds even in the night. The stars started to shine, and I could see their brilliance with my naked eye. I crossed my arms and rested them on the small area in front of the window, resting my head as I looked out at my new home. It was completely isolated. We didn’t see another soul or any signs of life for miles. We passed by a remote gas station and a small market. An abandoned truck lay off the side of the road, covered mostly by snow. Snow started to fall in clumps, and I was bewildered by the fact that I could see the individual designs of the snowflakes.

“So it’s true,” I whispered to myself. I felt Alice and Edward turn their eyes on me, curious.

“What’s true?” Alice asked, looking out the window as well.

“The snowflakes. They’re all unique.”

Alice’s musical laugh echoed through the car. “I love your innocence, Bella. It’s so sweet.” Edward chuckled.

I was a bit rankled by her statement. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I grumble.

“Oh don’t be so sensitive.” Alice dismissed. “I just mean that everything is so old and established to us. We don’t even pay attention to small things like a snowflake anymore. But everything is so new to you. It’s kind of nice actually,” She mused. “You get a new sense of appreciation for everything.”

It was warm in the car, but Alice’s words chilled me. One day, this would all be old to me. All of it. The blood-drinking, the everlasting thirst, the overwhelming senses. Instead of being comforted by it, I was terrified. I would never die. I would never live to see my eyesight get worse, or hearing leave me. My hair would never turn gray. I wouldn’t get fat in my forties, or get wrinkles and sunspots. My teeth would never fall out. I would watch the world pass by me. I would be a seventeen-year-old, forever.

I didn’t say anything after that, tuning out Alice’s chattering. I was in a remarkably bad mood. I should have died that night. I would _rather_ have died that night. Instead, I was being carted off to God-knows-where, Alaska to live out the rest of my days - and I had no shortage of them. I almost asked Alice and Edward how a vampire can die, but that would be too obvious. I’d be put on a suicide watch as well as a homicide watch. No beauty, no amount of strength and power was worth the life I would now have to live.

I only had to get through it until I was done being a newborn. I wasn’t sure how long that would take, but by then I could have my restraint under control, and I wouldn’t have to be a burden on the Cullen’s anymore. I knew they didn’t know what to do with me. Rosalie clearly hated me, and while Emmett was nicer than I had imagined, he would certainly take her side over anything. The rest were nice enough, but it was clear they didn’t know what to say or how to act around me. The only one who might miss me was Alice. But she had her family, and she’d get over it. I would thank them for their lessons and their caretaking and leave. By then, I will have learned more about our kind, and find someone else to help me.

I stewed in the backseat while Edward drove off the main road, driving parallel to a growing forest of thick pines. We drove along this road for some time, until the woods started to surround us on both sides. The tall trees hid any moonlight from guiding us, the only light on the road from the Volvo. Edward still hadn’t slowed down at all the entire drive, and he even seemed to speed up, eager to get to where we were headed. He took a left on a narrow road, slowing finally. We inched up the road, shrouded in darkness. A light behind me spooked me, and I peeked out of the backseat to see Carlisle turn into the road as well. His headlights burned my eyes, so I turned back, paranoid creeping into my mind. Edward had shut off the radio, and we all sat in silence. An owl hooted from somewhere, and shivers crawled down my back.

A honk from behind us startled us, and we came to a stop. We all swiveled to see an elk pause in front of Carlisle’s Mercedes, caught in the headlights. Carlisle honked again, trying to drive the spooked animal off the road. The elk caught our gaze as well, and I could see the terror within its black eyes, and I watched its muscles twitch with sudden adrenaline. The smell of the creature’s fear made the venom pool into my mouth. It finally ran off the road, galloping into the dense forest undercover from us. Edward made sure there weren’t any more surprises about to pop out of nowhere and started moving again. It seemed like the road had become narrower, and the shadows of the tree branches bounced off of the car. I shivered, bringing my arms closer around me as the shadows tried to trick me. In the shadows, I saw a woman running from an unseen force, her body breaking once she was caught. Her limbs were ripped one-by-one from her until finally, the force took her head. My paranoia started to grow, and I felt compelled to jump from the car. I almost did, and then we broke out into a clearing.

It was a large clearing, and a great log cabin stood at the far edge. The stars were shining with full force, and moonlight streamed everywhere, illuminating the great structure. Smoke was coming out of a brownstone chimney, being whisked away by the wind. The road was clear, and the house came into even greater detail as we came closer. Snow-covered the roof of the cabin and all of the lights were on the inside. The entrance door to the house was a grand door with ornate carvings in the dark cherry wood and brass knockers on either side. A medium-sized frozen pond lay near the house with a stone covered edge, right at the edge of the woods. Above it was a great red cedar tree, towering above the house. A white fox rested on one of the stones, sleeping contently by the frozen water. It opened one eye as we came closer, and the hair on its spine rose, fully awake now. It caught a glimpse of Edward and sneaked away into the night, its white tail swinging from side to side.

Edward slowed down and drove to the other side of the house, pulling into a large open garage. Carlisle pulled in right next to him, putting the car in park. On either side of Edward’s car was a sleek black truck. I furrowed my eyebrows. Was someone waiting for us? I climbed out of the car once I saw that Alice was doing the same, and stretched some as I looked around. There were workbenches and toolboxes everywhere, and the garage could easily fit in another two cars if we made the space. The house was bigger than their house in Forks, and I breathed out. Just how wealthy were they anyway?

“Home sweet home,” Alice crooned, opening the trunk to the Volvo and taking out a bag. Edward walked behind her, grabbing a big cooler full of IV bags and set it near the door leading into the house.

“Are you already here?” A voice called out from the house, and I turned towards it, having already forgotten that it wasn’t just us here.

“You know we drive fast!” Carlisle called out, laughing. He took his and Esme’s bags, opening the door easily. I grabbed my duffle bag and followed Alice into the house as Edward brought in some of the heavier items. We’d come into a mudroom with benches and hooks. Three glamorous fur coats hung on the racks, one pure white, one black, and one a sleek tan. Alice giggled excitedly, clapping her hands together and grinning widely as she shrugged off her coat.

“Oh, I can’t wait to catch up with the girls!” She threw her coat on one of the racks, sprinting into the house and leaving us behind. Carlisle laughed as Esme groaned.

“Wipe your feet, young lady!” Esme called. A distant ‘sorry!’ rang through, managing to make Esme smile and roll her eyes as she put her own coat away and followed her daughter. I wasn’t wearing a coat, so I just took off the gym shoes Rosalie let me borrow, not wanting to get the carpet wet with slush.

“Behind you,” Edward murmured, darting away from me as he brought in some more things from the car. I left my shoes in a small cubby underneath one of the benches as I looked up at his figure. He walked into the main house, leaving me alone with Carlisle. Carlisle motioned for me to come inside, and I timidly follow him in and gasped.

We had walked into a beautiful kitchen with marble countertops and mahogany cabinets. Shiny silver kitchen appliances gleamed with the bright light from the small chandelier in the ceiling. I was somewhat envious – what I could have cooked with this kitchen when I was human. A small island stood in the middle, and a variety of different bags and purses had been dumped onto it carelessly. I followed Carlisle into a spacious living room, and I stared all around me like a child. The high open ceilings and brown suede furniture felt like I was in an exclusive ski lodge. White knit blankets were thrown onto the couches, and they looked so soft I wanted to dig my hands into them. The white carpeted stairs and an iron railing led to a second floor, and a balcony overlooked us. Glass paneling made up most of the eastern wall, supported by wooden paneling and a great stone fireplace. The fireplace roared with a crackling fire and was being tended by a tall woman, gently moving the smoking logs with a poker.

Another woman greeted Alice and Esme excitedly, her short silver-blonde hair ending abruptly at her chin. She was only slightly taller than Alice, and her petal pink lips curled into a smile as Alice complimented her clothing. By the entryway to the living room was another woman, hugging Carlisle and Edward. She lingered on Edward, her topaz eyes roaming down Edward’s body. Her strawberry blonde curls hung down past her shoulders, and she looked to be about an inch or two taller than me. She was beautiful, mesmerizingly so, but I still thought that Rosalie was the most stunning woman I’d ever seen. I pressed my lips together at the sight of her placing a comforting arm on Edward’s bicep, running it down soothingly as she intensely stared into his eyes. He gave short nods or a shake of the head every other minute, indicating they were communicating silently.

I stood awkwardly on the border between the kitchen and the living room as the Cullen’s greeted these strange women. I edged out of the room, walking backward as to be quiet. I might as well make myself useful and put some of the IV bags away into the fridge. I overestimated myself, however, jabbing my elbow on the marble island. I grunted from the shock of it. I somehow still had the ability to hurt myself, even as a vampire. Seven pairs of golden eyes looked up at my disturbance. I stuttered, standing up straight as the three women scrutinized me.

Alice waved me over to where she and Esme stood. “Bella! Don’t be shy, come meet our cousins.” She called, motioning for my frozen body to start moving. The others crowded around them as I made my way over, hiding my hands behind my back and biting down on my bottom lip. I was still easily intimidated it seemed, and the three beautiful women in front of me almost made me want to run out the front door.

Alice took hold of my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as she smiled kindly at me. “This is Tanya, Irina, and Kate. They’re from the Denali Coven.” Tanya had been the one speaking with Edward, and Irina was behind Esme, her silver hair shining in the light of the room. They both looked at me curiously, sneaking a glance at each other. Kate, the woman who had tended to the fire, gave me a tentative smile. Her corn-silk straight hair hung down past her chest, and she crossed her arms as she gazed at me. She held out her pale white hand then, offering to shake mine. I placed my hand in hers, marveling at the bit of heat it reflected instead of the ice I was expecting. She chuckled at my bewilderment.

“We are much like marble in that we absorb heat quickly.” She said, her low alto voice smooth and sensuous. She winked, smiling at my naivety. I nodded shyly, taking my hand back from hers, clutching it at my side. Tanya and Irina both gave small smiles to our interaction, becoming bolder.

“Welcome to Alaska, Bella.” Irina murmured, her eyes dancing with curiosity.

“We’re sorry you won’t be able to meet the rest of our family yet. Eleazar and Carmen decided to visit Spain a month ago.” Tanya said. 

“And we’re very sorry about what happened,” Kate said sympathetically, moving closer to me. She places her hand on my mine, stroking the back of it with her thumb.

“Thank you,” I said quietly, biting down on my lip again. The three women shared a look between them before looking back at me. I was self-conscious under their gaze. It was like being in a beauty pageant, but I was the understudy for a sick model.

“Why don’t we sit down?” Esme says, glancing at me. The women shrugged, each taking a place on the couches that were organized to face each other and the fireplace. I sat next to Alice shyly as the women stretched out. Tanya stretched her long legs as a cat would, a sliver of her shirt lifted up to reveal a smooth white stomach. She was specifically looking at Edward while she stretched, but Edward avoided her gaze, electing to sit next to me. I looked at Tanya and Edward curiously. Had something happened between them? The air seemed tense between the two before everyone started chatting, and Tanya gave up her intense gaze at the boy next to me.

“We can’t thank you enough for helping us get the house ready, but you girls didn’t have to go so far,” Esme said.

“Nonsense,” Irina murmured. “You would have done the same for us.”

I was starting to feel uncomfortable as the burn in my throat started again and I groaned internally. I was sick of drinking blood, and I’d rather not drink in the presence of strangers, still embarrassed at my lack of manners when it came to being a blood drinker. I still managed to drop some from the bag every time I drank, and it was only by fate that I had managed not to ruin my clothing or Edward’s car on the way here. Apparently coming home with bloodstains on my chin and neck was not proper etiquette, according to Alice.

I fidgeted in my seat, accidentally elbowing Edward’s arm. “Oh, sorry,” I whispered, hoping I didn’t hurt him. He shook his head, letting me know I hadn’t injured him, and we both went back to staring at separate walls as everyone else chattered. I felt Tanya’s gaze on me, soaking me in. Was she upset that Edward hadn’t sat next to her? That I didn’t belong? She was hard to read and kept a straight face.

Alice moved to sit in front of Irina, her legs spread out on the floor as Irina showed off her shoes. I scooched over some, giving myself and Edward some space. Esme saw me move, frowning slightly. Did I upset Esme somehow?

I sighed internally. I seemed to be giving off all sorts of wrong vibes tonight. It wouldn’t be long until the Cullen’s were completely sick of me. I stood up abruptly, ending the conversation. I froze, not meaning to kill the mood even further.

“Is something wrong Bella?” Alice asked.

“I’m…um I’m just going to get some fresh air,” I muttered, maneuvering my way out between the couch and wooden coffee table in front of me. Alice raised an eyebrow at me but brightened suddenly.

“Ok! Why don’t you let Edward show you around?” She said innocently. Edward looked at her strangely but didn’t fight her. He stood up, adjusting his jeans slightly and moving over to my side. I followed him across the room and up the stairs, listening carefully as the chatter started again.

“What exactly happened Carlisle?” Kate asks quietly.

“A nomad pack attacked her and her father in their home.” Carlisle murmured softly. He said the next part even quieter. “Her father didn’t make it.” The women tittered at that, their voices becoming softer as we moved up to the second floor and going into a dark hallway. Edward slipped a switch, turning on the lights even though we were both perfectly capable of seeing in the dark.

“Poor girl,” I heard Tanya say. “She looks positively traumatized.”

I’ll say. I certainly felt traumatized. I didn’t pay attention to my surroundings as I listened in on the conversation, bumping into Edward’s back, not realizing he had stopped. I look up at his tall figure, and he turns his head slightly towards me, smirking. I frown, looking at his broad back. He chuckles, opening the door to a darkened room and turning the light on. I follow him carefully and gasp as I look around me.

I was in a grand study, bookshelves lining three of the walls. Straight in front of me was another glass window. _They sure do love glass,_ I thought. Outside of was a snow-covered balcony. A small wrought iron table and chairs were covered in the snow as well. In the middle of the room was a matching set of white leather furniture and a round glass table in the center. In the right-hand corner was a heavy wooden desk, medical journals piled on top everywhere. I scanned the bookshelves with my sharp eyes. The Cullen’s had everything from classic literature to medical and engineering textbooks. I walked around slowly, taking in the room. The bookshelves were at least seven feet tall and fully filled. A middle bookshelf on the left wall was devoid of any books but was filled with family portraits instead.

I gawked at the ornate photo frames filled with the Cullen’s. There were seven individual portraits of everyone. They looked to be taken fairly recently, maybe the late nineties. They all looked the exact same as they did today. Classic and beautiful. A black and white wedding portrait of Carlisle and Esme had me raise my eyebrows. The picture looked to be taken in the 1920s! Another photo beside them was of Emmett and Rosalie, mid-swing dance in their wedding outfits from the 1940s. A picture of Alice and Jasper hugging and smiling for the camera, as Carlisle looked on lovingly as their officiant was from the 1960s.

Just how old were they?

I noticed that there was no wedding portrait that had Edward in it, and I briefly remembered some gossip that had been relayed to me by someone on my first day at Forks High School. _There’s no girl good enough for Edward here._ An individual black and white picture of Edward in a white coat caught my eye. His hair was combed in a part, and he stood straight as he gave the camera a serious pose, but his golden eyes danced with mirth. The stethoscope caught my eye.

I turned towards him, appalled. “You’re a doctor?”

He sat down with a laugh and pointed his head towards the sweater I wore. “I am.” He said simply, crossing his legs and arms. “I’ve never practiced, however.” I nearly flushed at my stupidity.

“So you knew just how minor my injuries were _that_ day,” I said somewhat bitterly, crossing my arms. His face fell, turning serious.

“It’s not that they were minor-”

“But you tried to distract me with it.” I interrupted. He scowled.

“So you’re still going to harp on this?”

“And you still think I should let it go?”

“It’s in the past.” He stated simply, frowning.

“That may be so, but it’s affected how you’ve treated me since,” I said, finally getting to the heart of the matter. Edward treated me like garbage in the days following the accident, deliberately ignoring me when I tried to speak with him. The only time we interacted was during a mandatory lab in class, but we still managed to do those separately too.

Edward’s face turned remorseful and he sighed heavily, wringing his hands as he leaned back into the expanse of the couch. He closed his eyes, the soft sound of his breathing in and out the only noise in the room. It was silent for a few moments, and I rolled my eyes, annoyed that he was ignoring me once again. I turned back around to look at some of the other books they had when he finally spoke.

“I apologize.” He said formally. His low voice was stilted as if he wasn’t used to apologizing. “I didn’t want to make you feel bad. But I had to ignore you for your own good.”

“What?” I said incredulously. I refused to turn around and face him. I was glad he couldn’t hear me cursing his existence in his thoughts. That would probably make this impending fight blow up even more. “That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense.” He says coolly. “You were too close to finding out our secret. I had to protect my family.” His voice gets softer then. “It was too dangerous for you to get close to me.”

“So that was your solution?” I ask, turning to face him. “You could have asked me to stop.”

“Would you have listened?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. He stares me down, and I relent. He was right. I wouldn’t have listened. “It was better that way. I hope you can believe me.” He murmurs.

“I _can,_ ” I say carefully. “But it doesn’t explain everything.” I glance at him quickly enough to see a flash of scorn on his face before he smooths it out. “What did I do to make you hate me so much that first day?” I blurt out. I hope I kept the hurt out of my voice.

He gives me a blank look, and I start to tap my foot impatiently. “I’m not sure how to explain it, to be candid.”

“Can you try?”

“Well I can, but would you be receptive to hearing it?”

I scoff. “Are you always so confusing?”

He sits up straighter, a dark look on his face as he glares at me. “Are you always so indignant?”

“Why is this an issue? You really can’t just be forthcoming with me? I’m already a vampire! You’re stalling and you know it, Edward.” I grit out. I think I knew the answer; in fact I’m fairly certain I did, but I wanted to hear it from his lips. I wanted to know if it was just the simple fact that I was a human who’d caught him on a bad day, and he’d held a grudge ever since.

Edward clenches his jaw at me and is about to give me a piece of his mind when a knock on the door calls our attention. Esme is standing there, her fist raised to the door. She looks at us, apprehensive.

“Is everything alright?” Esme asked.

I look outside of the glass window, not wanting to make eye contact with Esme or Edward, lest I say something angry or foolish. The door slams shut, and I turn quickly, realizing that it’s just Esme and me in the study now.

Esme gives me a weak smile as I sigh heavily. “Forgive him, Edward tends to run away from problems rather than confront them. He does have a good reason for acting like he did.” She murmurs. Another door slams heavily downstairs, and I jump at the noise of it.

“If it’s so good, why can’t he tell me? We’re all vampires here.” I mutter.

“He’s afraid he might…offend you. He doesn’t want to hurt you any further.” Esme says, her sweet voice going down an octave. I glance at her confused. I open my mouth to say something but think better of it. Esme gives me a look of concern as I shake my head. “Did you have something to say, Bella?” She asks me.

“No.” I choke out, becoming emotional. _Damn it,_ I curse inwardly. The emotions I’d been keeping in were starting to bubble up, and I had to choke back another cry. Of course, it would take a confrontation with Edward to bring everything to the surface. Esme came over to me, wrapping her arms around me as I started to give in to the grief. “I can’t do it.” I sob, leaning my head on Esme’s shoulder as she rubbed my back. “I just can’t do it.” I cried bitterly, hiccupping. No tears fell from my eyes, making me cry harder. _I want to wake up now, I need to wake up, I need to wake up._ Esme squeezed me tighter, latching onto my limp frame.

“I know its hard sweetheart, I know it is.” She whispered into my ear, cradling my head as I continued to wail. “Things will start to make sense soon.”

“When?” I choke out. “When will it stop?”

“I don’t know.” She admitted. “It was different for all of us. But we’ll help you, Bella.” She helps me stand straighter, looking straight into my eyes. “We are here for you. We’ll be your guide.”

“Why are you even helping me?” I whispered, sniffling. I was starting to feel numb from all of the crying. She takes my face into her delicate hands. The earnest look on her face reminded me so much of Renee that I had to choke back another sob. “You could have just let me die.”

“We help those in need,” She says slowly. “You’re a good person Bella. You’ll make it through this.” I breathed in and out, nodding as I mulled over words. She smiled tenderly, kissing my forehead. I lean into her calming touch. She hugs me, and I wrap my arms around her eagerly, breathing in her motherly scent.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“For what?”

“For being so sensitive.”

Esme shushes me. “It’s alright. Your entire world has been changed. It’s understandable.”

“Is it?” I ask, thinking back to my conversation with Edward. I was regretting my previous words to him.

“Yes, it is. And if it means anything to you, Edward goes looking for a fight at times as well. He’ll forget about it if you do.” She chuckled. I smiled slightly. Esme pushes back some of my lifeless hair out of my face, frowning.

“You must be missing your mother right now,” Esme whispered. I simply nodded, not having the heart to say anything else right now. I thought of how I would cuddle with Renee after a particularly long day, or because someone had gone out of their way to hurt me. I missed her warm touch and her infectious laugh. I missed the permanent twinkle in her blue eyes. I missed her God-awful cooking. A laugh bubbled from my throat at that, and Esme smiled.

“I feel like…I feel like I don’t remember her though.” I admit, ashamed. “I couldn’t remember her voice until I saw her at the funeral. She seems…dreamlike now.”

“That’s common.” Esme murmured. She tucked a lock of my long hair behind my hair, running her fingers through it. “But you remember a good deal about her, yes?”

I nodded. I remembered that Renee was a kindergarten teacher, and loved young children. I remembered she would look the other way when I sat down to watch a mature television show with her. I remember her joy when I made her a mug for Mother’s Day. There were some other memories there, but they were fuzzy, tucked away into a small file labeled forgotten memories.

“I don’t remember my mother’s name,” Esme admitted, and I looked up in surprise. She smiles.

“I forgot it when I woke up.” She recollects. “But I remember how she’d bake me my favorite dessert when I was sick. I remember her advice on how to be a good wife. I remember how much she _loved_ me.” She emphasized. “You may unlock the rest of your memories as you move on. You have to move on first though.” She said that last part quietly. “That’s the part that takes the most time.”

I looked out the window again, mulling over Esme’s words just as the snow started to fall once more. A figure in the distance walked towards the woods surrounding the house. His dark bronze hair shone with the starlight, clumps of snow stuck to his locks. My breath hitched as I saw him take a glance back at the house.

He turned back, disappearing into the shroud of darkness the woods offered.


	9. The Night We Met

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

Esme led the way up to the third floor of the house as I staggered behind her. She pointed out Alice and Jasper’s room on one end, and Rosalie and Emmett’s room on the other. The study was sandwiched between the two bedrooms. She explained that she and Carlisle’s room was located on the first floor, away from the craziness of the kids. At the end of the right hallway, Esme opened a non-threatening looking door, leading to a set of stairs. She flicked a switch on the wall, illuminating the dark wood steps in front of us. I trailed behind her hesitantly as she hummed. I briefly thought that they were going to stuff me in the attic to be their servant before I shook my mind out of such ridiculous thoughts. I’d read _The Little Princess_ too many times as a young girl.

The stairs led to another door, opening up to a dark and dusty hallway. “Once all the windows are open, the sunlight will stream in everywhere,” Esme said proudly, stopping at another door. She turned to me before she opened it, an apology in her eyes. “I’m sorry Bella, but you might consider the room small. It’s the only available room we have though.” Before I could assure her that a small room was fine for me, she opened the door, leading the way into my new home.

My eyes widened. The room was bigger than my own at Charlie’s house. The north and west walls were completely made of glass, with structural support in between to open a window every now and then. A daybed with a log frame was flush against the north wall, and I imagined spending my days reading with a thick book, looking out at the snow falling on the property. A medium-sized bookshelf was placed against the front of the day bed, and a navy blue reading chair with a plain throw pillow was placed right across from it, facing the glass wall on the west. A plain white lamp rested on the bookshelf, in perfect position to reach over lazily and close it with minimum effort. The floor was wooden, but the daybed lay across a fuzzy white carpet. I imagined laying on it and spreading my fingers through it.

Across from the reading chair was a door leading to the bathroom. A porcelain white tub was placed in the corner, and a glass shower was right next to it. I peeked out, walking to the other side of my room. I curiously opened another door and gasped when it led into a walk-in closet. It was completely bare, with a few stray hangers on the racks and some cardboard boxes placed here and there. A pretty vanity lay in the corner of the room, complete with an ornate mirror and decorative chair. There was nothing in the drawers or on the surface. Everything was ready for my use.

“Esme,” I breathed. “This is most certainly not small.”

She brightened at my words. “Do you like it? You’re welcome to change whatever you want to make you feel more comfortable. Of course, if you don’t like it you’re welcome to stay with Alice for the time being and we can-” She started to ramble.

“Esme, this is more than enough,” I said sincerely. She smiled, glad to hear my acceptance. It should be the other way around, I thought. “Thank you,” I said. She took my hand and held it in mine, squeezing it gently.

“Of course.” She murmured. “Whatever you need.”

We stood like that for a moment before she tensed. I gave her a look before she gave me another apologetic look. “I forgot to mention it to you, but Edward’s room is right across from yours.”

My mood darkened, but I tried not to let it show. I didn’t want to be considered ungrateful for all they – Edward included – had done for me. “We’ll get over it.” I gave her a pained smile. She knew better than to fall for it though.

“Would you like me to speak to him?” She whispered, moving in closer. I paled in horror. _God no_. I felt that would only make things worse. As if I wanted Edward to think I had tattle-tailed on him to his mother. As if he needed another reason to not take me seriously. The image of Edward sulking as Esme lectured him terrified me.

“That really won’t be necessary Esme, I assure you.” I tried to convince her. I knew I hadn’t by the look on her face but she had dropped the subject. She turned to the bed, frowning.

“I’ll see if we have any more sheets instead of those plain ones, they look rather old.” She rolled her eyes jokingly. “Those Denali girls. As long as the job gets done it’s good enough for them.” She chuckled. “I’ll bring your bag up for you.” She called out as she left.

I looked around the room and sat gingerly on the bed, being careful as to not put my whole weight on it. The bed was soft, and I sank into with a sigh. I soaked in the feeling and breathed a sigh of relief. It felt comforting to be in a new room as if nothing had happened to me. I was simply on a trip, away from my family for the first time. Maybe this is what it would have been like when I started college. I lay on my back, my mood turning melancholy as I stared up at the ceiling.

Questions poured into my mind rapidly, and I couldn’t seem to shake them out. What was my mom thinking right now? Was she curled up in Phil’s arms? Or was she staring up at the ceiling in her own room as well? I sighed, burrowing my face into the pillow, breathing in the fresh scent of clean laundry. I wish I could call her, and hear her voice again. What would she say? Would she believe that it was me, or would she think someone was playing a cruel prank? If I knew Renee, she might have believed it was me. There had been no body at the funeral, and Renee was always the type to keep believing I was out there, somewhere in the beyond.

Maybe someday I could contact her when I was no longer thirsty all the time. We could reunite and be together again. Renee and Bella versus the world. She would accept me. In her mind, she might rationalize my now attractiveness as an overhaul of plastic surgery. The Cullen’s might argue that I should leave her be, alone in her grief. I could hear the arguments against it: she wouldn’t be able to keep quiet about the existence of vampires. Who said humans can’t keep a secret? Out of all the millions of humans on Earth, not a single one knows that vampires exist?

My thoughts moved on to Charlie, and my fingers twitched at the sight of him lifeless on the floor. Out of all my memories I still kept of Charlie, his death would forever be the most vivid. I felt sick, and I moved into a fetal position, my hair splayed everywhere as I tried to bury my face. Heavy breaths escaped me. Esme’s words from earlier sprang into my mind, that I should try to start the healing process and move on. _Easy for her to say,_ I thought bitterly.

I had to contend with Edward’s attitude as well. I just didn’t understand why he was being so frustrating. If he had just come out and said he was thirsty that day, I would have understood. I knew the feeling now, and I couldn’t fault him for it. I suppose the problem, however, was that I did fault him for it. It caused us both unnecessary stress.

I shut my eyes close, wishing desperately that sleep would eventually take me. If I stayed like this, maybe I would wake up in the morning and Charlie would be eating his oatmeal in the kitchen. I would drive to school in that dumpy old truck and sit next to Edward quietly in class and come back home and start the process over again. I’ve had those dreams before, the ones that seem like it’s been months in an alternate universe. My fists balled into a bunch as I whispered into the nothingness. “Please…please wake up.”

A knock on the door brought me out of my stupor, and Alice stood in the doorway warily. She carried my bag and a set of newly laundered sheets and a blanket.

“Sorry I took so long,” Alice started, stepping into the room and dumping my bag on the ground. “Esme wanted to give these a good wash before we made the bed.” She motioned towards the sheets in her hands. She swatted my leg in hopes I’d get up.

“She already washed them? Wasn’t she just here?” I muttered, not making any effort to move.

Alice swats me again, and I groan with her insistence. “That was three hours ago Bella.”

My eyes open at that. I’d been wallowing for three hours? Alice smirks at my lost face and nods. “It felt like five minutes.” I murmured, sitting up finally. Alice plops onto the bed next to me.

“That’s understandable. Time goes by fast for us. It’ll go by even faster once you get used to it.” She shrugs. She slapped my leg again, apologizing when I made a small noise of pain, even though it didn’t hurt. “Oops! Sorry Bella,” She grins sheepishly. “Let’s get to it!”

“To what?”

“Let’s get your room ready!”

“Do we have to do that now?”

“Were you planning on doing it later?”

“Yes,” I lied.

Alice laughed and pointed towards her temple. “No, you weren’t. Which is why you should do it now while I’m here.” I made a face as she handed me the bag. I dumped the contents of the bag onto the bed and looked at my paltry collection.

Alice looked at me and shrugged. “At least you’ll be done quickly.”

She was right about that. I hung up my few sweaters and shelved my two books relatively within minutes. I was strategic about placing my knick-knacks around the room, and I placed the few photographs I had near the lamp. Alice put her hands on hips, surveying my work.

“Good job!”

I snorted. “I guess.”

Alice looked into the closet and made a face. “Oh geez.” She turned to me, her black hair swinging slightly. “Oh, let me get my laptop! We can start our shopping spree!” She bounced up and down.

“Really, Alice we can do this anytime.”

“Do you plan on wearing on no pants when you have to wash those?” Alice raised an eyebrow. She raised a good point, and I didn’t want to be in my room pant-less if Edward was right across the hall.

“Fine,” I conceded.

“Ahh!” She squealed, running out of the room. I could her tear through her bags on the second floor. Carlisle yelled from the first floor for Alice to take it easy on the house, and I chuckled along with them. Her exuberance was something to be admired, and I’ll admit Alice’s persistence at making me feel better was working slightly. I hoped she would make good on her word to have a movie night at some point. I could use the familiarity.

I bought a hand up to my flaring throat, wishing it wouldn’t burn so often. I tried to take slow breaths. The scent in the air helped in keeping me grounded. The air was musty from the room not being lived in. I wondered what they had even made this room for. I stripped the daybed of its current sheets while I waited for Alice to get her things ready. The new sheets Esme had prepared for me were white as well but had delicate lace-knit daises sewn onto them, with pops of yellow thread in the petals. I folded the white and blue quilt and placed it at the edge of the bed, sitting down gently. I kept the old sheets on the chair by the window. I’d take it down when I was ready.

Alice burst into the room, carrying a silver laptop and her wallet. I raised an eyebrow as I moved my legs, and she sat down, bouncing the entire bed.

“I’m so excited!” She exclaimed, typing furiously into the browser. She turned to me, her golden eyes shining brightly. “What should we shop for first? Clothes?” She stole another look at my closet and then nodded to herself. “ _Definitely_ clothes.” She typed some more, clicking out of a few tabs and then adding some more. “So, Bella. What would you say is your style?” She asked seriously.

“Um, it’s kind of whatever,” I answer truthfully.

“Oh, I can see that.” She gives me a look. “But, don’t you want to try something new? Oh, I bet you’d look good in Chanel…”

“Chanel? _Chanel?_ ” I ask incredulously. “Alice, don’t be ridiculous!” Alice stiffened for a moment, however, and her topaz eyes were fixed on the door across from mine in the hallway. I suspected it was Edward’s room. Was he already back home? Did her vision have something to with him?

“Alice?” I asked, unsure of what she was seeing. I poked her arm, trying to see if I would get a reaction. “Alice, you’re really freaking me out.”

She broke out of her spell, laughing breathlessly. She seemed to be in a much happier mood than she was just a moment ago. “You’d look _really good_ in Chanel.” She laughed.

“What the hell did you just see?” I asked her.

“Something amazing,” Alice was still breathless from her vision. Her face glowed by the lamplight and she had a faraway look in her eye. She stole a glance at the sweater I wore, frowning at the shapelessness. “What’s your waist size?” She asked me. She reached over to and put her hands on my waist, calculating my size.

“Hey!” I cried out, managing to push her off. She grumbled at my pushiness. “What do you need my waist size for?”

Alice scoffed. “I’ll need it eventually!” She said cryptically.

“You’re really annoying after you have these visions of yours,” I grumble. Alice laughed, shaking her head as she clicked a few links on her laptop, leading us to the Chanel website.

“I know, but it’s always so worth it.” She smirked.

When Alice told me that she loved to shop, she truly meant it. I was astonished by her insistence on seeing everything on the site. She made sure to pick every glamorous and expensive piece of clothing the designer had available, ignoring my protests. With every link she clicked, she would induce a vision of how I would look in the clothes and either clicked out of the link with disgust or gleefully put it in the cart.

“I most certainly _will not_ wear that.” I cried out indignantly after she put a skin-tight blood-red dress with thin spaghetti straps into the cart. It looked like the model had been glued into the dress. Alice turned to look at me exasperated.

“Bella you’re going to look so _hot_ in that.”

“Oh, I am? My apologies then,” I sneered. “We’re in _Alaska,_ Alice! Where the hell will I wear that? The local igloo?”

Alice cackled at my remarks, refusing to budge. “You’ll find somewhere to wear it.”

“Alice,” I gritted out. “I thought we were supposed to be looking for just the basics anyways.”

“And we will,” She soothed. “I’ll get you your boring and ugly jeans.”

“I’m not really a dress person, Alice,” I warned.

She looked up at me from where she was laying down on her stomach, taking my hand in hers. “Don’t worry, I can fix that.” She said seriously.

“Alice,” I whined.

“God, fine we’ll check Macy’s or some other rinky-dink department store,” Alice grumbled, clicking out of the links. She scrambled to close out of another link suddenly, and I caught a glimpse of some white gowns from a designer page. I raised my eyebrow at her.

“Were those bridal gowns?”

“Uh, no they were prom dresses.” She said quickly.

“Prom dresses?” I asked. Was Alice planning a prom in the middle of nowhere, Alaska?

“Yes, prom! Rosalie needs a dress!”

For some reason, Rosalie just didn’t seem like the prom-going type of vampire. It was hard to imagine, beautiful and statuesque Rosalie dancing stiffly in a beautiful designer gown under a disco ball in a smelly high school gymnasium. Alice yes, but Rosalie seemed like she’d rather die a second time than going to a high school prom. As if sensing my thoughts, Alice answered for me. “We have to look normal for the town. And Rosalie loves the attention anyway.” She rolled her eyes.

“Sure,” I said suspiciously. True to her word, Alice eventually went to the websites of some department stores and took my input, even though she’d mutter at the shabbiness of it all. She was particularly cranky when I asked her if she could get some plain long-sleeved shirts and plain jeans. We eventually compromised, I could get a few plain shirts and Alice picked out some flowy blouses with floral designs on them that were cinched at the waist. She also compromised on the jeans. She picked up a few pairs of skinny jeans and let me have a few regular cut ones as well. Alice was being fairly easy to work with - despite all the sexy dresses she was insisting on buying me. She was dead set on finding my ‘style’ as she so put it. Alice was also kind enough to pick up a couple of pairs of shoes for me as well, stating that I couldn’t live in Rosalie’s raggedy shoes forever. She let me pick a pair of yellow sneakers, and picked up a pair of warm, wool-lined snow boots. At the last moment, Alice threw in what looked like a plain, thick blue sweater for me. I shrugged; at least it would be warm.

When we were done, I rolled over from where I was laying down next to Alice and stretched; surprised to see that it was morning. “God, how long we were on that computer for?” I asked, my voice hoarse from the burn of my thirst. Alice gives me a look as she typed in her credit card number without even looking at her card. I didn’t want to know the price of that bill.

“Not sure to be honest,” She replies, typing in some more cursory information. “Shopping is a bit of a time suck for me if you haven’t noticed.”

“It’d be hard not to notice,” I mumbled, closing my eyes. We stayed silent for another half hour, and I listened to Alice watching some videos on YouTube, smiling as she giggled at something funny.

“Hey, Alice?” I said softly.

“Yes, Bella?”

“Thank you,” I murmured. “For everything. I know I haven’t been very cooperative with you all,” I said, trying to choke back any emotions that were threatening to spill over into my voice. “But I do appreciate everything you’ve all done for me since...since that night. The camera, all the clothes, _everything._ ” I stress. Alice gives me a blank look, and I thought I may have to spell it out for her even more until she smiles softly at me and pushes back some of my hair.

“You’re welcome, Bella. And I have to admit, I am doing some of this out of my own selfishness,” She laughed.

I chuckled. “And what’s that?”

“Well, I’ve always wanted to give someone an honest to goodness makeover.” She smirked at me, and I made a face. “But I think we’re going to be very good friends someday,” She added quietly.

I turn serious as well. “Is that what you saw in your vision?”

“I’ve seen it in some of them. The ones where you don’t run away at least.”

My breath hitches. “You saw that?”

Alice nods seriously, giving me a disappointed look. “Were you really going to run away from us Bella?”

“No,” I say immediately, but then backtrack as she gives me a look. “Well, I don’t know. I wasn’t sure. I started thinking about it in the car ride over here.” I admitted.

We turned silent once again, both of us mulling over my admission. “Did you think we wouldn’t care about you in the long term?” Alice asks quietly. I nod, not saying anything. Alice sighs heavily and scooches closer to me on the bed and we both stare up at the ceiling in silence.

“You really saw all of that? That I thought about running away?” I ask.

“Yes. You hadn’t decided on actually doing it, but the vision told me it was a very real possibility.”

“I don’t understand,” I admitted. “You’ve all only just met me. Why go so far for someone you don’t even know?”

“That’s who we are Bella,” Alice said faintly, her voice like wind chimes in the morning breeze. “You were attacked on our territory. We had to defend you. We couldn’t let a newborn be alone either. The first year is critical.” She thought of her next words to me carefully. “And I had the strangest feeling that you would mean much more to us than just a passerby.”

“Did you see that in a vision too?”

“Well, I saw some pieces of it. But this piece of information came from my good ol’ intuition.” She laughed slightly. I still thought she was hiding something from me. She turned her head towards me, her features softened by the soft morning light. “I’m glad you’re with us, Bella.”

I smiled back. I was strangely glad too.

* * *

Alice and I laid in bed for most of the morning, getting to know each other further. Alice had been telling me of her life thus far, and I learned that Alice had been born in 1901. I very nearly screamed. Alice was 104 years old, and yet she didn’t look a single day over 19. She told me about how she woke up, scared and alone in what was a deserted asylum. Her first vision had been of her meeting Jasper and joining the Cullen family.

“Weren’t you lonely?” I whispered. It felt like I was a young girl, whispering secrets to her friend under the safety of the covers. I never had a chance to do this when I was young; I was painfully shy and I was never invited to any sleepovers from the girls in my class, so I was surprised at how familiar and right it felt to be in this position with Alice. “You had to wait for Jasper for so long. How did you know when it was time?”

“Don’t get me wrong, it was very lonely waiting for Jasper and the rest of my family.” She murmured. “I just wandered aimlessly throughout the states it felt like sometimes. Sometimes I was so close to him, but I knew it wasn’t time. If we had met earlier than we did, it wouldn’t have worked. Something would have gone wrong. But I knew I had to have patience; Jasper’s face was the first vision I ever had. He was my everything the day I saw him in my mind.” She smiled warmly, thinking of her husband.

“It must have been quite a shock for him to find a complete stranger who knew him.” I murmured, resting my head on my arm. Alice laughed breathlessly, turning her body to face me as she grinned.

“Oh, you should have seen his face!” She laughed. “My visions couldn’t hold a candle to him in person. Those first few days with him, they really had been everything I was dreaming of.” She smiled widely, her golden eyes wandering up to the ceiling and glittering with love for her husband. I bit my lip hard from saying something cynical. It wasn’t Alice’s fault I was bitter.

A knock on the door brought us both out of our conversation, and we turned to see Tanya in the doorway, smirking. Her long, curly blonde hair was tied up in a loose ponytail and she glanced around the room curiously, her eyes taking in our lounging forms.

“Look at you two, already peas in a pod.” Tanya laughed. Her low voice was sultry, and I felt myself being drawn in by her elegance. Her voice held just the barest hint of an Eastern European accent. I gave her an apprehensive look, not sure about having such a gorgeous woman in my presence. I was beautiful now, but I felt downright dowdy next to her. “It’s good to have strong bonds at your stage,” She said to me. “They keep you grounded.”

“It seems that way, yes,” I mumbled, not looking at her.

“Irina and Kate bonded strongly with me during their newborn phase as well.” She mentioned off-handedly.

“I love how close you three are,” Alice said, smiling. “I wish Rosalie was as loving as you girls are.” Tanya grinned back as well, and her rose-red lips blew a kiss at Alice.

“Rosalie loves in her own way; you should know that by now Alice,” Tanya said with a teasing smile. Even her teeth were beautiful. Tanya walked further into the room before she stopped suddenly, sniffing the air. She glanced at me, her stone white face falling serious.

“So you’re the one who sent Edward to Denali.”

I blanched and straightened up. “What do you mean _I’m_ the one who sent him to Alaska?” How did she even know that by just smelling the air?

She nodded slowly like I was an idiot. “Edward came up to Alaska for a week in January,” She recalled. “He seemed to be disturbed by a human girl who smelled of freesia.” She looks me up and down; trying to see what was so offensive about me. My confusion only grew.

Alice looked at us, nervous for some reason. “Edward still hasn’t told her what happened, Tanya.”

I glare at Alice, annoyed that she was shutting up a source of information. “That’s alright, I-”

“He needs to apologize.” Alice interrupted, giving Tanya and me a look. Tanya raised an eyebrow, shrugging.

“Alright…” Tanya led off, unsure of whether she should stay. “Well, I’m going to go downstairs. I wanted to talk to Esme about some interior designs she’s been planning.”

“Okay! Have fun!” Alice waved, and Tanya left as fast as she had appeared.

“Alice, what the hell?” I gritted out.

“Trust me, Bella,” She said, smiling. “These types of things should come from the doer, not the witness.”

“Haven’t you noticed that we’re not exactly on the best of terms right now?”

“Hah! It’s hard not to notice, you could cut the tension between you two with my fangs,” She laughed. “Frankly, you both need to get your head out of your asses.”

“Hey-” I started weakly, but Alice cut me off.

“No excuses,” Alice gives me a pointed look. “You can be just as bad. I saw how you ignored him at school.”

I sat up, feeling chastised for my past actions. Looking back, everything seemed simple and easy to deal with, and yet I reacted so strongly – and for what? Because Edward was being cold towards me? Had I really been so overly sensitive because Edward ignored me? It wasn’t as if I hadn’t been used to it my whole life.

“I’m not trying to lecture you, Bella,” Alice said. “But I want you to know that things aren’t what they seem.”

“I understand where you’re coming from,” I said, playing with hands. “And I know I should be more understanding.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear it.” Alice smiled. There was something knowing behind her eyes, however, a glint in her eyes. I briefly wondered what her motives were before I threw those thoughts out of my head. Alice wasn’t some Machiavellian mastermind, she was Alice.

Still, she smiled like something was falling into place.

The day went by quickly, and I listened to all the happenings going on downstairs as I stayed holed up in my room. Alice had left briefly after our talk to fetch me an IV bag and then left again to spend time with Irina. I curled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my body as I stared at the setting sun from the glass walls. The Alaskan sky was tinged orange and red, cloudless. The snow still covered every outside surface and shone from the dying light of day. The comforter was mussed all around me, and if I closed my eyes just right, I could pretend I was sleeping. It nearly worked at times, but a loud laugh from downstairs would ruin my concentration, and I’d have to start again. I might have to ask Alice to buy myself some noise-canceling headphones.

A knock on my door ruins my concentration, and I sigh again. “Come in,” I mumble, not bothering to look up at the visitor.

“You must be thirsty,” A velvet voice murmurs. My eyes widen, and I turn to see Edward in the doorway, holding an IV bag full of deer blood in one hand. His long elongated fingers gripped the bag easily, and he walked smoothly over to me, holding it out. I made a face but still reached for the bag since my throat flared at the scent of the offensive liquid.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

“You’re welcome.” He says, stuffing his hands into his trouser pockets. He looks around uncomfortably, his lanky figure hunched awkwardly. I start to suck on the liquid, and the primitive part of my mind relishes in the sweet relief the blood offered me. 

Edward clears his throat, running a hand through his hair. My eyes meet his golden ones, and I’m transfixed by his dark eyelashes fluttering against his marble-white skin. “May I speak with you, Bella?”

I nod, wondering what he would need to speak to me about. He motions with his head for me to stand up, and I do so timidly. I follow him across the hall, and he opens his door with one swift motion, holding the door open for me.

I go in hesitantly, not sure of what I’d find in Edward’s private space. Maybe some hideously dusty coffin. I gasp. Edward’s room was covered wall to wall with CDs. A few vinyl records decorated whatever space was left above the shelves filled with CDs. In a corner shelf were sleeves of vinyl’s, old spine-cracked books and leather journals, and yellowing music books with complicated melodies. One glass window faced the south, and up against it was an onyx leather couch. A white carpet rested in the middle with a round glass coffee table. On the other side of the room rested some speakers and other complicated recording equipment.

“You must really like music,” I murmured, raising an eyebrow at him. He smirked, the dimple in his right cheek becoming prominent as his lips quirked up. I noticed another dimple on his left cheek as well, but it was much smaller with his crooked smile leaning right. For once, I didn’t see the handsome and serious Edward Cullen he had presented in school. I saw the cute, charming boy Jessica and Lauren giggled about during lunch.

I was so taken by his smile that I didn’t hear his reply. “What?” I said dazedly.

Edward chuckled. “I said, something like that.”

“Oh,” I say dumbly. “Well… what did you want to speak to me about?”

He strode over to the couch, leaning back against the cushions. He patted the space next to him, asking me to join him. I narrow my eyes, questioning his sudden change in mood from last night. I sit gingerly on the edge of the couch, far away from Edward. He frowns at my distance but says nothing.

“Well,” He clears his throat again. “I wanted to apologize for my actions earlier.”

I purse my lips at that, wondering what his angle was. “It’s alright.”

He raises an eyebrow at my reaction. “I suppose you want to know why I treated you badly that first day.”

That did pique my interest, and Tanya’s accidental slip of the tongue only served to increase my curiosity. I nod slowly, suddenly dreading his answer. I wondered if he was just going to tell me he really did just hate me on sight.

Edward sighed, wringing his thin hands. Nervous energy was coming off of him, and it was starting to affect me. “Spit it out, Edward,” I mutter.

“That first day in the cafeteria,” He starts. “I couldn’t read your thoughts. I thought maybe Jessica was just covering yours up, she was always so loud in her head anyway.” He rambled. “But I couldn’t hear you at all. You were…completely blank.” He murmured thoughtfully.

“Is that why…you were so mad?” I said, trying to fill in the blanks. He shook his head, looking me in the eye now.

“No, that’s not why. It was interesting, but I didn’t particularly care about it after a while. I just figured you were extremely quiet. Or maybe just didn’t think.” He teased. I rolled my eyes at his joke.

His face turned somber though, and seriousness enveloped the room. “When you walked into Biology, everything was fine.” He said, and the dread started to fill me, wondering where he was taking this story. I started to feel uneasy.

Edward was silent, mulling over his next sentence. “I was thirsty that day. I hadn’t hunted in a while, and I was on edge.”

I bit down on my lip, stopping myself from needling him with questions. He was struggling with telling me the truth it seemed. “Don’t edit anything,” I say. His topaz eyes flashed to mine, asking if I was sure.

“A fan blew into your face,” He says slowly. “And your scent hit me like a freight train.”

“Like…when I chased after that person in the woods?” I asked.

“Edward shook his head. “No. This was… _worse._ ” He stated. “I’d never felt a thirst like this in all my years, even when I was a newborn.”

“And you wanted to…kill me?” While I was wary of listening to this, I knew I had to know the truth. It would needle away at me if I didn’t know the whole story.

He nodded. “You smelled _incredible_ Bella. Your scent was so fragrant and rich. I was so close to murdering everyone in the vicinity, just so I could have a taste of your blood.” He said, the truth pouring out of him.

We sat in silence. My hands shook as I clasped my fingers together in order to get a grip. Edward confessed to wanting to drink my blood that first day and that he would have murdered others to do it. I didn’t know I should have thanked him for not doing so. “Why didn’t you?” My voice came out shaky.

Edward’s voice was hoarse. “I saw Carlisle’s face in my mind. He was so disappointed in me, but he would have supported me anyway. I couldn’t do that to him.”

“So that’s why you ran.” I mused. He grunted in affirmation.

“I went to Denali and stayed low there for a week. But I missed my family and I didn’t want to leave them until you had graduated,” He shrugged. “I wasn’t going to let a human drive me away from them.”

I looked down in shame, feeling bad that I almost separated Edward from the rest of his family. _Technically, that’s what you’re doing right now,_ the bitter part of my mind sneered.

One thing still didn’t make sense. “Why me?” I blurted out. “What was it about my blood that sent you running for the hills?”

Edward looked at me then, his gold eyes hard. “All humans have a different scent, and depending on the vampire, the scent can be good or bad. Some are better than others, and some are…irresistible. We call it a ‘singer’.”

“A singer?” I said, apprehensive.

“Yes, a singer. _La tua cantante._ ” He murmurs. “You are – _were_ mine.” He said quietly.

I almost asked him if I still smelled irresistible to him, and then tightly shut my mouth. The question was too intimate. My memory of the incident was slightly fuzzy, and it felt like I was forgetting much of what happened. Edward’s choice of words brought back the image of James leaning over my neck, grinning. I yelped and reached for my neck. Edward was alarmed, and before I could blink he was next to me, looking for signs of distress.

“What’s wrong?”

“I…I remembered James,” I said quietly. It felt like my heart had started again, and I could feel the phantom beat of it in my chest.

“James?”

“The one who attacked me,” I left it at that. “He said my blood was irresistible as well.”

Edward’s jaw clenched and he gritted his teeth in anger, looking at the floor. “Could I have been his singer as well?” I ask him.

“I don’t know,” Edward admitted. “That would be a question for Carlisle.”

“Oh.” We sat in silence again, looking anywhere but each other. “Is that why you saved me?” He looks at me in confusion. “From the van? You thought if I was hurt you might kill me?”

“That was one reason, yes.” He mumbles. I narrow my eyes at his vague response, but I don’t try to push him. I had gotten a lot of information out of him today, and I suspected that would be all of it.

“Well,” I say. “Thanks for not killing me.”

Edward surprised me by barking out a laugh, eventually leading to a dark chuckle. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he continued to laugh slightly, and I found myself chuckling along with him. We sat there in his room, morbidly laughing to ourselves. The air had cleared between us finally. I couldn’t deny that it felt nice to be rid of the tension that had been wedged between us.

“I feel considerably lighter,” Edward breathed out, and I observed a newfound lightness on his face. He looked at me and gave me a slight smile. I was transfixed by the crookedness and unconsciously smiled back.

“I take it you bottle things up.”

Edward chuckled again, nodding. “We’re very open in the family, but still, one needs to keep some things to themselves.”

I found myself feeling bad for Edward. I was the same way, keeping my emotions and thoughts tightly wrapped up. He didn’t only have his own tumultuous thoughts to contend with, but everyone else’s thoughts as well. He had not been burdened with just this life, but he was technically never alone. I wondered how he felt in my silent presence. Was he glad to not have to listen to anyone?

“Is that hard with your…ability?”

“Yes. I try my best not to overhear their thoughts, but thoughts are pervasive.” He said.

“I bet they’re perverted as well,” I mutter.

Edward surprises me by genuinely laughing. He shakes his head, suppressing a smile. “I never know what’s going to come out of your mouth.”

My eyes turn to gaze at my hands resting in my lap, and I bite my lip to stop a pleased smile. I’m still surprised to see the translucence of my pale white skin. The blue veins running underneath in a tangle of connective tissue was visible, and I pressed down on it, trying to make it disappear. Edward was staring at his music collection, his eyes roaming to the shelf where a stack of sheet music rested, elegant hand-written music notes scrawled onto the bars.

“Bella?”

“Yes?”

Edward swallowed, and I watched the sharp Adam’s apple in his throat bob with the movement. He turned to me, serious.

“Could we start over?” He asked me.

“Start over?”

“Start anew. I know I haven’t been kind to you in the past,” He started.

“You’ve been an ass.” I corrected him. Edward breathes out a laugh.

“You’re right. I’ve been an ass.” He smirked. “But I regret my actions. I didn’t mean to hurt you, or hurt your feelings by ignoring you.” He looks me in the eye, and I nod, believing him. “Seeing as how we’ll be spending the foreseeable future with one another, I want to start over.” He said quietly.

I could see where he was coming from. I didn’t want to fight with Edward anymore or ignore him like a petty child. If we were to spend the next few years together, and as they helped me transition into this new life, I would need to be able to get along with everyone in the house. A spark ran through me. The prospect of being friends with Edward was exciting. I bit down on my lip to suppress the smile that was trying to fight its way onto my face.

Edward continued speaking. “We could…consider this the night we met.” His eyes met mine, and I could see the earnestness in those deep golden pools. He genuinely wanted this. It wasn’t just me. For the first time since the incident, I felt _happy_. We could erase everything, all the pain, hurt and bitterness and start clean. I gave him a shy smile; one that I hoped reflected an agreement.

“…I’d like that.”


	10. Mindset

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

March soon turned into April.

Time crawled lazily, and I had already found myself in Alaska for two weeks. The snow was the most consistent thing about my stay so far. It never budged, neither gaining nor losing volume. The trees – hemlock groves and spruces – were starting to grow most of their greenery back, little green buds springing from the ends of branches. Birds nested in the high tops of the trees, readying their homes for little ones as they sang sweetly. Footprints decorated the snow in the mornings, and I watched Edward move into the dark edge of the forest most mornings, snow decorating his mussed hair. Most days I spent the extra twelve hours – day or night – counting the minutes. In the past couple of days, I gathered that daylight had increased an extra forty-two minutes. Once, Esme came up with my bag of blood as I watched the sunset into the horizon and described how I’d get to see the midnight sun in a few months. She said it was one of the most beautiful things she’d ever seen in her lifetime.

My alarm went off, and I hit the button with ease, not bothering to look up from where I was laying down in my bed. Alice gave me the alarm clock as a means of keeping time and to stop myself from wallowing for _too_ long. She generously allowed me three hours a day of self-pity. I rolled my eyes at the memory of it. How kind.

I pulled the warm and cozy comforter over my head, nestling into the bed. If I could just get warm, I could have tricked myself into a false sleep. My breaths were slow and shaky. I was still getting used to the strange sensation of not having to breathe. I felt as if I could feel every minuscule movement of my body. My lungs felt so strange, expanding and depressing every few seconds. There was also the matter of being freezing at all times. It felt as if a deep winter chill had settled into my chest, and no hot baths and piles of warm blankets could fix it.

“Bella! Get up slug-a-bug!” Alice called, bursting into my room. I groaned, pulling the covers around me tighter. She ripped them off of me effortlessly. I glare up at her, hissing at the sudden burst of light in my room.

Alice cackled. “You don’t have to live up to the stereotype, you know. Names hurt, Bella.” Alice teased, bringing up a hand to her chest in mock scandal. I chuckled slightly, sitting myself up. Alice set a cardboard box on my bed, handing me a box cutter.

“What’s all this?”

“Some clothes,” She said nonchalantly, not waiting for me to open the box. She dug in with her nails, ripping open the tape.

“Seriously? More clothes?”

“Seriously? You have _no_ clothes.”

I raised an eyebrow, turning to my rapidly filling closet, now overflowing with dresses, blouses, sweaters and more skinny jeans than I could ever go through. “I think I might be good for now Alice.”

Alice only smiled, bringing out the garment with a flourish. It was a plain yellow woolen coat, with ivory whalebone buttons. Soft, dense wool-lined the inside of the coat, and I smiled as my hands sunk into the luxuriousness. “It’s nice,” I admitted.

“I knew you would,” Alice smirked, pushing the coat into my arms. “Now go hang it up.”

“Yes master,” I grumbled, getting up from my comfortable position and padding over to the closet. I straightened the pajamas I was wearing, relishing in the soft feel of the jersey on my skin. Alice moaned about buying me something comfortable to wear around the house, grumbling how I don’t even need to sleep. I wouldn’t budge. While I was deeply appreciative of how much she was doing for me and the massive expense it was, I couldn’t let Alice dictate all of my personal choices. If I gave her an inch, she’d take a mile.

Alice only agreed when she found a pretty – and designer – pajama set. She wouldn’t let me look at the price, knowing I’d complain, but I’d forgotten all about that when I put them on.

“So what’s the plan for today?” I asked Alice, reaching up for a hanger. The past week Alice had been trying to do a new activity every day to keep me from succumbing to cabin fever and my turbulent emotional state. So far we had watched _The Princess Bride_ thrice, watched documentaries on ancient alien civilizations taking over the Earth, played a scavenger hunt around the house, and played an assortment of Emmett and Jasper’s old video games they had left behind here. Alice was surprisingly violent and vicious when it came to winning at video games, and in my frustration at losing, I accidentally crushed the remote controller.

“Do you know how to play poker?”

I hesitated. The game seemed familiar. I think Charlie and his friends Billy and Harry would play it on Friday nights during the summer. “Maybe?” I whispered to myself. I turned to Alice, seeing her frown at my hesitance.

“Well, that’s okay. We can teach you another time. Go fish?”

I groaned at that one. “Please, no go fish. I think I had to play that by myself when I was younger.”

“Were you by yourself a lot?”

“Yeah, kind of,” I answered vaguely. The memories of my childhood weren’t as fuzzy as I thought they may have been, but I had been trying to remember so much of my human life lately. I had been trying to write everything as they came to me in a spiral notebook I found, so I’d have something to look back at as the years go on.

Renee and I got by when I was younger, and Charlie paid child support religiously, but there were still instances where we really struggled. Renee never had the money to drop me off at daycare, so she insisted I stay safe and out of harm’s way while she went to work or to night class. When I was in elementary school, I’d take the bus home after school ended for the day, make myself a snack and go to town on my homework. After all my responsibilities were taken care of, I’d have to entertain myself for the next few hours. Hours of silent go fish became old quickly.

“So you’re used to taking care of yourself then.” She said, a strange emotion crossing her face. I couldn’t make out what it was before she caught herself.

“Pretty much,” I shrugged. “My mom was either always working or taking classes. It got better when she got her degree and license, but I’ve been used to being in my own head for long periods of time.”

“Huh. You don’t say. Well, why don’t you come downstairs with me, we can get you something to drink.”

I made a face, and Alice stared me down. “I know you’re downplaying your thirst, now come on.”

Alice took my arm and pulled me up, dragging me down the hallway as I protested. We reached the first floor in a few seconds. Esme was sitting on one of the couches, drawing on a large sketchpad. She drew dramatic lines across the paper from where I could see, and her intense concentration was broken when Alice and I bounded down the stairs. She smiled.

“Hello Bella,” She murmured, putting down her pad next to her. She stood, dusting eraser bunnies off of her pants. “How are you feeling?”

“Alright,” I said quietly.

“Are you thirsty?”

I only nodded, following Esme and Alice into the kitchen. I sat at the island, fidgeting with the edge of my shirt as Esme rummaged through the fridge. She pulled out a half bag of blood, and the scent from the open fridge door hit me. I visibly stiffened, trying to hold back my sudden and deep thirst. I balled my fists tightly to stop myself from tackling Esme for the bag. The venom started to pool into my mouth, and the primitive part of me wanted nothing more to find something to sink my teeth into. Alice noticed my body language and cleared her throat for Esme to notice. Esme glanced at my form, hurrying up. She handed me the bag, and I swallowed nervously, before sucking furiously at the bag. The cold blood washed down my throat, and the taste of iron filled my senses. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as my conscious looked on in disgust. In my haste, I inadvertently dribbled blood onto my shirt as I downed the bag, staining the neck. Beads of blood rolled down into my shirt and onto my breasts.

Esme rubbed my back as I broke away, breathing heavily. I shivered, shaking the cold out of my body as the blood started to settle in. “Are you alright?” Esme asked, concerned.

I shook my head yes, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

“Was the blood too cold for you?” Alice suggested.

Esme made a face, pulling out her cell phone from her pocket. “I can call Carlisle. It’s probably time to wean you off of those bags anyway.”

Carlisle had left us after a few days to go back to Forks. He joked that Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie would surely get into some type of trouble while they were home alone. He also had the added responsibility of making sure all of their loose ends were tied up when they would leave Forks after a few months. The plan was to let people know that the family would be moving back up to Alaska for good, but they’d wait until graduation to make the big move. In the meantime, we’d been receiving plenty of packages of everyone’s belongings, that way they wouldn’t have to haul so many things when it came time to leave.

“You haven’t hunted – _really_ hunted - since we left Forks,” Alice whispered to herself. She grabbed the bag of blood, scrutinizing it. “Cold, still blood isn’t very appetizing.” She sniffed the bag. “Can blood go bad?”

Esme froze. “I’m not sure if we thought of that.”

“It tasted alright.” I interrupted. “I mean, as alright as it can be. It’s kind of funky tasting, but I don’t know if it’s because I don’t like it or if it’s actively rotting.”

Alice looked at the bag in her hands, debating something. She takes a sudden swig from the bag and shivered. “Ugh! It’s so cold,” She shivered dramatically. “It tastes fine though. We _should_ probably look into blood going bad though. I can’t _believe_ we didn’t think of that…” She muttered to herself.

“I thought that you think of everything Alice,” I said lightly, sucking some leftover blood off of my lip.

“We drink _fresh blood_ Bella! We never have to worry about it going bad!” Alice whined.

Esme was murmuring into the phone, glancing at me and the bag of blood. She whispered her love to Carlisle and the rest of the family before hanging up. “Carlisle thinks maybe it’s time to get you actively hunting instead of just relying on cold IV bags,” Esme said. “Warm blood is much more appetizing than… _this._ ” Esme made a face as she pointed to the IV bag.

“I think I’d rather just starve,” I said, reaching for a napkin and wiping up the blood I spilled. I cleaned the dribble of blood dripping down my chin and neck, frowning. My shirt was a mess, and it would probably take some strong bleach for the already drying stains to come out. My hands were sticky from the clean-up.

“You have to get used to it at some point Bella.” Alice pointed out, taking the napkin from me and throwing it into the trash can across the room with perfect precision. “And it’ll be safer here. There won’t be any humans like last time.”

I suppose she was right. The scent of the human last time threw me into an uncontrollable thirst. I would have been no better than the monsters that did this to me. I still couldn’t fathom hunting though. I was still horrified at what I’d done to that poor buck. Its sad cries as it struggled to move haunted me. I wondered what that pregnant doe thought as it ran for its life. I originally was going to go for the doe, but then I’d caught a glimpse of her expanding belly, the heaviness of new life hanging inside her. On one of our vacations to California, Charlie pointed out a sleek doe and a small fawn beside her. I must have been seven, or maybe eight at that time, and voiced my thoughts on how they looked like they belonged in _Bambi._ The memory sprung from a locked chest into my mind at that very moment, and I changed my direction to the buck.

Alice seemed to know what was on my mind. “That won’t happen again this time. We’ll be there with you.”

“Will Edward come?” I asked suddenly.

Alice raised an eyebrow, biting down on her lip. “Sure, if you’d like that. I doubt he’d say no to a mountain lion, or something predator-like.”

I felt Esme’s eyes on me, and I turned towards her. She was staring at me like she was trying to figure something out and it was just on the tip of her tongue. There was no malice in her gaze, only curiosity.

“Is something wrong?” I asked timidly.

She snapped out of it, her wide eyes blinking. “No, nothing’s wrong.” She assured me, smiling. She picked up her phone that was resting on the counter, stuffing it back into her pocket. Esme smiled softly at me before leaving the room.

“I’m just thinking.” She murmured to herself.

* * *

I decided to take a quick shower after Alice watched me down the rest of the blood bag. She convinced me to drink at least another half, and I obliged, wanting to rid myself of the throat burn. I turned up the water’s temperature, feeling the hot pulse of the water on my back. I leaned my head on the tiles, staring down at my feet in a daze as my thoughts rolled around in my mind.

I had somehow picked up duel cards of fortune. In one, I had become the victim of a grisly fate, cursed to walk the Earth year after year, century after century. I closed my eyes. I had been a vampire for what - three weeks now? Four? The time had already slowed to a crawl. I knew Alice was born in the 1900s, but what of the others? Had old were they truly? How had they managed to stay sane after all these years, drinking the blood of animals?

On the other hand, I knew I’d been lucky to have the care of the Cullen’s as I transitioned. Were it not for them, I might be living a terrifying life as a murderer of innocents and wondering what I had been turned into. The Cullen's had given me all the necessities and more.

I snapped out of it. The hot water pounding on my back was the only noise in the air. Along with the hissing steam. I stopped breathing.

If only I could just drop dead. My hair stuck to my face as I focused on not breathing. A pressure on my chest soon started to make me feel uneasy, but still, I pressed on. It was deeply uncomfortable. I could hold my breath for longer it felt, but the uneasiness started to get to me, and I took in a gulp of air, leaning against the tiled wall as the hot water continued to hit my torso from all angles, my breath coming out ragged.

A knock on the bathroom door got my attention. “Bella?” Alice called out. “You okay in there?”

“I’m fine.” I choked out, trying to smother the upcoming sobs.

“Alright.” She said, unsure. “Just call out if you need anything.”

I hummed a yes, knowing she would hear it over the pounding water. My body shook as I sank to the floor of the shower, sobs starting to rack my body. I didn’t care if the others heard me. Let them know I hated this life.

“Enough,” I cried, tugging at my tangled wet hair. “Enough of this.”

* * *

It was nearly dusk by the time I dried off and changed. My quick shower had ended up being a couple of hours. I glanced at my fingertips; no pruning. I scowled. Yet another thing I wasn’t able to do anymore. I threw my towel in a hamper by the bathroom door, striding across my room in my underwear and into my closet. I once might have been cautious about standing in a room with glass windows half-naked, but my sour mood was focused on other things. I decided on some plain jeans and a plain long-sleeved shirt, tugging on a thick white cardigan on top. I wasn’t feeling very fashionable today, and I was certain I’d hear about it from Alice.

I looked around my neat room once I threw my clothes on. Esme must have come up at some point and made the bed, dusting lightly around the furniture. Her scent still lingered around the room, the smell of citrus and pomegranates permeating the air.

The house seemed unusually quiet. Alice was often heard chatting up a storm with Esme or on the phone with Rosalie or Jasper. Esme was quieter, electing to watch a movie or reading. Edward seemed to play music twenty-four seven, and I was surprised at how eclectic his collection was. I would glance into his room through the half-closed door, glimpsing his lanky form sprawled over his black couch as he fiddled with an iPod and making notes in the margins of a paperback.

It was a strangely calm life they lived, reading and shopping and going to school every day. In my horror and imagination when I first woke up, I believed them to hunt every day, bringing down hordes of poor animals. The Cullen’s didn’t need to feed as much as I did, and Esme calmly explained that once I passed the newborn stage, I could get away with feeding every week or so, until my tolerance had been built up to theirs.

Carlisle was the standard to achieve. He could go a full month without having to feed, although he elects not to wait so long in between since he’s constantly surrounded by human blood. Esme said he’d never once fed on human blood, figuring out early on that he could live on animals. She hadn’t told me how old he was, however; maybe she knew it would have freaked me out.

I crept out of my room, glancing at Edward’s closed door. It seemed so strange that just a month ago we were ignoring each other completely, and now we lived in the same house, right down the hall from each other. I tip-toed down the stairs, calling out for Alice. I peeked into her room, raising an eyebrow at the mess of clothes everywhere. I didn’t want to intrude on her private space, however, and gently closed the door.

“Alice went to the post office.” A low voice behind me murmurs. I turn around to see Edward leaning on the wall. His lips quirked into a small smile, and I returned the gesture.

“Again?” I ask. Alice had been making frequent trips to the post office in the small town that was an hour away from us to pick up my new clothes and the family’s belongings.

“We have a lot of stuff.”

“I can see that,” I comment. Edward chuckles. “Don’t you guys have a storage locker or something?” I ask.

Edward raises an eyebrow, smirking. “With the way Alice shops, we have a few storage lockers. You’ll probably have your own in no time.” He laughed aloud when my eyes went wide with fear.

“Relax, it’ll take her some time to build you a collection that large.”

“I thought we had all the time in the world.”

Edward chuckles. He motions his head for me to follow him and we start down the stairs. I follow Edward like a lost puppy, trailing behind him as we walk past the main area into the entertainment room.

I’d been in here a couple of times to play some video games with Alice, but Edward had never accompanied us. He cited that he didn’t like being around Alice when she was violent. Edward sat on the brown leather couch, sinking into it as he patted his pockets, looking for something.

Edward held up a pack of cards. “Have you ever played speed?”

I walked over to him, and sat gingerly next to him on the couch, leaving room for the cards. “I think so. It seems familiar. Can you go through the rules just in case?”

“Of course.”

He ran through the basics of the game quickly, and I found myself losing myself in his voice. Edward could read the phone book and I would have sat there for hours, listening to the careful timber of his low voice. His careful and guarded ocher eyes met mine, questioning whether I was following. I nodded, remembering where I was. When I confirmed that I followed along, he set up the cards between us. I folded my legs underneath me so I could fully face him. In all truth, I wasn’t too interested in the game, but it felt like a nice distraction from my previous angst-filled thoughts just a couple of hours ago.

Edward slid me my share of the cards after he set up. “Only five cards can be in your hand at a time.”

“Got it.”

Edward was a quick player and quickly bested me. We played the game for a while, laughing as we tried to lay down our cards as quickly as we could. More often than not, Edward was the winner. Frustrated that I kept losing, I tried to slap my hand down on a double set just as Edward did, my hand slamming into his knuckles. He hissed at the hard force I brought down on his hand, pulling away quickly as the cards ripped.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” I cried. Edward shook his head.

“It’s alright,” He murmured, but I saw him sneakily massage the hand I wounded. I grimaced.

“Will it bruise?” I asked quietly.

Edward laughed, still massaging the spot where I hit him. “No, it won’t bruise.” He smirked. “It just hurts.”

I groaned while he snickered at my embarrassment. “Is it always going to be like this?”

“No. At least I hope not. I certainly won’t miss it when you lose the ability to hit me with brute strength.”

It was my turn to laugh, although it came out more nervous than anything. We sat in silence as we looked at the cards, not wanting to play any longer.

I couldn’t help it. My mind started to wander back to my grief, and the somewhat good mood I had just moments ago was slipping fast. My emotions were changing so rapidly, I could hardly keep track of them myself. From the corner of my eye, Edward gave me a strange look as his eyebrows furrowed. His lips quirked like he was just about to say something until I interrupted his thought process.

“How did you get over it?” I asked, my voice suddenly hoarse. I didn’t clarify what ‘it’ was, but I knew he would know what I was asking.

He threw the ripped cards onto the table, shuffling the other ones in his hands. He looked down at the cards as he shifted through his thoughts. I noticed that about him. Edward took his time when answering something as if he had to separate his own thoughts and feelings first before he spoke them. I wondered if he did it so he can know his own thoughts from the others.

“It took some time.” He answered finally. His low, honey-like voice filled the room like a melody. “I bonded strongly with Carlisle when I was first changed. He was the one to change me,” He murmured, his gold eyes flickering to me. I sat, enchanted by his tale. “The first year isn’t easy. There was so much to learn, and I was thirsty all the time. I was a terrible burden on Carlisle.” He smiled softly, remembering his adoptive father. “A lot of my grief fell away when Esme came into our lives though.”

“Esme wasn’t with Carlisle when you were changed?” I asked, surprised. It seemed like Esme and Carlisle had been together for eons by how deeply connected they were.

“Esme was changed in 1921. I regret it now, but I was very much against her joining Carlisle and me.”

“Why?”

“Well…I guess I’ve never liked change.” He answered simply. “Looking back, I think I was jealous as well. It used to be just Carlisle and I - us two against the world. One day, Carlisle brought home Esme, and she was suddenly the focus of Carlisle’s attention. I felt left in the dust – like he had a new broken toy to fix. Once I saw how they looked at each other, that their connection was something to behold rather than destroy is when I realized what they felt for one another. So I gave in.” He said, looking at the floor, still shuffling the cards slowly.

“Eventually,” He begins. “Esme helped me move on from my past. She became the mother I needed, I suppose.”

I nodded, feeling somewhat similar. “I really like Esme,” I whisper. Edward smiles softly.

“She likes you too.”

It was quiet. Edward quietly set up another round of speed, quickly dealing the cards. He threw in the ripped cards as well to have an even deck. For once, I managed to pull a win. He pushed the cards towards me, asking silently if I could shuffle. I took the cards, very gently shuffling them in order not to rip them any further. They wouldn’t be shuffled well under my care.

“Edward?” I said, not looking at him.

“Yes?”

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

I rolled my eyes. “How long have you been seventeen?”

“A while,” He smirked, his smile growing as he saw how his answer grated my nerves.

“Okay, when were you changed?”

“I was changed in 1918.”

The same year as Alice. Edward had been living since the turn of the century. “What happened?” I asked quietly.

“My family caught the Spanish Influenza. My father caught it first. He died about two weeks before my mother and I caught it as well. That’s how I met Carlisle. He was the doctor taking care of us at the time.”

“That must have been awful. I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. It’s embarrassing to say I died of the flu, however.” I choked out a laugh as Edward smiled ruefully.

“I thought I had the flu when I woke up,” I confessed. Edward nods thoughtfully.

“I can see how you might think that.”

“What did you think? When you first woke up I mean?”

“Well, I remember being confused, but that’s standard anyhow.” Edward started, leaning back on the couch as he searched for words. He ran a hand through his eternally messy hair. He was so careful in voicing his thoughts as if he was afraid they would be lost in everything else he hears and sees. “I remember hearing Carlisle when I woke up, but I didn’t realize that I was hearing his thoughts. I thought he narrated every single action or thought that popped into his head.”

“When did you realize that you could…?” I could barely say the words. Edward smirked.

“That I could read minds?”

I nodded vigorously, becoming wrapped up in his tale. Edward chuckled, motioning for me to pass him the cards. I didn’t seem to be doing a very good job. He shuffled the cards languidly. “Once the confusion dissipated, I realized that I could see through Carlisle’s eyes. I saw what I looked like to Carlisle. I looked like a scared little boy with blood all over his hands.” He said quietly.

“You don’t seem like the type to get scared,” I whispered. Edward turned to me, and a flicker of compassion sparked in his eye.

“I hide it well,” He confessed.

“You do,” I agreed quietly. Edward handed me the cards to set up, and we sat in silence. “I hope I didn’t ask you anything too personal,” I murmured, finishing up the setup. He shook his head, taking his stack of cards from my hand.

“No, you didn’t, but now you have to tell me something about yourself.”

I scoffed. “What’s there to know?”

Edward’s eyebrows furrowed. “There must be something. Believe it or not, you’re not the bore I thought you were.” He smirked as I scowled.

“Well,” I started, still a little peeved. “You already know the basics. Parents got divorced when I was a baby; I moved around a lot, I went to Forks to be with my dad.”

“Do you regret moving to Forks?” He asks suddenly.

I sat still, thinking it over. “I think…I’m glad to have spent the time I had left with Charlie,” I said. It was a very diplomatic answer and barely answered the question. Edward looked at me knowingly. He claimed to not be able to read my mind, but it was like he knew my innermost thoughts anyways.

“Why did you all come to Forks?” I asked.

Edward laughed as we started to play the game, not paying attention to the cards much anymore. “It’s a cold, rainy, small town with low sunshine. It was the perfect match for us.”

“Where else have you all lived?” I ask quietly.

“Rochester, London, some swamp deep in Louisiana, a small town in Maine, near Gatlinburg. There have been countless others, but those stand out in the mind. I’ll go to Chicago once in a while by myself when I need a break from the others.” He gave a small laugh.

“What’s in Chicago?”

“That’s where I’m originally from.” He smiled, winning the game at that moment.

“Really? I’ve always wanted to visit. Charlie wanted to go and see the Cubs play.” I commented.

“You’ve never gone?”

“I’ve never gone past Denver.”

“We’ll have to take you one day,” Edward said. “It’s nicer now than when I grew up, but it’s nosier. And they never shut any of the lights off. There are so many 7-Eleven’s.” He grumbled. I giggled at his sudden grumpiness, taking the cards from his outstretched hands.

A movement catches my eye as I’m laughing and starting to set up the cards. I accidentally drop half of the deck onto the carpet as I see Esme’s frame in the doorway, her face surprised. She glances at the two of us together and smiles to herself before she walks away.

I look on at Esme’s retreating figure as Edward reaches for the cards and finishes setting up the next game.


	11. Window to the Past

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

Dusk turned into the cool black of night, transforming into the soft pink beginnings of dawn.

I trailed behind Esme as she led the way deep into the Alaskan woods. She led us up a steep path, and I struggled to find even footing. The dirt was slightly wet, sticking to the soles of my new boots. The boots slightly pinched my toes, and I grimaced at the uncomfortable feeling of the leather pressing down. Even though the cold no longer affected me, I dressed warmly in a thick, cobalt blue sweater and khaki trousers. I was still fighting off the cold shivers running through my icy body. I looked at the ground religiously; unfamiliar terrain often made me trip more, even though I hardly tripped at all anymore.

“You know you’re not clumsy anymore, right?” Alice called out from behind me.

I whipped my head around, glaring at her as she laughed lightly. “I’m just being cautious.”

Alice giggled lightly, easily overstepping a large gnarled tree root in her path. Alice always looked as if she was dancing on the wind, her lithe figure spinning in pirouettes throughout the universe.

“So, where are we in Alaska anyway?” It seemed to have slipped my mind when we first drove up here to ask where we were going to be living. Alice laughed even more.

“You didn’t think to ask?” She teased.

I rolled my eyes, being careful not to trip over a small boulder in my way. “I was kind of preoccupied.”

“Our house is near the edge of McKinley Park,” Esme explained, stopping in our path. I nearly crashed into her, my new reflexes saving us from tumbling down the path. “We’re just on the border of Denali National Park.”

“So _lots_ of hunting opportunities for you,” Alice said. I grimaced, trying to keep my anxiety at bay.

They seemed determined to wean me off the IV bags for good. While I was eager myself, it was hard to know that my meals would be coming from living animals from now on. I had to admit to myself though that my first hunt when the blood rushed down my throat – it felt _right_. It was thick and warm, like a smooth soup on a cold winter day. Throwing back blood kept in a still bag was difficult after that, and Carlisle realized that while his idea worked in the beginning, it would never replace drinking blood from the source.

“Are you nervous, Bella?” Esme murmurs, stroking my arm. I nod my head, not having the courage to look her in the eye.

“I don’t want to hurt another animal again,” I whispered, my voice a bare trace on the back of the wind blowing through. The image of the shivering buck struggling to move haunted me. “I mean, I understand I’ll _have_ to, just not…”

“Not needlessly you mean,” Alice interjects. I nod tersely.

“You won’t,” Esme says, gripping my hands tight. “We’ll be here to guide you.” She says, her voice confident. She brings her left hand to my cheek, and I feel my tension melt under her touch.

Alice comes behind me, resting her hand on my shoulder blade. “You have us now, Bella.” She murmurs softly. I look her in the eye, her golden irises dilating. “I know things hurt now, but fate will lead you to a better future.”

“A better future,” I whisper, entranced by her words. She smiles at me, genuinely. I return it, feeling some of the grief lift away from me, like excess marble being chipped away from a statue.

I felt certainly lighter, even though my past still loomed in my mind. Alice had been right; Alaska was good for me. While I desperately missed the warm sunshine of Phoenix and even the rainy dreariness of Forks, Alaska was a mix of both. While the sun wasn’t as bright here, or out for long, it was a familiar friend to me. I’d been spending my mornings in front of the glass walls, longing to feel its warm rays on my face. I almost moaned when I saw it this morning, that shimmering orange waving across the sky. 

The company had gotten better as well. I had become closer to Esme, and I enjoyed spending time with her easy company. Alice was Alice; bubbly and excited all the time, and she always wanted to do something together, which is something I hadn’t experienced much of as a human. I had learned not to say no, and soon I always found myself giggling along with her.

It felt very strange.

I’d never been close enough with anyone back in Phoenix to be invited to their house and sleep over. At the time, I would shrug it off and cite that I needed to study anyways. What was it to me if they didn’t’ care for my company? I _think_ I remember feeling a slight sting whenever I was continually ignored, but I can’t recall if that was real, or if I’m just imagining it now. Being with Alice was fun and light, and I bit my lip hard to keep the smile from overtaking my face. I was starting to make a real friend.

It wasn’t just Alice and Esme I was getting close to. To my surprise, I had actually been enjoying Edward’s company as well. When he first suggested to starting over, I thought he just wanted to put our past differences beside us, and ignore me without feeling guilty. He seemed to actually be putting effort into our new found – _tentative –_ friendship. While I didn’t spend as much time with him as I did with Alice or Esme – he was usually holed up in his room listening to some variety of music - we weren’t as awkward around each other anymore. I still thought he was uptight, but that may be due to his upbringing in a repressive society rather than him thinking he was better than me.

As we walked on further up the path, Esme rests her icy hand on my shoulder. “Bella?”

“Hmm,” I respond, blinking as I come out of my hazy thoughts.

“Would it be alright if I gave you some advice?”

“Sure,” I say hesitantly, carefully maneuvering around some mangled roots.

“I think…” Esme starts, mulling over her words. “Please don’t be offended, but I think you’re not letting yourself relax when you feed.”

“Relax?” I blink and come to a stop. “How can I relax?”

“I realize that it takes some time to adjust, especially as a newborn, but at some point, you have to get used to it. It takes time to get used to, but you can get there.”

“When I feed, I let my subconscious take over.” Alice interrupted. “The part of us that _needs_ blood is a much better pilot than our free will.”

I purse my lips, knowing she was right. While I was feeding better than I was those disastrous few days, I still cringed at the thought of it. Esme smiles softly, pushing back some of the long hair that moved into my face. Alice looks between us, her amber eyes blinking rapidly.

“It’s just…” I start to say but stop, shaking my head.

“You can say it.” Esme murmurs.

“It’s so hard to drink. I want it, and I really do want it, but everything about it horrifies me. It’s like my mind tells me _NO._ Sometimes I feel like I physically can’t drink it – like I might vomit it back up. Is this what you mean Alice? Subconscious and free will fighting each other?” I mutter.

“You already have astounding control for a newborn,” Alice muses, sitting gingerly on a small boulder by us. She crosses her leg, tapping her foot to some invisible rhythm that only Alice can hear. “You feed less than a typical newborn would. Maybe this is your power.”

“You think I actually have a power?” It seemed unlikely to me that I would end up with some type of ability. It was a little lame that any power I did end up with was just not feeding as much as the standard newborn vampire.

“Sure I do. This could be a great boon to you Bella.” Alice raises an eyebrow, crossing her arms. “If we make the correct observations, and plan it right, you could age out of being a newborn fairly quick.”

“And what’s the average timespan of being a newborn?” I ask.

“Usually a year, year and a half,” Esme says. I brighten at that, but Esme’s frown dampens the news. “I wouldn’t get too excited, however, it does depend on the vampire as well. Emmett took two and a half years to age out of the newborn stage.”

“Hmm,” My lips purse at that. It seemed like whenever I had a solid answer, the waters would get muddied again. The Cullen’s were basing most of their observations off of historical evidence, but it seemed I threw them off.

We grew quiet, continuing to walk on. My ears perked up and I swung my head to the right as I breathed in a sudden scent. All I saw were the dark brown of tree trunks and the crystal white snow, but I sensed something lurking. It seemed small – there wasn’t a large odor like there was when Emmett sensed a bear during my first hunt. Animals have their own distinctive smells, Emmett told me. Predators tended to smell like raw meat, at the least like their last meal while smaller prey and predators weren’t as offensive in their scents. Deer smelled like musk and whatever leaves they had been chewing on. The animal lurking near me smelled slightly sweet; had they eaten some early blooms?

“What do you think it is?” Alice quizzed.

My nose twitched again, trying to process the scent. “Could it…is it a hare?” I asked.

“Ding ding!” Alice hurrahed as Esme chuckled. “Go on then, and remember, _relax._ ” She stressed. I set off in the direction, stepping as lightly as I could, trying to be mindful of the environment. Esme and Alice fanned out behind me, following me slowly at different angles as I walked closer to the creature. I followed the light crunch of leaves in front of me, trying my hardest to be silent like the others. Unfortunately, I still had a heavy gait, especially in these boots. I could tell I was getting close to the hare, however. Thick venom started to pool into my mouth. The hare didn’t seem to be aware of its surroundings; otherwise, it might have heard even my overly loud steps and the ominous crunch of leaves and snow behind it. I finally spotted the hare a little away from me, chewing on some flower buds from the bush in front of it, completely unaware of my presence. It was fat and seemed young and healthy enough. Looking at it, I wanted to run away in fear and shriek before putting its small neck in my mouth.

“You are so close, Bella,” Esme whispered, her voice barely registering in the back of my mind. I closed my eyes and tried to will my strength over my thirst. _You can block it. You don’t need the blood. You don’t have to drink._ Being so close to a living creature was wrecking my willpower quickly though. My throat started its usual nasty burn, flaring so badly that I almost gagged on the power of it. I swallowed back my tongue, swaying on the spot.

I could feel Alice and Esme watching me intensely, their tension building in parallel to my own. I thought of the buck I killed, the light going out of its dark black eyes as it slowly died. I swallowed hard, gritting my teeth. I pushed my hesitation to the side and lunged after the hare. I caught its foot, and the hare panicked in my grasp. Its sudden panic caught me off guard, and I dug my nails further into the hare’s foot, tearing off some of its paw. The young hare ran in a panic, scurrying away into the bushes as it limped pathetically.

I stared after it in shock, realizing slowly how I had let it go. Creeping footsteps behind me approached carefully. Esme helped me up, dusting some dirt off my shoulder.

“Damn it,” I whispered, taking a look at my bloodied hand. I lifted up my hand to the sunlight streaming from behind the treetops. The blood was bright red and left a slick sheen on my fingers as it raced down my hand and wrist. I carefully brought it to my lips, and the scent drove my senses wild. I took a careful lick on my index finger, reveling in the taste. Before I knew it, my hand was clean of any trace of blood.

“It’s alright,” Esme said.

“Why don’t we try to find another one?” Alice suggested lightly.

“Sure,” I said blankly. I didn’t bother to protest this time. In fact, there was nothing to protest, I realized finally. This was the way the world turned now. I would simply have to kill, and kill again, and again, and again. I turned to Esme, who gave me a questioning look.

“Shall we?” I asked. Esme raised an eyebrow at me.

“Alright,” She murmured in agreeance. We walked in silence back to the trail, our feet leaving footprints in the light snow that barely covered the ground. Alice has a skip in her step as she leads the way back, artfully dodging a covered boulder that I most certainly would have tripped over if I was human. I lightly sidestep it.

When we get back to the trail, Alice takes in a deep breath as she closes her eyes, and sighs dramatically. “Ah, I love the fresh mountain air.” We start to climb up further as Alice prattles on about something. I’m only half listening to her. Esme keeps a polite, half-interested face as she nods absentmindedly.

Another scent wafted towards us, this time coming from the west. We all stopped, frozen in our tracks. Alice and Esme turn towards me expectantly. There was no need in commanding me to go after it – I already knew. I squared my shoulders back, not entirely ready to kill yet again. Esme stopped me by my shoulders, and she forced me to look her in the eye.

“You didn’t give in last time.” It wasn’t accusing, but her remark still stung some.

“No,” I admitted. “I didn’t.”

“Try.”

“And if it doesn’t work?”

“It will.” Esme insisted. “I swear it will.” She said solemnly. “You’re ready, Bella. You are more than capable.”

I pursed my lips as the smell became stronger. My legs moved of their own accord, and I could practically taste the air. The animal chittered nearby, and I instinctively moved in that direction. Alice and Esme followed at a distance, keeping quiet as they watched. Another hare, this one a little older than the last, chewed on bush leaves obliviously, completely blind to the danger behind it. This time I didn’t overthink my actions or gave the animal any leeway. I lunged from behind it, easily grabbing it and snapping the neck.

Its blood was rushing down my throat in seconds.

* * *

** EDWARD **

I frowned as I stood in place, listening to the forest as I followed my family’s scent up the trailhead. I had been ready to join them when they were leaving but Alice had managed to find some imaginary problem that needed my attention ‘immediately’. I grumbled as the crows cawed loudly to each other across the treetops. Knowing my luck, Alice probably scared all of the decent tasting animals in the vicinity away into the far surrounding forest.

It probably wasn’t just Alice though. I hated to think it, but Bella still had a hard time controlling her footsteps and rapid walk and was the more likely culprit of scaring away the animals. I could hear her thump loudly around the house as I lay still on my couch. The image of Bella trying her best to control her feet made me chuckle. She would stick her hands out to the side when she was trying to tip-toe around as if she was on a balance beam. Some things never change.

I followed the girls’ scents: Esme’s musky citrus and pomegranates, Bella’s sweet freesia and strawberry smell, and Alice’s sticky-sweet vanilla. The scent was starting to fade; they had made some real progress on the trail while I was stuck figuring out the logistics of the final move up to our Alaskan house. I caught no whiff of an animal nearby, nor any wandering humans. I sighed in relief; at least we wouldn’t have any repeat incidents. Bella was already so skittish.

I could have run to the others at vampire speed, but I was strangely content at climbing the trail at a brisk human pace. I hadn’t been alone with my own thoughts for some time other than my brief morning walks around the property, and even then I could hear Esme and Alice on the edge of my thoughts.

Of course, everyone’s foremost thoughts were always on Bella. While she seems to have finally accepted her fate as a vampire, she was still struggling dearly. It was hard to watch – and hear – those days. Her struggle with acceptance was comparable to Rosalie’s first year – it had been a long time since we helped a newborn get through their change. Rosalie had been angrier - _much_ angrier than Bella -and constantly tried to pick a fight with either Carlisle or myself and refusing to feed. Bella was mostly full of grief. On the days when she couldn’t bother to leave her room, she’d spend the day lying still on her bed, her eyes staring at the floor lifelessly or in the shower sobbing. Her sobs were heartbreaking – they were the type of desolate tears that came from a person robbed of all hope. Her wails would echo through her bathroom and the house. Once, I ran downstairs because I couldn’t quite handle listening to Bella’s grief anymore, and found Esme sitting on the edge of the couch, and clutching her chest as she looked at me in pain as we listened to the distant wails. Esme had already become dearly attached to Bella. _I don’t know how to help her Edward,_ Esme thought tearfully. _I don’t know how to protect her when the worst has already happened._

After that day, Alice had started her plan of keeping Bella’s mind distracted and had so far done a far better job than anyone else could have. They had watched movies, played video games and cards, and destroyed Emmett’s property. Sometimes, Bella would sit near me while I read and pulled out a book of her own, sending me a shy smile as she tried to settle in, a sign that we were still friendly. She was a quiet companion; it felt nice to sit next to her in peace without overthinking her close presence for once.

An owl hooting stopped me in my tracks as I sniffed the air. A deep inhale told me that the owl recently had a baby rabbit for lunch, and was currently picking off the bones. A sudden snap from my left caught my attention, and I crouched behind the large tree in front of me, scanning my surroundings. The sweet scent of freesia wafted towards me from where the snap had occurred. _Bella._

Had she suddenly managed to silence her footsteps? With how noisy Alice was as a teacher, I had serious doubts about her sudden ability to walk quietly. A young hare popped out of the bush, looking for a predator, and I understood where the scent had come from then. The hare’s foot was bleeding profusely, and the wound carried just the barest hint of Bella. She must have accidentally let the animal escape. In seconds, I snatched the hare and snapped its neck, watching the life drain out of its eyes. Standing there, with a dead hare in my hands, I wondered what I was doing.

_Why did I kill this animal? I don’t even like hare,_ I thought. I eyed my surroundings warily before setting back on the trail. I was near the top anyway, and I could hand Bella the dead animal whenever I saw her then. _What a nice gentlemanly gift._

_Hurry up, Edward!_ Alice called, breaking into my thoughts soon after I started walking again. I recognized that the clearing was close, and I started to walk faster. A hint of iron filled the air, and I sniffed. The scent wasn’t nearly as powerful as fresh blood from a human would be, nor from a large predator. It also wasn’t as fresh as the kill in my hands. Bella must have managed to kill some small creature. Another hare from my guess.

Breaking from the trees, I stood at the edge of the clearing. Tall pines covered the landscape of the entire valley. In the distance, snow-capped mountains loomed over our presence. Everything was still, and if I closed my eyes and strained my ears, I could hear the creek slowly bubbling with life a mile away. In the summertime, this clearing would bloom with wildflowers. Everything from thimbleberries, bluebells, and Alaskan blueberries would bloom. The clearing was currently covered with a thin layer of fresh snow, untouched except for the light footprints of Esme and Alice, followed by Bella’s heavy prints.

Bella stood at the far right of the clearing, right at the edge where the valley started to drop into a steep slope. She looked down towards the valley, gazing at the snow-covered pines and boulders. Her fingers were stained with blood, and various patches of dirt covered her pants. The bright cobalt sweater she wore stood out against the pure white of the snow, and she shivered lightly. Her thick hair fell softly in curls. The barest hint of auburn shone when the sunlight hit her hair. My free hand started to tap on my leg unconsciously as if I had to control myself from not running towards Bella and sinking my fingers into the thick brown silk hanging between her shoulders. A shiver ran down my spine as I thought more about it. I imagined Bella leaning into my touch, resting her head on my shoulder as I ran my fingers through her hair, satisfied as she sighed deeply and closed her eyes.

A strange sense of déjà vu came over me as my impure thoughts ran amuck. I had seen this before. This very scene, but I couldn’t for the life of me understand where. Was it a feeling? The scenery? Maybe I was confusing this moment with Esme or Rosalie at the edge of the clearing, years ago when we last lived here. A loud owl – the same one from earlier – hooted from behind me, filling the silence of the woods. Bella turned to face the sound, her blood-red eyes looking for the source. Her gaze settled on me, and my breath hitched.

Something in me stirred.

I swallowed hard as we stared at each other from across the clearing. I almost dropped the dead hare from my hand; I didn’t want to be seen with it at that moment. Something in that moment changed – whether some old crone cut my life string, or weaved a thread of mine into the tapestry of fate – I felt as if I were a different man.

Alice appeared in my line of sight near the left edge of the clearing. Through her eyes, I saw myself; covered in dirt and wet from the snow, frozen in place. Blood from the hare’s wound dripped down my hand and onto the forest floor. Time felt so slow, and I swore I could feel the vibration of the dripping blood hitting the snow, the bright crimson of the blood splashing magnificently with the pure white of the snow. _Drip, drip, drip._

Alice’s hard gaze terrified me. Had she known that something significant was going to happen? I tried to rifle through her thoughts, digging deep into her subconscious for a clue but I came up with nothing. Alice still stared at me, her small frame still as the wind blew at her back. Her short hair danced in the wind as her gaze softened.

“Alice,” I whispered.

_What’s happened, Edward?_

I mouthed ‘I don’t know’. I looked back at Bella, to see her face contorting in confusion. She called out to me but her voice was lost in the furious wind that swept through the mountain valley at that moment. Her hair whipped behind her as she started to walk closer to me. In my stupor, I started towards her, willing to meet her halfway. Esme watched from where Bella stood, her dark eyebrows furrowing. _Edward? Has something happened?_

Bella was near me, her sharp inquisitive eyes taking in my haggard appearance. Through Alice and Esme’s minds, I could see that I looked like a man starved as I woodenly moved towards salvation.

“Edward?” Bella said softly, looking up at me from where we stopped. The wind started to die down, but Bella’s dark hair still flew around her shoulders. Concern was embedded deep into her scarlet eyes. Blood stained her full lips unevenly, and a small droplet stained her cheek. I controlled my hand from reaching out to brush it off. I swallowed hard, venom rushing into my mouth as I tried to find the words to speak. “Is something wrong?” She whispered, her low voice was lyrical and echoed in the empty mountain space. We were tens of thousands of feet above sea level but I found myself wanting to drown in the ocean that was her voice.

I wanted to drown in her.

“N-nothing. Nothing’s wrong.” I said, swallowing again. A dark eyebrow quirked slightly. I could tell she was about to grill me, so I quickly held up the dead hare limp in my hands. Her eyes widened at the sight. “You forgot this, however.”

“Is that t-the same-” She stammered.

“Your scent was on its wound.” I murmured, handing over the poor animal to her. Her wide eyes glazed over as she tried to take in what I just gave her.

“Edward, the poor animal has been half-drained already! You left a trail!” Alice groused, coming up behind me. She gives me a knowing look before turning to Bella and grinning. “Boys. They do the same half-ass jobs even as vampires.” She cackled. Bella smiled uncomfortably, and Esme chuckled some as she came behind Bella, resting her hand on Bella’s shoulder.

“Don’t be so mean to Edward, Alice.” Esme scolded lightly. “It’s the thought that counts.”

“I’m sorry,” I murmured to Bella. “I should have been more careful with it.” The blood from the hare leaked into Bella’s hands, dripping down into the arms of her sweater, and I grimaced at my actions. “I can kick it somewhere if you don’t want it.”

Bella chuckled darkly, looking at the creature. “And waste whatever blood is left? If it saves another animal from being slaughtered, I’ll drink it. I’d rather not see a dead animal be punted down the mountain.” With that, she put her mouth on the wound and started to suck furiously. Bella hunched over slightly, focused on her meal. We all stood to watch over her protectively, keeping a lookout for anything that may disturb her while she feeds. I swallowed hard again, closing my eyes and tried to think of what just happened to me. Even when feeding, Bella looked so…indescribable. Esme caught my eye, raising an eyebrow at my strange behavior. She glanced at Bella, and then back to my distracted eye.

She thankfully said nothing of it, and gently laid a hand on Bella’s back as she finished the hare. A small bead of blood dripped down her mouth, rolling onto her small chin and down her neck. She swallowed hard as Alice gently took the animal from her hands and closed her eyes, her dark eyelashes sitting gently on her cheek. Esme further embraced Bella, and Bella opened her eyes and turned towards her, leaning into her touch.

“Have you been sated, Bella? Or should we try for something a little bigger?” Esme murmured. Bella’s eyes turned downwards, rubbing away the blood in the snow where she stood. She glanced upwards at me, and her crimson red eyes looked so sorrowful.

She turned back to Esme. “I’m still a little thirsty.” She said, her voice full of regret. At least she wasn’t trying to hide her thirst any more and knew how important it was that she be sated.

Esme pressed her lips together in a sad smile. “Of course.”

“Why don’t we head west?” Alice chipped in. “There’s usually a pack of elk running around, we could take one down and share it if you’re too full Bella.”

“Okay,” Bella muttered. Esme took Bella’s hand and they started going across the clearing again, Esme pointing out the important landmarks of the area. They started to head down the valley side carefully, the tops of their heads disappearing from view.

“Are you two coming?” Esme called out to Alice and me.

“We’re coming! Just disposing of the hare!” Alice called out. I saw her throw the creature back into the woods, and the sudden hoot and wing fluttering of an owl. Alice turned to me, her face serious.

“What was that Edward?” She questioned me.

“Not here,” I whispered. Alice stared at me and then scoffed. She shook her head in disbelief at me. “What, Alice?” I growled.

“Something happened just now when you came into this meadow – something _life-changing_ , Edward. I felt it just as much as you did. Esme saw it, Bella saw it. You’re really not going to talk to me?” Alice said, her small face stricken. _You tell me everything Edward._

“You’re telling me you didn’t see it already?” I asked, exasperated. She said nothing, looking down. “That’s what I thought.” I relaxed my tense stance. I brought my hand up to my hair and ran it through. “I’ll tell you at home Alice. I can’t do it out here, not when we’re so exposed.”

“And you’d rather do it at the house when we’re even more trapped in?” Alice breathed out a laugh. I bit down on my lip, and Alice became more sympathetic. “I’m sorry. I know it takes you a while to come out with what you want to say. I’ll wait.”

I nodded my head. Alice took me by my elbow and started us across the clearing. My mind raced with everything that had just happened. Alice, impatient with my speed and dragging feet, let go of me and bounded down after Esme and Bella, yelling after them to wait for her as she skipped past fallen logs.

I reached the edge of the clearing, looking down at the valley below. Alice was making her way down to Esme and Bella, who looked up in amusement as they stood near a small snow-covered tree. Esme laughed gleefully as Alice complained about ruining her shoes in the snow. Bella smiled warmly as Alice dramatically flopped down onto the ground, her arms flailing wildly. Bella looked up at me from where I stood at the edge. We stared at each other for a moment as Esme helped Alice get her bearings together. Even from such a distance, I could make out Bella’s features, and the sadness in her eyes. I stuffed my hands in my pockets, and she mirrored me. She smiled at me timidly, and I returned it.

“Edward! Get your ass down here!” Alice yelled, waving her hands at me to hurry up. Esme smiled at me tenderly, agreeing with her hyper daughter. I nodded, letting them know I was behind them.

“Go on; I’ll catch up with you.”

Alice groaned. “Come on guys, he’s going to take forever.” She grumbled, marching further on. Bella and Esme turned to follow, but Bella glanced back at me. Her straight face revealed nothing to me. She turned back around, jogging slightly to keep up with Alice and Esme as they all marched onwards.

I breathed in deeply, looking up at the sky. The sun hid behind a light cover of clouds. I needed to get moving before Alice climbed back and shoved me down. I set off slowly, watching in front of me in case of any slick spots. I noticed a heavy set of footprints with an uneven walking pattern, next to two even and light footprints. It must have been Bella’s. I laughed slightly at the clumsy pattern as I crossed over the even footprints to walk next to the heavy ones. I walked on then, picking up the pace as I heard Alice cheer about something in the distance, and occasionally glanced at Bella’s footprints as I walked next to them.

Side-by-side.


	12. A Heart, Closing

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** EDWARD **

_ugh._

The baseball I had been throwing up and down for the past hour hit me in the face, straight on the nose. I flinched from my stupid mistake and tried to blindly feel for the ball on the floor of my bedroom, taking out an earbud and holding my iPod carefully. I sighed as I didn’t immediately feel it; I had no desire to get up from my position on my couch. I could feel the light vibration of Alice’s dainty footsteps down the hall, and my door whined slightly as she opened the door to my room. She grinned at me as she saw me looking for my baseball, crossing over to the vinyl shelf and picking it up for me.

She tossed the ball between her hands as she looked at me mischievously. I rolled my eyes.

“Spit it out, Alice.” 

Alice huffed. “You’re such a jerk, Edward.” She threw the ball at my head, but my reflexes were excellent and caught it easily. I laughed as she grumbled, moving my outstretched legs for her to sit down. She sat down gingerly, looking around my room curiously. While she was distracted, I propped up my feet on Alice’s lap and chuckled as she made a noise of disgust.

“God, Edward! You are such a boy.” She complained. I laughed, throwing my baseball in the air again. She stared at me while I amused myself.

“Can I help you, Alice?” I asked.

“Bella and Esme are out hunting.” She said innocently. I sighed.

“For how long?”

“We have a couple of hours before they get back. Esme wants to build up Bella’s confidence so she can take down a deer on her own.” Bella was still skittish about taking down larger animals. Alice and Esme had helped her take down an elk the other day because Bella had lost her confidence in it.

“What do you suppose we do?” I skirt around the subject that Alice has been dying to grill me about.

Alice rolled her eyes dramatically. “I think you know Edward. Tell me about the other day.”

“What’s there to know?” I mutter.

“Edward,” Alice warned. “Don’t shut me out.”

“Alice, stop pretending like you don’t know everything.” I grit out.

Alice gaped at me, hurt. I regretted how harsh it sounded, but it needed to be said. Alice always loved to play the soothsayer. It never used to bother me before, but I felt as if I were at a crossroads – and she was the broken sign swinging from its post. I sighed, bringing my arms up to hide my face.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my words were muffled by my arms.

“I know that something significant happened for you Edward, that’s true.” Alice murmured, picking at her sleeve. “And I _know_ it has something to do with Bella, but I won’t pretend to know your true feelings about it. The future keeps changing.”

We sat in silence then, Alice’s tiny legs shaking under my feet. I removed my arms from my face, folding them under my head as I stared up at the ceiling. 

“Why is it so hard to talk about it?” I mumbled, finally breaking the silence. Alice glanced at me, her bright golden eyes flickering. She twiddled with her wedding band - I hadn’t noticed that she had put it back on her finger. She usually kept the gold ring on a long thin chain, tucked underneath whatever shirt she was wearing so it wouldn’t look strange at school. 

“Possibly because you’ve never felt like this before?” Alice suggested softly. She explained further when I looked puzzled. 

“Is it bad that it feels wrong?” I admit. 

“Why does it feel wrong?”

“...she just lost her entire _life,_ Alice. Her father, her mother, her humanity - all because of us.”

Alice took my hand fiercely. “We had _nothing_ to do with her change, Edward.”

I look outside the window then, as tufts of snow started to waft down. The pure white of the land outside was blinding and glistened as the dimming sunlight shone on it. “We could have let her die.” I murmur. 

“We could have,” Alice said slowly. “Or... _you_ could have. But you didn’t let that happen.” 

Resting my hand on my cheek, I looked back at Alice. She looked kindly at me, waiting for my answer whenever it would come. She stroked my hand gently and played with my fingers as a younger sister would.

“Did I love her even then?” I ask quietly. Alice smiles, pleased to hear me finally say it.

“I think you might have cared for her and were fascinated by her. Love? I’d have to ask Jasper.” She said lightly. Another vague answer, intended for me to do more soul searching. 

“Why did it feel so sudden? How did one look turn into such a wave of feeling?” I asked desperately. “I gazed at her and somehow, everything just made sense for once,” I add softly. 

Alice squeezed my hand. “I think that was the moment you _realized_ you were in love, Edward.” 

“No warning sign?” I grumble. She laughed. 

“There’s never a warning sign. Can I show you something?” I nodded, curious. Alice sat a little straighter, and her face brightened. Knowing I would see it, she brought up an old memory - before she and Jasper joined the family. Jasper, with his blonde hair, combed back and gelled, sitting on top of shiny blue Cadillac and a cigarette in his mouth to look normal. The shearling jacket he wore had mud on it. They were at a drive-in theater, and Alice was carrying a small tub of popcorn back to the car. 

“What are you showing me?” I ask. Her eyes rolled to me and a smile pulled at her lips. 

“The moment I realized I was in love.” 

“You’ve never shown me this before.” 

“I do like to keep some things to myself,” She grinned. “If Jasper was here, he could project what I was feeling to you. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel so confused.” 

“And was it as sudden for you too?” 

“Yes. One moment, I was just carrying some popcorn for us, so the scent would distract him while we were surrounded. The next, I took one look at him as he sat there...and I knew. This sudden epiphany had just washed over me like a tide. I had known for years that he was my mate, but nothing prepares you for when you _know,_ Edward.” She said softly. “I wish I could put it into better words for you.” 

“Thank you, Alice,” I say, sincerely. It was nice to know that sometimes Alice didn’t have every answer at the ready.

“Of course.” It’s quiet for a few moments before Alice ruins the moment. 

“So when are you making your move?” 

I stare at her, incredulous. “I’m not making a single move.” 

Alice’s exciting gleam turns icy. “Edward! You just admitted that you love her!” 

I sit up straight, swinging my feet off her lap. “Alice,” I warned. “You know the burden that she’s carrying right now. She has to grieve.” 

Alice closed her eyes, a slight pout fighting to form on her face. “I know,” she says. “I’m just excited, that’s all. You’ve been alone all this time, and now you’re on the edge of that cliff we’ve all fallen off of. You just have to jump.” She opens her eyes, a glaze that made her appear on the edge of tears. “I want so much for you to be happy, Edward. And it’s here,” She rasps. “It’s here and I don’t want you to have to wait any longer.” 

I swallow painfully at that, feeling the burn of my low thirst at the back of my throat. If I could swallow these early feelings of infatuation, I would. She was only just starting to see past her grief, how could I be so selfish? 

“I have to wait.” I manage to say. Alice only stares at me. I knew she disapproved by the straight line of her lips but thankfully she said nothing. The front door of the house creaked suddenly, and we both sat up in surprise. Esme’s sweet voice wandered into my mind, and I could see a harried-looking Bella wipe her boots off aggressively on the carpet.

“They’re home early,” Alice murmured.

“It doesn’t seem like anything went wrong,” I said quietly.

_There were hikers starting to make their way into the park,_ Esme thought, knowing we’d be curious as to their early arrival. _I didn’t want to take the chance._

“Good call,” I murmured, knowing Esme would hear. Alice lifted an eyebrow, waiting for an explanation. I quickly relayed what Esme picked up on, and Alice frowned. “Did she smell them,” I asked Alice.

Alice sat quietly for a moment, searching. Her gaze clouded over as she stared at the floor. Little whorls of dust flew by as I waited for her to make sense of the vision. From what I could tell, Bella had been too focused on her meal to smell the humans on the other side of McKinley. The hikers were too busy arguing over the trails to take. Their indecision may have saved their lives.

Alice’s gaze comes back to the present, blinking hard from the vision. “I’ll have to keep an eye on them,” She muttered, shaking her head. “I may have to go out and create a diversion if they pick a certain trail.”

“Would she have gone after them?” I ask. I kept my voice down, hoping that Bella wasn’t listening. A quick listen to Esme showed me that Bella was wiping down her boots carefully in the mudroom, making sure to get out any mud hidden in the crevices of her thick shoes. _Oh bless, she really is so sweet,_ Esme thought lovingly. Esme thought the world of her new daughter, planning on remodeling guest rooms in our other estates into a bedroom for Bella. _I could paint her room yellow in the Albany house; I think she’d like that with the sunlight streaming in._

Alice was quiet, ruminating over my question. “I think she might have been able to resist.”

“Really?” Bella’s willpower over not drinking cold animal blood in gallons was a big shock to us, but I found it hard to believe she might have been able to handle being around humans so soon in her first year.

“Really,” Alice said, in a trance. “ _Maybe._ I’m not entirely sure. There were so many variables in the vision. One thing might have set her thirst off while others may not have.”

“We’ll just have to keep an eye on the hiker's movements.”

“Right,” Alice agreed. I could tell she was still thinking about the vision when she carefully got up from my couch, rather than jumping up. She crossed over to my door and looked back at me like she had forgotten I was there. I was just about to ask her if she had seen something more serious than she wasn’t telling me when she interrupted me.

“I’m going to call Jasper,” She said.

“Did something happen?”

“No. Sometimes I just have to hear his voice, is all,”

* * *

** BELLA **

The wind picked up, trying hard to blow my thin paperback away from me. I was sitting on the balcony outside of the library, taking advantage of the rare sunshine and warmth that was bestowed on us. I placed a paper bookmark on the page I stopped. The book wasn’t very interesting and I stood up to go back inside when I saw a glimpse of Alice’s inky black hair being spun into tangles by the wind as she walked across the clearing into the woods.

I leaned over the balcony. “Alice!” I yelled, trying to catch her attention. She turned back at the sound of her name. She grinned, her tiny body appearing even smaller in the distance. She waved childishly, her fingers outstretched comically. I laughed quietly.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“The woods!” She yelled.

“Can I come with you?” I asked, even though I had just in there with Esme just hours ago.

Alice walked a few paces towards the balcony, her face turning grim. “I don’t think you should. I saw that some humans might try to hike near McKinley Park, and I want to divert their path back to Denali.”

“Oh,” I murmured. “Good thinking.”

“Do you want to do something when I come back though?” Alice asked hopefully. Her eyes lit up in glee suddenly. “OH, can I please play with your hair today? I saw a pretty braid on a hair forum this morning and I think it’d look beautiful with your hair!” She said excitedly.

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Alright, as long as you don’t make me your doll for more than two hours.”

“Yes! You won’t regret it!” She grinned, running off to the edge of the woods. “I’ll see you in a few hours!”

“Be safe!” I called after her, her figure already disappearing. Already bored, I decided to go and see what Esme was up to. She had shown me some sketches for her garden back at the Forks house. It was impossible to do now, but she was planning on saving them for when they go back.

_“When will you go back?” I asked, flipping through Esme’s exquisite drawings._

_“Not for a few decades. Maybe in eighty or ninety years.”_

_“What? That long?” I blanched._

_“Yes, that long.” Esme chuckled. “We have to make sure no memory of us still exists.”_

_“What about yearbooks?” I asked, skeptical. “Or work records, or the census?”_

_“It’s unfortunate; all records with us in it somehow always mysteriously disappear or are vandalized,” Esme said calmly, giving me a quick wink._

Piano keys tinkled lightly from downstairs, and I focused on the melody as I walked out of the library. It felt dreamlike, and I felt as if I was transported back to Renee’s house in Phoenix. As the melody progressed, so did my memory. A faint vision of Renee humming to herself as she straightened up a cluttered room crept into my mind. I closed my eyes, willing myself to remember more. The room was light blue - or maybe green - and small cacti in red clay pots were scattered amongst the tables and shelves. And then, just like that, the memory left me, and I nearly sobbed. The only sight in front of me now was the study, the floating dust particles made visible by the streaming sunlight. My mouth filled with venom, but I wasn’t thirsty for blood, but rather my mother. I longed to be in her arms once again, or at the very least, the memory of what her hug felt like. I needed her warmth and understanding.

The keys of the piano continued to fill the air downstairs as if it hadn’t caused me pain. I heard a small laugh from Esme. I crept down the stairs, drawn to the source. I passed the kitchen in search of my siren as the melody crescendoed into a cascade of lilting notes. _What was this song?_ I thought desperately. If just this one song unlocked a memory, what others could? Past Esme’s room was a larger study, completed in Cullen fashion with glass walls, large mahogany shelves filled to the brim with old dusty classics and first editions, and in the corner stood a stunning Steinway grand piano. I didn’t need to peek into the room to know that it was Edward running his fingers along the keys. I stood outside, my back to the wall as I listened to Edward and Esme. 

Edward was a true master of music. I hadn’t heard him play anything before this, but his room had scattered sheet music everywhere, which made it clear that he had one priority in this everlasting life. The song in my memory was at a faster pace, slurring the notes together in a rush, but Edward’s was slower. He played each note so that it rang in the air with a clear _crisp,_ and just the right pause length when needed. The notes hung in the air, a legacy left behind from their creator. His interpretation was whimsical, twisting and...playful? The melody changed into a more spring-like tune, filling the house with a certain kind of warmth only the turn of the season can bring. I could picture his long alabaster fingers at work on the instrument, taking care to hit each note with a certain intention. I heard Esme sigh longingly. 

“You haven’t played this one in a long time.” She murmured. 

“I felt the itch to play it recently,” Edward said quietly, the music quieting as he finished the song, the last note ringing in the room. 

“You’ve been in a very Russian mood lately,” Esme agreed, making Edward chuckle. “And not the fun, pretty Russian waltzes either.” She added. 

“You should be glad I’m not a violinist,” Edward murmured. Esme laughed loudly, joy sprinkling her mood. 

“Goodness, we can’t have that!” Esme giggled. “The piano is moody enough.”

Edward let out a small, genuine laugh. It sounded so different from his usual dark chuckle that it made me curious to see his face. I crept towards the edge of the door, peeking into the room from the hinge of the door. Edward towered over Esme even when sitting down, and he seemed so full of _joy_ that it took me aback. His light golden eyes twinkled with the mischief only a son could have, and his crooked smile fell deeper into his cheek, his dimple becoming more prominent. Esme gave him a sweet smile, cupping her hand into Edward’s face. Edward leaned into the gesture, closing his eyes. He looked at peace for once. 

I noticed Esme raising her eyebrows in a silent question, and Edward nodded into her hand. They had gone into one of their silent conversations, and it made me wonder if they could sense my presence outside of the room. Whenever I was alone with Edward, I seemed to forget that he was a mind reader. I could feel his eyes burn into my head when I turned away from him though, and then I became the mind reader. I could sense his curiosity - _what is she thinking? What thoughts are haunting that head?_

I watched them, unmoving statues as the sunlight streaming caused Esme’s hand and Edward’s face to shimmer. It felt as if instead of being in the moment, I was in an art gallery, staring up at a large canvas as the two figures embraced lovingly as their faces shimmered lightly with exquisite oil paints. I could see the painter’s careless brush marks with Edward’s hair, strands flying every which way. The dreamlike quality of Esme’s face - content, peaceful and sweet - the strokes of spun gold flowing down her back.

A high pitched piano note rang out, and then another, moving into a lower range. Esme slowly took her hand away from Edward as he returned to the piano. She stared at him intensely as Edward’s hands started to become more involved with the instrument, playing a happier tune. Esme fell into giggles as Edward grinned. Then to my surprise, he started to sing. 

_Sometimes when I feel bad_

_And things look blue_

_I wish a pal I had, say one like you_

_Someone within my heart to build a throne_

_Someone who'd never part, to call my own_

Edward’s singing voice was a serene baritone, and his voice never wavered with any of the higher notes. His voice washed over me, and the burdens that bogged down my shoulders lifted. Esme joined in, her lilting soprano weaving in with Edward. 

_If you were the only girl in the world_

_And I were the only boy_

_Nothing else would matter in the world today_

_We could go on loving in the same old way_

_A garden of Eden just made for two_

_With nothing to mar our joy_

_I would say such wonderful things to you_

_There would be such wonderful things to do_

_If you were the only girl in the world_

_And I were the only boy_

Esme laughed joyously, like nothing I’d ever heard as Edward continued to play the loop. They started the chorus again, and I watched helplessly from the edge of the door. I was intruding on a private moment, as I hadn’t seen Edward and Esme interact like this since I’d been with them. I knew they considered each mother and son, but to see them truly act like it…

I finally pulled away from the edge, turning to lie against the wall as their voices ring throughout the house and through my mind. I crept away then, not wanting to be caught like a shameless peeping tom. The song started to wind down as I exited the hallway, and I stopped, eavesdropping again. 

“Oh how I love that song,” Esme said breathlessly. “I still remember when you played that for Carlisle and me when we came home from the courthouse.” 

“Carlisle told me it was your favorite.” 

“It is,” Esme agreed. “It still is my favorite.” 

Edward went back to playing that melody that beckoned me, and I couldn’t find it in me to keep moving away, back to my hidey-hole in the attic. I wanted to stay in case he dropped the name of the song or the composer. Something that would tie me back to my roots. I closed my eyes as he delved further into the composition. His version felt... _sweeter_ than the version Renee used to play around the house. Slower, but sweet and soft. Tender. The image of Edward smiling as he played the piano emerged as my eyes fluttered shut. 

He was so much kinder than he let on. The smile that he put on Esme’s face, just by playing her favorites clearly meant a great deal to her. Even when he played along with Alice’s dramatics, he did it with the love of an older brother. The clear admiration for Carlisle, the kind only a faithful son would have. Nowadays he even took care to be nice to me.

“What’s gotten into you, Edward?” I heard Esme ask. 

There was a long pause before he answered. “I’m not sure.”

* * *

Alice jumped onto my bed, landing on my stomach. I groaned out of reflex, and the bed creaked with the sudden force. 

“Alice! You better not be breaking anything!” Esme called from her room. Alice stifled a giggle. 

“I’m not!” She yelled back. 

I hit Alice lightly on her arm, annoyed. “I was resting,” I grumbled, closing my eyes and pulling up the blanket to my chin. Alice snuggled in beside me, grabbing the comforter from me as she turned to me. 

“Bella,” She whispered. 

“What?” I griped. 

“Wanna do something?” 

“Yeah,” I said. “Sleep.” 

“What’s sleep?” Alice joked. 

“Something one does to get away from you,” I quipped. From Edward’s room, we heard a quiet chuckle. Alice scowled. 

“Not funny Edward!” She called out. 

“Why am I being scolded?” He replied. Alice turned to me, her face turning pouty. 

“No,” I said firmly. “Whatever it is you’re planning, I don’t want to do it.” 

“Not even a movie?” Alice said sadly. 

I sighed, digging my head into the pillow. “I’m sorry Alice. I’m just being a grump.” 

“Did something happen when I was gone?” Alice asked quietly, her voice turning into a soft whisper. “You seemed cheerful when I left,” 

“Nothing happened,” I lied. She gave me a steady glance, seeing right through me. “I just don’t feel like doing anything right now.” 

“Okay,” She nodded slowly, reaching for a pen on the bookshelf behind the bed. “We can do something tomorrow.” She said, writing something on the palm of her hand. She showed me her hand, the words splotchy from the still-wet ink. 

_Do you want to talk in private?_

I looked at her, about to speak when she quickly rose a finger to her lips and pointed at the door. She didn’t want Edward to be listening if I felt uncomfortable. A small smile tugged at my lips. 

“Yeah, we can do something in a few hours,” I affirmed, nodding my head _yes_ to her silent question. She grinned. “You can do try out that braid you wanted to do,” I said casually. 

Alice gasped, grasping for my hands. “Really?” She squeaked. I laughed slightly. 

“Within reason,” 

Alice shot off the bed. “Of course!” She grinned, halfway out of the room then. “Within reason!” She called out, running through the hall and pounding down the stairs. Within seconds she was back in my room, mouthing that we’d talk privately soon. I nodded and she grinned, running back down to her room.

“Alice!” Esme called out in a frustrated voice. 

“ _I’m sorry,_ but Bella just said I could do her hair! We’re making progress!” Alice’s voice became softer the further down she went. I laughed into my arm at her silliness. I got off my bed then, stretching out of habit and walked towards the window. The sun was just shy of setting, turning the Alaskan sky into a painting of oranges, pinks and dusty blues. I would never get used to the clarity of those twinkling stars anchored into the sky – the brilliant silver sheen they cast over the earth. I put my hand to the glass, enraptured by the sight greeting me. The cold glass might have once deterred me, but it felt like nothing now. I breathed onto the glass in hopes it would fog up, but I only succeeded in huffing cold air onto my hand. 

“Of course,” I said to myself. I stood in that spot for maybe ten or fifteen minutes, counting the new stars as they emerged from behind the sun. Would I have ever experienced something this beautiful as a human? I didn’t want to go down that road of thought – it would only lead to another depressing day, and I was starting to tire of the guilt that plagued me. I looked around my room for something to take my mind off of it. Books from the Cullen’s library were stacked on the floor, but I didn’t have the focus to read and I wasn’t quite ready to submit myself to Alice for a makeover. My eyes flitted towards the open door, where Edward’s door was slightly ajar. I could see his bare feet draped over that black couch of his, his room messy with sheets of music. A faint hint of music was coming from his room – he was probably glued to his headphones. The sound of the piano keys and the melody that escaped me from this afternoon flooded through me, and before I could stop myself and think of what I was doing, I found myself creeping to him and knocking on his door.

* * *

** EDWARD **

The knock on the door broke me out of my reverie - and Bella’s face came around the edge, curiosity crossing. I waved for her to come in as I sat up and removed my headphones. I wasn’t prepared for Bella’s sudden appearance, and I took a quick glance at my room, grimacing at the mess I had left. The spread of music sheets covered the entire surface of the coffee table, and as I looked toward the bookshelf, paperbacks were hanging off the older hardbacks, wavering between falling when I threw them haphazardly when I was done with them. I groaned internally - had my mother seen this mess she would have convinced my father to send me to the local military academy. I watched as Bella looked around in amusement and gritted my teeth when she glanced at me, laughing. 

“I like it. It’s as if you’re some serious academic.” She smiled. “A music historian, or a professor of some sort.” 

I gave her a tight smile as she walked over to the shelf containing my books. I noticed how gently she brought her hand to the spines so that she wouldn’t destroy anything. Her fingers ran lightly across the spines, tracing the gilt lettering of the older editions. She came across a particularly worn paperback, the copy of _The Odyssey_ I had owned since I was a young boy. She picked it up gingerly before looking back at me wide-eyed. 

“I’m sorry, I should have asked before I-”

“If it was a problem, I would have told you,” I replied simply. “I don’t mind.” 

We smiled shyly at each other then. Bella looked down at the worn book in her hands, her pale hand tracing the old lettering. Her skin looked translucent as her dark hair swung in front of her face. The scene in front of me looked timeless, as if she was always meant to be here in front of me, holding one of my most prized possessions. 

I felt my mouth go wet, and I subtly swallowed back the sudden amount of venom that pooled into my mouth. Bella was dressed warmly in a thick fisherman’s sweater and jeans. I glanced towards the floor, catching a glimpse of her bare feet and slim ankles. I closed my eyes suddenly and screamed internally as I felt embarrassed for glimpsing at Bella’s body, and because I _knew_ that Alice had foreseen my embarrassment and was most likely telling our siblings about it at this moment. I closed my eyes tighter as the thought of Emmett taunting me for the next fifty years became unbearable. 

“Edward?” Bella said. “Are you okay?” 

I opened my eyes to see concern etched on Bella’s face. “I’m fine,” I gritted. 

“I can go if you wanted to be alone.” She offered. “I didn’t mean to intrude, I just, um, I just found myself in front of your door and came in,” She stumbled over her words. Had she been human, she might have blushed cherry red and send a wave of her fragrant blood into my senses.

“It’s alright. I just..forgot about something.” I covered. _Forgot how to be a gentleman, and forgot that my siblings are always looking for something to embarrass me with._ “Would you like to sit?” I offered, pushing down at the joy I felt that she found herself in front of my room. She nodded, and I moved to the other side of the couch to give her some space. She sat down slowly. Bella always took her time with things these days, in an effort not to shatter anything and staying conscious of her new strength. While replacing things was no problem, it made Esme glad to know at least one vampire in the house - besides Carlisle - was trying her hardest not to break something. 

She still carried my book in her hands. The small paperback looked at home with her, like Bella was the one who had been reading it hundreds and thousands of times over the years instead of me. 

“I’m assuming that one’s your favorite?” I asked. Bella looked up at me, surprised that I’d spoken. 

“I don’t really remember to be honest,” Bella murmured. “I think I liked it.” She said hesitantly, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the cover. She flipped the book over, looking for a summary but there was none. Just a decaying back and yellowing pages. 

“I think this must have been _your_ favorite since it’s so worn,” Bella commented. I chuckled, nodding when she looked back at me. 

“It was,” I agreed. “It still is. My mother bought it for me when I was about thirteen.” Bella’s eyes wandered all over my face, trying to figure me out. 

“I can’t imagine you being thirteen,” Bella smiled finally, a gentle laugh escaping from her mouth. “What were you like?” 

“Gangly,” I answered, and she laughed. When Bella laughed, her lips parted to show her upper teeth. Her lips were dark red, still fading from the stain of animal blood from the morning. Bella was starting to regain some of her former self - even if she couldn’t remember it. Witty, whip-smart Bella. 

“You must have had other traits then gangly,” She prodded. She was still as curious as ever. 

I leaned back into the edge of the couch, the cool feel of the leather pressing against my neck as I laid my head on it. Bella turned more to me, bringing up one leg onto the couch. Our bodies were closer than I had realized, her knee against my ankle. I bit down on my lip as I tried not to think about how close I was to her. I looked up to make it seem as if I was thinking about the answer when in reality I was incredibly close to forgetting the question. 

“Introverted I suppose,” I finally answered. 

“I never could have guessed.” 

I rolled my eyes at her sarcastic comment, even though a part of me relished it. It felt good to be open with her about who I was, and where I had come from. I put so much effort into avoiding her and her questions when she was human. “I was interested in school and music mostly. I can’t remember much of my social life at that age. I believe I lived out most of my adventures through that book you’re holding.” Bella looked down at the book, examining it. She opened the front cover to a blank page with a note written in it. 

“Edward,” Bella started. “May the adventures of Odysseus stay with you and inspire you for years to come. The hero’s journey starts within. Your loving mother.” 

The room turned still when she finished reading the inscription. I stared at her while she stared at the inscription. Feeling my gaze, she turned to me and put on a tight smile. At once I could tell my mother’s note had troubled her. Her pale, translucent finger ran over the long dried ink of the pen. 

“Are you thinking about your mother?” I whispered. She nodded once, biting down on her lip hard. When she was human, I worried that she would bust her lip in the middle of class and I would be unable to stop myself from killing her. 

“I wish I had something like this. A letter, a note telling me she would be home late. Even something from Charlie, I wish I could tattoo it onto my skin forever.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to comfort her. In my first year, Carlisle said nothing, allowing me to vent my frustrations at this existence. Sometimes he held me as I bitterly cried, other times he sat back and allowed me to hurl obscenities at him for turning me into this dark creature.

Carlisle gave me a plain leather journal that Christmas. In case I took offense, he quickly explained that he himself started journaling throughout the years because of his loneliness, and to express his unrelenting grief at what he had become. He had also given me a few of his past journals, so I could read _his_ struggles for acceptance. It had transformed our relationship. We had been living as roommates until then, only going out together to hunt. I glanced at Bella, trying to read her sudden gloomy face as she caressed the face of the book. I had an inkling of what I should do, but to act on it would change everything for myself, and the knowledge of it would shock my family. I balled my fists, unsure of what to do and if I could allow myself to expose so much of who I was to Bella. The long-dead veins in my hand shifted when I balled and released my fist. 

“Thanks for listening,” Bella said quickly, breaking me out of my thoughts and moving off the couch, clutching the book carefully. “Sorry for just barging in,” As she moved towards the door, I closed my eyes and exhaled. If I was going to do it, I had to do it now. 

“Can you wait a second?” I murmured, lifting myself off the couch and towering over her. Her maroon eyes looked up at me. I fought to keep my hands down by side as we gazed at each other. My eyes searched hers and instinctively I moved closer to her. She responded by moving closer to me until we were almost touching. We were silent, the only sounds coming from our heavy breaths as we gazed at each other. Her eyes searched mine for whatever truths lurked underneath. Finally, I stepped around her, going to my bookshelf. 

“I have something for you,” I murmured, kneeling as I searched the last shelf. If I remembered correctly, it was placed on the last shelf, hidden behind the Shakespeare anthology and the Steinbeck novels. “I know this has been hard on you, and _I’ve_ been hard on you,” I mumbled as I stood to face her. I hand her the little brown leather book, its dark yellow pages delicate with words from the past written on it. “I...I have a lot of trouble expressing my emotions. And I’m sorry I can’t help you more with what you’re going through,” 

“You’ve done more than enough,” Bella whispers. 

I shake my head. “I haven’t.” I point to the journal. “But I think that maybe this can help. It’s my journal, from the year I was a newborn.” Bella looks at me in shock, her lips parting with questions ready to tumble out from her mouth. “I want you to have it. Read it. Destroy it even, if it makes you feel better. Just know that we _all_ went through this.” 

“Edward...this-this is so kind.” she stammered, holding the journal to her chest. The sight of it made my chest tighten. The sight of Bella made my chest tighten, with joy and sadness and pain and love. The fact that she thought the giving of a journal _kind_ demonstrated how cruel I’d been to her, and shame flooded me. 

“It’s not that big of a deal,” I said quietly, averting my glance towards the floor. The sight of her bare feet and ankles entered my vision. _Oh, Christ,_ I closed my eyes to stop the temptation. Her little soft hand grabbed mine, and I _swear_ I felt my long-dead heartbeat again. 

“Sometimes I think _you_ don’t even know how kind you are,” She continued. I looked down at her face finally to see the earnestness sketched all over her honest face. Her eyebrows knitted together in concern as her captivating eyes took me in. I could stare at her all day. 

“I think you give me too much credit,” I say finally. 

“I think you don’t allow yourself any credit.” All I could see in her eyes were pure honesty. She looked down at the journal again - holding it with such a delicacy that one might have thought she was just handed the most precious jewel on Earth. I could start to believe that maybe I didn’t allow myself any credit. “Thank you, Edward. Really.”

“We should get you a journal of your own. It’s cathartic.” I murmured.

A smile tugged at her lips. “I think I’ll take you up on that.” Bella moved towards the door, taking one last glance at me. I smile, but I was sure it came off as more of a grimace. The door shut by itself, and Bella’s heavy footsteps vibrated through the floor, sending a wave of her up my feet and into my spine. I took a deep breath, trying to root myself to the spot and taking it all in. The smell of her lingered everywhere, in the corner of the couch to even the dusty spots within the room. Everything had started to happen so quickly and now I could barely remember a time without Bella in my life. I thought back to Alice’s words earlier - _You’ve been alone all this time, and now you’re on the edge of that cliff we’ve all fallen off of. You just have to jump._

I had been on the edge of that precarious cliff, but somehow I’d fallen. My chest felt so heavy before, yet now it felt light as my body fell through the air, never reaching the bottom. Whether the fates had pushed me - or Bella herself - I cared not. I welcomed the change. I closed my eyes, tipped my head back and spread my arms as the warmth overtook me. Every doubt, every anxiety that had plagued me earlier was gone, and I nearly laughed. 

I had fallen off the cliff, and I never wanted to reach the ground. 


	13. A Warm Den in a Snow-Covered Forest

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

_ December 27th, 1918 _

_When one is confronted by a vampire, the appropriate action would be to scream. When one awakens as a vampire, the appropriate action would also be to scream._

_Except my throat is constantly on fire these days with thirst, and Carlisle has hidden us deep into the woods where no one would be around to hear me. All I did was scream those first torturous days when I had realized what I had become. The memory of the transformation still haunts me – I can still feel those phantom strikes against my nerves and my bones being broken and mended over and over and **over** again. There are days I wish to rip Carlisle apart for what he’s done to me. I can barely remember my former life – who was I? Who were my parents? I’ll look into the mirror Carlisle has in his room on the days he goes out to run errands as quickly as he can, and all I see is a beautiful, empty shell of a young man. I don’t remember being handsome as a human, but then again I can barely remember what color my eyes were. Now I only see horrible blood red. Was I this muscular even as a human? I look like one of those boxers that people would gamble on in the underground rings. Carlisle won’t show me what I looked like in my final moments before he turned me – maybe that’s for the best. I’ll touch my hair and see flashes of a woman – she looked like me and had the same hair. My mother, I think._

_Carlisle told me that he only turned me as a request from my mother. He told me that she had sensed something unnatural about him when we both lay dying in the flu ward of the hospital. The image of this woman I can’t recognize, auburn hair splayed out over a thin pillow, her thin lips parched and vomit stains on the sheet, and her painfully sallow green eyes. Somehow, her plea for help had convinced him. I couldn’t look him in the eyes after that - how could I when the only thing I wanted to do was hurt him for doing turning me into a monster?_

_Carlisle bought me this journal as an outlet for Christmas. I didn’t get him anything, not that I could. I expressed as much, and he only gave me a pitiful smile, and I only saw a sad reflection of myself from his perspective. He remembers when he first turned, waking up in a cellar underground scratching at his throat. He hasn’t told me the full story, but I can piece together enough from what his memories tell me. Visions of a priest striking Carlisle’s face, a slender man with dark red lips in a dark alley whispering, beckoning Carlisle to leave his group. His first days crawling on the ground and trying to kill himself._

_Right now, I only have Carlisle’s thoughts to listen in on. His mind runs miles ahead of mine – I can’t handle his mind alongside my own, even though my only thoughts are about the unrelenting thirst for blood. I can’t imagine having to handle others as well once Carlisle starts to introduce me back into society._

_Some days, I’ll sit in the room Carlisle gave to me and just watch my skin sparkle with that horrible, brilliant sheen. The birds smack into the window with the sight and promise of it. What a grand joke God played on us, to make us so beautiful on the outside yet so hideous within. Maybe I had died, and this was the hell I was condemned to, for what sin I don’t know. What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do? What did I do?_

* * *

** BELLA **

I spent the night reading that first entry in Edward’s journal over and over again. It was all over the place and seemed uncharacteristic of him until I remembered that he had only been three months into his new lifestyle. I could hear his smooth voice in my head as I read on, and more than once I had to stop and stare at the ceiling.

I felt bad for spurning the others as if they didn’t know what I was going through. Reading about Edward’s mother and her dying wish to Carlisle might have made me shiver if I was still human. It felt a little strange as well, to think back on how mine and Edward’s transformation came at the cost of a parent’s life. I hugged the journal to my chest as the guilt had flooded through. I wanted to continue on with the journal, but I wanted to be respectful of what Edward had given me. A glimpse into his thoughts when he had access to everyone else’s felt too special for me to breeze through, and I resolved myself to only read the journal when I truly needed his insight.

Of course, I could have just asked him for his insight but the truth was that having Edward’s thoughts and feelings displayed on yellowed, fragile pages was much easier than playing a guessing game in person.

A knock on the door brought my attention back down the earth. “Come in,” I said, sitting up and getting ready to throw off the comforter when I realized I’d been lying on the floor all those hours.

It was Edward. He chuckled when he saw me on the floor.

“Good morning,” He murmured. “Is the bed uncomfortable? Esme could replace it if you like,”

“No, it's fine,” I say hurriedly. “I just sat down here and didn’t get back up.”

“Mm. Sometimes that’s needed.” He murmured. His light gold eyes glanced towards his open journal next to me, and then back to me. His eyes betrayed no emotions, and I tried to keep my face straight. “Esme and I are going to go into the town for a little while so we can keep up an appearance. Alice will be here with you. Do you need anything?”

“No I don’t, thank you though. Are you leaving now?”

“Yeah, we’re only going to the general store. The cashier there is a gossip, and if we go early enough she’ll let everyone know that we came in today.”

“Oh, okay.” I murmured, getting up. I followed Edward out, and we walked silently down the stairs and into the main house. “Have you always been in the attic?” I asked him.

He chuckled. “Yes. I always have the room on the top floor in all of our houses.”

“Doesn’t it get lonely? It’s so quiet up here.”

“That was the point,” He smirked at me. “Everyone’s thoughts are at the periphery up here. It’s not much, but it does help.”

I didn’t know what to say to that, so we walked down in silence. I could hear Alice giggling in her room, the sound of Jasper’s deep chuckle coming in faint through the phone. Esme was humming as she chucked her wallet into her purse. Her eyes glanced towards us as we descended the stairs and she smiled warmly.

“Edward, are you ready to go?” He hummed a yes. He glanced towards me, eyes widening slightly when he saw I was observing him. He gave an awkward smile and went to grab his keys and leaving out the mudroom, not turning back. I stood there, hearing his footsteps and getting into the car, revving the engine.

Esme’s gentle hand pressed onto my shoulder. “Are you alright?”

I nodded. “I think so.”

“Will you try to keep Alice out of trouble for me?”

“I’ll try my best,” I responded, watching as Esme put on her coat. She waved goodbye and joined Edward in the car. The sound of the Volvo peeling out of the garage and onto the driveway was instant – and then only silence. The house creaked as the wind blew hard against the structure. I kicked at the expensive rug at my feet, unsure of what to do next.

The only thing to do was bother Alice, and as far as I could hear she put the phone down. My feet on autopilot, I walked slowly back up the winding stairs and down the hallway to her room. Pop music played softly through the speakers in the room, and I pushed open the door to let myself in. Alice was reorganizing her closet, dancing to the tune and throwing shirts left and right. Wading through the chaos on the floor, I came up next to her, picking up a revealing dress that she had set on top of a massive pile collecting on her bed. Alice waggled her eyebrows at me as she continued bopping around, taking the dress from me and dramatically turning to her mirror.

“Is this my color?”

“It’s not the color you should be worried about.”

Alice rolled her eyes. “My fault for asking the prude of the house. Oh wait, there’s two of you now.”

Despite the sarcasm, I laughed genuinely. Alice brightened and went back about her business. “So what brings you to my abode? See anything you’d like for yourself?”

“I could never fit into any of your clothes.”

“Hm, true. We could always tailor it.” Alice threw out some old shirts my way, and I caught them easily. My new reflexes weren’t surprising to me anymore, but it was strange not dropping things right away. The shirts Alice threw to me seemed to be in mint condition, nary a tear or a hanging strand.

“Do you not want these?”

“Nah, they sent me the wrong size when I ordered it a couple of years ago, and Rosalie wouldn’t be caught dead in them, hah!”

I set them aside, not entirely interested but not wanting them to go to waste either. “Do you need any help?”

Alice sighed, looking at the disarray she had caused. “No, it’s my mess. Besides, I still need to sort through what I’m keeping and getting rid of. Oh! I know! Are you up to let me try that hairstyle I’ve been bugging you about?”

I shrugged. “Sure.”

Alice beamed. “Great! Let’s go downstairs, I can’t look at this pigsty anymore.” She bounced out of her room with no regards if I was following or not. Silently I trailed her, taking in her appetite for anything that brings her joy. I knew very little about her background, only that she was born the same year as Edward, and that she woke up in a deserted asylum. Did she start to remember her life back then after the haze of a newborn’s bloodlust had lifted?

Alice went to the living room, and flopped onto the couch, giggling as she saw me smile. “Just sit in front of me. I brought some rubber bands!” Alice showed me the bag of tiny rubber bands for small braids, and some large ones as well. I blanched as she shakes the bag out, spilling it out onto the couch.

“What are you planning on doing to me?”

“Oh shh, it won’t take too long. I’m very fast,” She winked. I sat down in front of her, and Alice ran her cold fingers through my scalp. I sigh deeply at the feel of it, almost moaning. “Your hair is so soft,” She whispers. “I’d do anything for hair like this.”

“What happened to your hair, Alice?” I ask, but for once Alice doesn’t say anything. We continued to sit in silence as she ran her hands through the length of my hair. “Did I offend you?” I ask quietly.

“No,” She murmurs. “They cut it all off in the asylum. I don’t remember it, but that was the practice back then. Whatever I have now is what was growing when I had been changed.”

“It suits you.”

“You think?” She brightens. “It was very in fashion a few years later,”

“I bet you were a star everywhere you went.” 

“Oh, I was,” Alice said, very serious. A beat passed, and suddenly we were both cracking up, her fingers still in my hair as I shook from laughter. We calmed enough to where she actually started taking sections from the side of my face, giggles still popping up as she started to braid. I brought my knees up to hug as she braided my hair, listening to the house breathe. The vents whirred, and the crackle of a TV still on for hours. Outside the birds warbled, and foxes played in the forest, their small screeches _just_ audible to our ears from inside. 

“Do you remember anything from your human life?” I ask.

Alice paused. “Not much. I think I told you I most likely had premonitions as a human. I think…I think I had gone through a lot of trauma in the asylum. I don’t even know why I was transformed.” She started braiding my hair tighter, and I winced. “Sorry,” She murmured. “Carlisle has tried to help me access those memories, but I think they’re gone for good.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t be. It’s most likely a good thing I can’t remember. Maybe one day I’ll go back and look for records, but for now, I’m content.”

I didn’t want to ask her anything about my memory in case she was still sensitive, but she seemed to have caught my intentions anyway. “Did you remember something?” She asked, finishing off a braid.

“I think so,”

“That’s great Bella! What was it?”

“It was my mom, at home in Pheonix.”

“Oh Bella,” Alice hugs me from behind, and I hold onto her arm.

“Edward was playing some song on the piano downstairs, and it felt like I was at home again with Renee, and she was humming to that same song that Edward was playing.” I could feel my voice start to choke with invisible tears, and Alice hugged me tighter. “And she was so _beautiful,_ Alice. She was dancing and cleaning and humming and _alive._ ” I took a long, deep breath. “And then it was gone. The memory just…ended.”

Alice kissed the back of my head. “It’s a start, Bella. That’s all you needed, a start. I’m so happy for you.” She laughed against my hair, and I looked up at her. She kissed my forehead, and I felt the warmth I desperately craved yesterday after that memory left me. She moved my head upright again and began another braid.

“In no time, you’ll have your memories back.”

* * *

** EDWARD **

  
“Thank you Arlene, it was nice to meet you,” Esme said, waving off the older woman who helped us with our minimal groceries and supplies. I immediately jumped into the driver’s seat, trying to close myself off from the woman’s crude thoughts. _Nice to meet you indeed,_ her thoughts trailed into my mind. I shuddered as I started the engine, drumming my fingers against the wheel impatiently as Esme took her time getting in. As soon as she was buckled in and the older woman far enough away from the car to avoid getting hit, I peeled out of the parking lot, tires squealing on the road.

“Edward!”

“Sorry,” I murmured, not sorry in the slightest. Esme made a noise at my behavior but thankfully said nothing more.

“Take your time on the road,” She said. I turned my head, surprised. I acquiesce, slowing down on the road to the speed limit. “I wanted to speak to you while we have some privacy.”

“Is everything alright?”

Esme laughed. “Yes, everything’s fine. I just wanted to speak freely with you about Bella.” She was blocking her mind from me, and the wheels in my head were starting to turn on what she may ask me or had heard from Alice.

“Oh,” I said cautiously. “What about Bella?”

“How do you think she’s adjusting so far?”

“Well…she has her ups and downs. Nothing new for a newborn.”

“No outbursts recently?”

“Not in the past few days.” Bella had mostly come down from her initial grief, but she was still prone to tantrums every so often. She was a considerate newborn though and took her tantrums outside to scream and rage in the snow so she wouldn’t break any of Esme’s furniture. Her last outburst had been a few days ago, arriving with no warning and resulting in the premature death of a tree at the edge of the woods.

Esme nodded, bringing up the mental image of holding Bella afterward. “She’s doing well.”

“A little too well?”

“I don’t want to jinx it,” Esme said thoughtfully. “Yes, she has her tantrums, but who didn’t? But where is her _thirst,_ Edward?”

I wish I had a definitive answer. We were quickly exhausting theories about Bella’s control over her bloodlust. Emmett thought it may be her power starting to manifest when we last spoke on the phone. Jasper and Rosalie were of the mind that she just had a different level of ‘being full’ than we did.

“Emmett thinks it’s a power.”

“No doubt it’ll become a power as she matures, but I wouldn’t think of it as equal to Alice or yours, not even Jasper’s.”

I started to relax, letting my back rest against the seat and settled in for the drive. _She doesn’t know what I told Alice._ “It might not be as powerful as our powers, but it’s still something. What do you think it is?”

Esme sighed, settling against the seat as the sun hit her face, her alabaster skin shining like diamonds. I loosened the visor and turned it towards her so I could see clearly on the road. While my reflexes were incredible, I was still prone to distraction.

“I just think she’s like Carlisle. The control they have over themselves…it’s a wonder.”

“Do you think it’s that simple?” I asked.

“Occam’s razor,” She murmured.

“What does Carlisle think?”

“He agrees. He thinks his thirst was worse than hers in the first couple of months, but you know his level of control has always been leagues ahead of us. We just can’t comprehend it. Carlisle has never had a human in his lifetime. Bella may very well rival him.”

Silence overtook us as we digested the conversation. An ugly voice whispered ugly jealous things about Bella’s self-control, but I quickly beat it back. Whatever I had done in my past was my own doing, I wouldn’t blame it on Bella.

“She was watching us yesterday.” Esme murmured. In Esme’s mind, I saw Bella peeking through the hinges of the door to the study, her deep blood eyes watching me as I played the piano. The sound of her breath hitching when she saw me sing with Esme was intoxicating, and I stole Esme’s memory for my own. We started to enter a shaded area away from the Sun’s rays, and I put the visor away, only to be greeted by a knowing look from Esme.

_She knows._

“There’s no law against enjoying music,” I start.

“None at all. In fact, I _encourage_ it.” She said, pointed. I said nothing, trying not to incriminate myself further. A cold hand pressed against my shoulder then, and I sighed. We were close to the house, but I pulled over to the side of the road, putting the car in park. We were silent except for the gentle hum of the radio.

“Is there something between you and Bella?” Esme asked. I glanced at her, and her eyes looked so kind and _bright_ as she waited for my answer.

“I don’t know,” I answered finally. “Sometimes it feels like it.” I closed my eyes, and rested my head on the wheel, wishing I could be swallowed up by the earth and all her dirt.

“Oh Edward,” Esme murmured. She unclicked her seat belt, and I felt her arms snake around my waist as best she could in our positions. She rested her head on my shoulder, holding away.

“Oh _god,_ ” It was starting to genuinely hit me. Esme shushed me, stroking the back of my head. Her fingers stroked through my hair, pulling out whatever tangles she might have come across.

“Does she feel the same way?”

A bitter laugh escaped me. “I doubt that.”

“You don’t know that.”

“All I know is that she just lost her entire family, her whole life and everything she’s ever known. It’s inappropriate of me to even think about it.”

Silence filled the car again. Esme’s hand left my hair and sat straight. I peeked an eye out at her, and her surprisingly stoic face. Esme always wore her heart out on her sleeve. I took in a false breath and sat up as well.

“Did you know that’s what Carlisle said to me when we were falling in love?”

“No,” I said, surprised. “I didn’t.”

She chuckled. “You two were made from the same cloth.” She reached for my hand and held it tight. “The point is, _I_ lost my family, my life and everything I’ve ever known. I held my son in my hands when I died, and wanted nothing more than to die as well. Carlisle saved me, and nurtured me and guided me through this new life, expecting nothing in return. So did Rosalie and Emmett, and Alice and Jasper. Even _you_ , Edward. You and Bella have had a connection since the first day you met. You don’t notice it, but whenever Bella enters a room she looks for _you._

I exhaled harshly, not entirely believing Esme. Esme’s cold hands rubbed my arms. “It doesn’t have to be at vampire speed,” She soothed. “Love is best taken slow.”

* * *

Esme closed the trunk of the Volvo for me as I carried out the groceries, the garage door still closing. Alice was giggling about something from the living room and Bella’s soft voice murmuring. Esme looked at me closely, raising an eyebrow as she opened the door for me. I sucked on my lower lip, trying to remain nonchalant.

“Those groceries stink!” Alice yelled as we walked in. Bella sat on the floor in front of her, trying to suppress her laugh. I could hear the giggle rumbling in her throat. Alice was finishing some complicated braids in Bella’s hair, with three small braids on each side of her temple, tied back and exposing her widow’s peak. The rest of her hair flowed around her. The hairstyle exposed the hinge of her jaw, jutting out when she smiled. Hiding, I threw the groceries into the fridge, pretending to set them right.

“Do you guys want to watch a movie? I can get the projector.” Alice asked.

“That sounds fun,” Esme murmured.

“Yeah,” Bella agreed.

“Edward?” Alice asked. It wasn’t a request. I stood tall and closed the fridge, nodding. Alice got up and ran for the projector, returning in five seconds with at least ten movies in her hand. She handed them to Bella, who turned each one over and read the summary diligently.

_Sit in the middle of the couch near the fireplace._ Alice thought.

I shook my head. Did she have to interject at every moment?

“Let’s do this one,” Bella murmured, handing it off to Esme. “I’ve never seen it before.” She stood up and stretched, her midriff showing slightly. I looked toward the ground as I walked into the living room. Alice maneuvered Bella at the far end of the couch next to the fireplace as Esme set up the projector. I went over to the window, reaching for the rod that would pull down the curtain used for our projection backdrop.

“Here, let me get the fire crackling.” Alice murmured. _Sit next to Bella, Edward._

“Edward, can you make the curtain drop just a little lower?” Esme asked. I obliged her, ignoring Alice’s commands. I shook my head as I felt her eyes dig into my back. The fire roared, and Alice poked at the flames, stoking the waves of heat. “That’s enough,” Esme called.

I turned, my job done to see Alice glancing at me. She gestured towards Bella, whose feet were wrapped into her side. I didn’t want to hear more from Alice, and because I actually _did_ want to be near her, I approached Bella.

“May I sit next to you?” I murmured. Bella’s gaze found mine, and she smiled, nodding.

_My **god** , Edward. What’s with the formality?_ Alice thought.

_Oh my god, it’s actually happening._ Esme screamed in her head. I gave both of them an exasperated look. It felt like I was suddenly thirteen, and they were both dropping me off at the movie theater for a date. I tried to ignore them and motioned for them to stop staring, lest Bella catches them being obvious. I suppose that was one good thing. While the world I knew crashed around me and my burgeoning feelings, Bella was oblivious to it all.

As the movie started, I tried to relax and keep up with the plotline but my mind was buzzing with energy. Alice was pointedly looking at the movie, singing my least favorite song in her head. Esme was fidgeting, barely looking. Her eyes kept glancing back and forth between Bella and me as if we’d run off and elope right that second. I tried to sort through what Esme was thinking, finding her going through the memory as we both walked in. Bella had looked up from her spot on the floor when we walked in, trying to find us. Or _me_ , if Esme was correct.

I sighed. We were an hour into the movie, and paying attention now seemed like a long-gone effort. Bella adjusted herself then, her hand suddenly next to mine. Surprise shot through me.

She was warm.

Bella had been absorbing the heat from the fireplace. I quickly glanced at the fire, blazing within the contained space. She was breathing slowly, her eyes intent on the screen.

Did she feel what I felt? Or is it all in my head? Was I overthinking this? I felt so confused that I was starting to feel sick. It felt like we were back in Forks again, sitting in biology next to each other as I felt the warmth emitting off of her. I had gotten used to the cold all these years, and here she sat, a warm den in a deep, snow-covered forest that I had been lost in for years. My heart started to ache, and I closed my eyes, exhaling. One thought ran through me, over and over and over again.

_I love you._

_I love you._

_I love you._


	14. Rain Sows a Promise

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

****

* * *

** BELLA **

“Hark! Fair lady!” Alice swooned, airily dancing around the room with snow-covered twigs woven into her raven hair, producing a sprig of newly born grass and handing it to Esme, Esme laughed heartily as her daughter’s antics, clutching the grass into her pale hands. “Fair lady, permit me to ask you of something!”

“What must you ask me, nymph?”

“Do you know why a heart beats?”

“Why does a heart beat, nymph?”

“Oh, for _love_!” Alice sighed romantically, leaping around the table. She had received a package from Jasper yesterday – filled with flower petals, a beautiful dress far too stunning to be subjected to a high school prom, and lingerie. Edward and I ran as fast as we could to the attic without tearing up the floor when Alice called her husband to give her _thanks_. She was still riding the high of last night, and we were all still recovering. Alice collapsed next to me on the couch and sighed. I struggled to contain a laugh. Before I could contain myself, I turned to her.

“What’s it feel like? Being in love I mean.”

Alice blinked twice at me as if she didn’t understand. Esme unnaturally cleared her throat. “Oh! Well…it feels like…”

“Your chest gets warm at the sight of them,” Esme interrupted, putting her knitting down.

“You get that feeling of…giddiness all the time,” Alice offered.

“It’s like someone gives you a concentrated shot of joy and you’re high on that for the rest of time itself.” Esme muses quietly, smiling to herself.

“And the feeling you get when once you realize they love _you_... oh it’s phenomenal.” Alice sighed, looking towards the ceiling. She turns to me, a certain glint in her eye and pokes my knee. “Want me to set you up with someone? Edward’s friend Garrett is single, isn’t he Esme?”

“Oh, that’s not necessary-” I start to say.

“ _Garrett?_ ” Esme laughs at first, but then catches Alice’s eye and her mood changed as fast as she had laughed. She clears her throat, looking down at her knitting and unravels her last few stitches. “Riiight, Garett. He’s…certainly adventurous. If you’d like we can have Carlisle arrange for him to come out here?” She offers, but her voice is hesitant like she’s afraid I might actually take her up on the offer.

“No,” I say firmly. “I’m not interested.”

Alice stretches out next to me, her little feet brushing up on the side of my thigh. “Probably for the best, he drinks from humans anyways.” She mumbles. I narrow my eyes at her. Why did she bring him up in the first place if she knew he drank from humans? “I’m sure he’d convert for you, though.” She challenges, meeting my gaze. I’m sure she was up to something, but at the moment I didn’t have the patience for it.

“As I said, I’m not interested.”

As the words left my mouth, Edward thudded down the stairs loudly which was unusual for him. He was light-footed, and perpetually sneaking up on me. The only time I heard him was when he stepped on the creaking floorboards outside of our rooms at dawn when he’d sneak downstairs to his precious piano. I turned to look at him shrug his parka on angrily as he bit down on his lip. What had turned his mood so sour?

“Are you going hunting, Edward?” Esme asked.

“No.” He muttered. His eyes were bright gold from when we all went hunting the other day. Alice looked at him serenely as he forced his feet into his shoes. Finally, she caught his eye – and his fury. He glared at her as he walked out the front door, slamming it shut as the foundations of the house shook. His figure was just a blur as he ran in the forest.

“Alice,” Esme tittered. “What did you do to your brother?”

Alice shrugged, lifting herself from her position and jumping back to the floor. “He’ll get over it.” She went back to humming and dancing around the room, eventually floating up the stairs to her bedroom.

My mind considered what just happened. “Did Alice do something to make Edward mad?” I asked Esme. She made a face as she looked at her stitch, the click of her needles moving together.

“Yes, but when is she not poking around? I’m sure you’re already used to it.” She said vaguely. I bite down on my lip, making a ‘hmm’ noise to agree, and letting it go.

Esme and Alice had been acting strangely for the past few weeks. I chalked it up to them being excited that the school year was almost over in Forks, and it was nearing June. Soon, the rest of the family would be here with us permanently – a thought that made me nervous. I was finally starting to loosen up around Esme, Alice, and Edward. Despite my hate of this new life, I was growing fond of it just being the four of us here in the silent mountainside. I wasn’t sure how the dynamic was going to change with the reunion. No doubt Alice and Esme would be busier with their spouses when they arrived, and I was unsure of how Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie would take to me being a part of the household now.

I stood, stretching from sitting on the couch for a few hours and started the lonely walk back to my room. I gathered a change of clothes and my towel that I threw on top of the reading chair and headed straight for the shower. The burst of hot water on my back made me audibly groan, heating my perpetual cold skin. Alice’s comments flooded back into my head while I lathered my body in soap. _Edward’s friend Garrett is single._ As if I could comprehend jumping into a relationship with a man – no, _vampire_ – I’d never met.

Was _Edward_ single? It felt silly to think about, but he was intensely private. The way Tanya draped herself over him when we first arrived at the house, and she knew that I was the reason he escaped here back in January. Tanya would call Esme once a week to talk, and always asked to speak to Edward. He’d murmur his replies quietly for only a few moments and then awkwardly give back Esme her phone. _No, no they aren’t going out,_ I thought quickly, rinsing the soap off of me. From his body language, Edward didn’t seem interested in Tanya, as beautiful and charming she was. That I didn’t understand. Had I met Tanya when I human, _I_ might have fallen in love with her.

_“Some of us would like to shower too!”_ Alice screamed from downstairs. I yelped, almost slipping but managing to catch myself in the shower. I turned off the water – yelling _Sorry!_ – and stepped out. I wiped the steam from the mirror, and looked at my naked body, dripping everywhere. It was still bizarre, observing myself. The memory of my old body was in the back of my mind, but it was incomparable, almost incomprehensible to what I was gazing at in the mirror. My waistline was the same, yet it was more defined – the promise of sinewy muscle underneath my skin. My eyes weren’t the intense red they once were, but a more subdued maroon. I sighed, throwing my clothes on, restless all of a sudden.

Outside of the house, the sky was yellow, orange following on the horizon. The house was quiet, and my restless only grew. I suddenly longed to be outside, and feel the stretch of my legs as I ran from the silence. Grabbing a jacket, I threw on the old pair of sneakers and flew down the stairs. Esme looked up, concerned.

“Are you thirsty?”

“Not really,” I answered honestly. “I just need to get out.”

“Let me get my shoes, I’ll accompany you.”

“Um, if it’s okay I’d rather go by myself.”

Esme blinks. “Bella, I’m not sure I should let you go by yourself.”

“Not even for a little bit?”

“She’ll be fine, Esme,” Alice says, appearing at the balcony above us. Her face is stoic, her emotions held tight. Esme doesn’t look amused as she puts away her knitting.

“This isn’t a game, Alice. One of us should go with her.”

“I’m aware, but I’m telling you, she will be fine. I already saw.”

“You of all us should know the future is not set in stone,” Esme says, raising an eyebrow. This is the most parental I’ve seen her, and her firm voice almost makes me back down and sulk back to my room. “What if a human decides to take a shortcut and runs into Bella? Can you guarantee she won’t go after them? She’s not even three months old.”

“I’ve already looked for different futures, she will do fine.” Alice soothed. “Bella, find Edward’s scent if you feel uneasy by yourself.”

I glanced towards Esme, looking for a confirmation. She stared at Alice, her golden eyes searching for something wrong in Alice’s answer. She closed her eyes and sighed.

“Fine, you can go.” She murmured. She took off her plain watch, handing it out for me to take. “I want you back here by seven,” She said firmly. I nodded, excited that she would let me go by myself.

“And find Edward if anything goes wrong.”

I put Esme’s watch on my wrist. Esme raises a hand to her temple, rubbing it like she’s not sure if she should let me go. I go to leave through the front door, but then I stop. I embrace Esme in a tight hug, catching her off guard. Her arms snake around my waist, holding me close. “Thank you,” I whisper.

Esme’s thumb rubs circles on my back. “Be careful,” She whispers back. I rise from her arms, and her gold eyes bear into mine. “Come home, okay?”

“I will.”

* * *

Running felt so _good._

I ran north. The world went by in a fantastic blur, and the cold air hit my lungs like a semi. Through the blur around me, the snow melted into spring. Springtime seemed to be an interesting mix in this strange new land. One day the snow would melt, revealing patches of green velvet interspersed with cotton candy-colored flowers, and then the next day snow would fall from the heavens along with a rush of wind, and the land would be covered once more.

It felt so freeing to be by myself. I stopped suddenly, nearly causing myself to face plant into the muddy snow and gnarled roots of the bare trees surrounding me. I braced my arms onto my knees, my hair falling all around me in wild tangles as I breathed hard.

I was surrounded by woods for miles in each direction. I kept still, listening to the birds singing in the sky. Once I was certain I was alone, no Cullens to monitor me, I unleashed a bloodcurdling scream. The birds above flew in terror as I continued to throttle my own throat with a scream.

“ _Oh god,_ ” I whispered when I was done, my voice hoarse with pain and thirst. I dropped to my knees onto the hard forest floor and sank further, laying my head onto the dirt. I felt immensely better after that longwinded scream, and I reveled in the feeling of existing within my own company, something I hadn’t done since the attack. I let my frustrations roll off of me as I pressed the side of my face into the earth, closing my eyes and breathing with the forest. The scuttle of ants and beetles underneath me kept me aware that life was still moving; always finding a way. I thought of Charlie – the only creatures keeping him company now were the insects. Was he happy, wherever he was? Fishing, in never-ending ponds and lakes of the clearest blue? Could he see me now, surviving off of the blood of animals? Did it hurt him, knowing we would never be reunited in an afterlife?

My chest didn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning when I thought of Charlie and Renee. Now it was duller, an ache waiting to be erased with time. I tried to hold on to the pain, thinking it was too soon to be saying goodbye to them, to _accept_ that they weren’t in my life anymore. I pressed my lips together to shake them out of my mind. I didn’t want to constantly think of them, of what I lost and what I’ll never have.

I don’t know how long I laid there, in the middle of the wild. I glanced at Esme’s watch, the hands pointing to 6:15 – I had another forty-five minutes to utilize. Maybe I would just continue to sit here – it's not like I needed to find my way back. I could just run back in a straight line. A waft of pine and musk wavered above me and I froze.

_Was Edward nearby?_

I turned onto my stomach, crouching low and behind a tree as I looked up the slope, trees obscuring my view. I heard nothing – but Edward was so quiet anyways.

Tentatively, I whispered. “Hello?”

Nothing.

Standing up, I started up the slope. The scent wasn’t concentrated like it was on our floor. Perhaps he only passed through here. _Find Edward if something goes wrong._ Well, nothing was wrong, only my curiosity at where the boy disappears. After a beat, I started up the slope, deciding to follow the scent.

I wasn’t a tracker, or a particularly good hunter but the scent was strong enough for me to follow. I followed at a jog, eventually reaching a small snowy clearing with three trails shooting off. I walked in, hesitant. Should I keep going, or turn back now?

The trail filled with brambles and tangled roots was the one that kept his scent. “Of course,” I muttered, breaking branches as I followed. Leaves and sharp branches smacked me as I climbed in. finally, I reached a part of the trail that wasn’t filled with obstacles, but Edward’s scent stopped cold. I sniffed around; trying to catch the scent again, but there was nothing.

“How can he just disappear?” I whisper to myself.

Maybe it was for the best – he may not want to be found. How would I justify following him if I did find him anyways? I glanced at the watch – 6:45. I sighed, turning back around to climb through the path again when I noticed a smaller path turning right. There was still no scent – or if there was I couldn’t pick up on it. It wouldn’t hurt if I went in and poked around a bit. I grimaced at the thought of having to lie to Esme when I got home about what I had been doing. The path ended after a half-mile, leading to a field of steaming hot springs.

My jaw dropped at the sight – the rising heat clear to my eyes. Rocks covered the field, surrounding shallow springs or deeper ones. I walked through the maze, having forgotten about my earlier quest to find Edward. A thick ring of trees covered the far left side of the field, and from my current standpoint, I could see the rising steam of more springs. Drawn by the mystery, I headed towards it, my curiosity leaping at what lurked within.

As I approached closer, I could hear a familiar humming and I stopped in my tracks. Was it him? I approached slowly, and his voice became clearer. He was humming that song the day he and Esme were on the piano, his hum reverberating on the thick trees surrounding him. I crept into the trees, seeing the single hot spring surrounded by rock slabs and snow and the humming immediately stopped.

“Who’s there?” He called out. Before I could confess, Edward walked into my field of view, dripping wet and wholly naked. His topaz eyes widened in surprise, and I squeaked, dipping behind a tree.

“I am _so sorry!_ ” I managed to squeak out. If I’d been human I might have exploded from the embarrassment. A large splash from behind me signaled it was alright for me to come out of my hiding space. I peeked around the tree just as Edward surfaced from the pool, his wet red-brown hair falling into his face. In the watery shadows, his face looked more angular, and his golden eyes searched wildly for mine. His lips quirked up for a moment, mischief playing on his face.

“I have to admit Bella,” He called out. “I never took you for a peeping tom.”

I whined into the tree I was hiding behind. “I didn’t mean to!”

At that, he laughed heartily. “If you come out, you’re forgiven.”

Slowly, I peeked out again to find him smirking at me. I wondered how I looked to him – breathless and wild crimson eyes and covered in a mix of mud and dry dirt. He was at the edge of the pool, resting his arms on one of the smaller rocks. He curled his finger in a ‘come hither’ motion. I approached him slowly, barely looking at him. One half of his face shone like diamonds as the sunlight streamed in through one side of the forest. I sunk to my knees a couple of feet in front of him.

“I am _so_ sorry, Edward. I didn’t mean to follow you, I just found your scent and was curious about where you disapp-”

“Bella, it’s alright.” Edward chuckled. “If anything, I should have heard you sneak up on me. It’s not like you’re quiet.”

I could have sworn I was blushing then with the heat that rose to my face. He slicked his hair back, grinning at me.

“Well,” He started. “What do you think?”

“Think of what?” I blanched. Was he asking me what I think of _him_?

“My hiding place,” He chuckled. I felt the heat rise in my cheeks again. I looked around, getting a better sense of where he sneaks off to. The large overgrown roots intertwined with one another in a sort of circle, hiding the area from view. The spring itself was massive – the granite near me was tall with a steep slope, and jagged rocks came up from beneath the earth as a natural barrier, save for where Edward and I were. The water was a murky white, rising with steam. It came up to Edward’s shoulders, leaving his collarbones visible above the water. Behind the spring was more forest - deep, dense and dark. Birds chirped above us – the cry of a hawk, the song of a warbler.

“It’s beautiful,” I murmured, looking at the treetops. The sun was setting quickly. Soon it would be dark. “How did you find this place?”

“I found it back in the forties,” Edward said, reaching over to where his clothes were thrown haphazardly halfway on the forest floor and the rocks. His arms were wired with lean muscle and dark blue veins. In the shadows here, he didn’t look as pale as he was. Grabbing his shirt, he wiped his face. “At that time, these trees weren’t here.” He pointed to the circle of trees behind me.

“I planted them so the next time we came here; I could go swimming without a human coming across the field and seeing my skin in the sun.” He grinned. “I didn’t account for a vampire coming across here, though.”

I looked away from him, choosing to stare at the slope of rock near us. “Sounds like you didn’t plan very well, then,” I said, indignant as I felt the heat in my face again. His deep chuckle sent a thrill through me.

“Do you have a hiding place for every place you go to?” I asked.

“Just about,” He smirked.

“Did you have one in Forks?”

“Yes, but it was far enough away that no one could wander right through it. I could spend a day there without hearing anyone else’s thoughts.”

I shifted, hugging my knees to my chest. He leaned his chin on his still dripping arms, gazing at me.

“How often did you try to get away?” I asked quietly.

Edward sighed. “Back in Forks, I was hiding out maybe once a week. After the van incident with you, I started going every night,” He murmured.

My eyes widened. “Every night? Why?”

He looked at me for a moment, and then shrugged. “I just needed time by myself. Little things just set me off, I guess.”

That reminded me of him stomping out the door earlier today. “What set you off today? Did Alice do something?”

He scoffed, turning his head so what little sunshine was left hit his collarbone, sparkling like sand in an hourglass. I was fascinated – I’d never seen a prettier collarbone. It was like he was sculpted by Michelangelo himself. I shook myself out of staring, trying to concentrate on what the words coming out of his mouth were.

“Alice likes to provoke me, that’s all.”

“What did she do?” He didn’t answer me, pausing to slick his hair back with the warm water again. Even wet, it still had that messy look to it. He looked solemn then, the dark circles under his eye seeming more pronounced. He almost seemed…sad. His eyes glanced at me.

“Would you be interested in Garrett? “

_“Garrett?”_ I ask, stunned. “Are you all planning to arrange my marriage now?” I ask sarcastically. “I’ve never even heard of him until today!”

“So that’s a no?”

“A _hard_ no!”

Edward grinned then, his crooked smile leading to that deep dimple. “Well, then that’s settled. Can you turn around? I want to get out.”

Miffed at the sudden turn in the subject, I lifted myself and stood by the closest tree. A sudden rush of water signaled to me he was out of the pool, and I watched as water crept to my shoes quickly. I ignored the little voice in my head that whispered for me to turn around. I bit down on my lip and gave in, looking for Edward out of the corner of my eye. He was just in sight of my eye, already having put on his jeans, which were now soaking wet. I snapped my eyes back to the tree in front of me.

“Why were you so worried about Garrett?” I asked quietly. Behind me, I could hear the rustling of Edward’s shirt, and I glanced back a little to see if it was safe to turn around. He was kneeling on the ground, soaking wet as he tied his shoelaces back on. His golden eyes looked up at me, and he was stoic as ever. _What are you really trying to ask me?_ I wanted to say.

He stood then, and crossed the short distance to me, just nearly standing chest to chest. Edward towered over me, and I had to tilt my head back to truly look him in the eye. Warm water dripped from his hair and dropped onto my shirt. The breaths I didn’t need were starting to hitch in my chest. His hands were right in front of me, and I bit down on my lip as I stopped myself from reaching out to hold it. I could feel the steam rising off of him. His lips parted, but then he closed them as if he couldn’t find the right words.

“I suppose I like having you around.” He murmured, his eyes shifting elsewhere.

“Oh,” I say, looking down at my feet. I felt disappointed for some reason. He made no move to walk away from me, and neither did I.

“What are you thinking?” I whisper. His eyes snap back to mine, surprise written on his face, but he wiped himself clean of emotion before I could blink. The sun was truly starting to set then, the orange and the pink in the sky swirling together and the last of the sun said goodnight to our quiet little corner of the world.

“People rarely ask what I’m thinking,” He murmurs. I stared at his lips when he murmured, and the funny feeling that was starting to crawl up my spine wondered how it would feel to have his mouth on mine.

“I’m sure that’s not true,” I whisper back. Was it just me, or were we moving closer to each other? “Maybe you’re just not paying attention,”

“Maybe so,” He said, his voice getting lower. “Maybe I only pay attention to one thing,”

“And what’s that?” _Say me,_ a thought filled my head. We stared at each other, waiting for someone to say something. Those eyes, eyes whose attention I sought when I was human, were hooded and longing. Just when I thought he was finally going to answer me, his phone started vibrating. He made no move to answer, only shutting his eyes and sighing. He moved back from me, the source of what light heat he carried gone and my body shivered. He dug into his back pocket, flipping it open.

“Hello?” His voice sounded hoarse. I could hear Esme’s voice through the phone, worried. I glanced at the watch – 8:30. I winced, knowing Esme would be upset I didn’t come home in time. Edward glanced at my worried face.

“She’s with me.” He said in a low voice. “We ran into each other.” I grabbed my elbow and looked at the ground as Esme spoke. Black iridescent beetles ran along with our shoes, their fantastic wings shimmering. “We’ll be home soon.” He shut the phone, taking a look at my face.

“A peeping tom _and_ a curfew breaker. We had no idea we had such a rebellious teenager in the household.” He chuckled. I groaned, burrowing my face in my hands. He laughed even further, all the energy that had built between us before the phone call washed away. I don’t know what I was more upset about – the fact that I had waltzed in on Edward, broken Esme’s curfew or that the moment between us was gone.

“Is she really upset?” I asked timidly. Edward smiled kindly.

“A little. You’ll have some groveling to do, but Esme doesn’t require much.” His shoes crunched the leaves on the ground as he passed me, and we started out of the wooded enclosure. “She knows you were safe, that’s what matters.” His clothes dripped onto the ground, and he pulled his jacket on. The field of hot springs awaited us, steam rising. Edward turned his head to me, smirking.

“Ready to run?”

I straightened my back. “Last one home is a dripping wet loser?”

A crack of thunder shook the earth just then. Edward’s eyes lit up in delight. “Oh, you’ll regret that one,” He laughed, and took off.

“Hey wait!” I yelled, chasing him. The sky – still that peaceful mix of orange and pink – opened above us and started to pour. Fat droplets of rain fell on my face as I chased after a laughing Edward through the springs and into the forest. Brambles and broken branches scratched at our faces as we ran through the new mud. In the distance, an owl hooted as it found shelter within the treetops. The world around me was a blur, the only thing in front of me was Edward. Soon, I found myself laughing with him, the euphoria of racing with him causing a rush of joy to my brain.

Now I understood why he loved running so dearly, the freedom of going nowhere and everywhere. I knew could potentially beat him, but the pouring rain was hindering me as we dodged low branches. We were both soaked as we sprinted through the never-ending trees. Abruptly, my foot was caught on a particularly tall root, and I tumbled down, striking small trees and tearing them down with the impact of my body. My head crashed into the base of a tall pine, stopping me from tumbling forwards.

“Bella!” Edward yelled, running back when he saw me crash. He leaned over me, concerned. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” I groaned, rain droplets striking me in the face.

Edward grabbed a hold of my arms as I stretched out, pulling me effortlessly as I crashed into his chest. He laughed at our entanglement, and I held my breath at the sudden movement, grabbing onto his forearms as he held me close. His laugh subsided as we gazed at each other, the storm pouring above us and all around us.

Thunder roared and lightning crashed in our ears, but still, we stood there, on a muddy slope of filled with barren trees and soaked to the bone. I shivered then as the cold rainwater started to affect me, and something broke in Edward’s soft face. His hands, hesitant, let go of my arms as my body screamed at him no. He stepped backward from me, nothing betraying his face. I wanted to ask him if something was wrong, but he turned from me then, racing home.

“The last one home is a dripping wet loser!” He reminded me, turning his face back to me and giving me that crooked smile, although it didn’t reach the dimple on his right cheek.

“Edward!” I yelled after him, looking down so I didn’t crash into any more roots. “You cheater!”

I chased after him, carefully this time as we crashed throughout the forest. Birds flew above us, disturbed. Soon we reach the trailhead leading back to the home we shared, and I pumped my legs harder, determined to at least catch up with him. We stormed into the clearing, one after the other, where the house rested and slowed our pace.

I caught up with him finally as he halted near the open garage where Emmett’s Jeep and Carlisle’s Mercedes rested. He shared my confused look as I glanced toward him, and we cautiously crept into the garage and opened the door to the mudroom.

We both left our dirty and wet shoes in the garage to minimize the amount of dirt we’d track into the house. Emmett’s peals of laughter filled the house as we slithered in. Rosalie popped her head into the mudroom, her golden waves pinned in a sleek bun. Her eyes widened in surprise at our state of dress as we both dripped onto the floor, sheepish. She rolled her eyes, walking back out to the kitchen.

“Esme, they’re here! And they’re _soaked_ ,” Rosalie called. Esme rushed into the mudroom as we attempted to shrug off our soaked jackets.

“Oh you two,” She tittered, immediately helping us out. “Alice! Get them some towels!” Esme called.

“Already here,” Alice said, grinning when I jumped. She was already behind Esme with a load of fresh, warm towels.

“I didn’t know everyone was coming today,” Edward murmured, drying his hair. Esme smiled as she helped me dry my pants.

“Neither did we,” She smiled, content.

“They left in the morning to surprise us,” Alice said “They managed to avoid the storm, unlike you two,” She teased.

“You didn’t see them coming?” I asked.

“They kept changing their minds deliberately!” Alice whined, handing Edward another towel. “I hate it when they do that.”

Once we were done drying off, we followed Esme and Alice into the kitchen. Emmett and Jasper looked back at us from where they were sitting in the living room, and Emmett burst into laughter at the sight of Edward and me, slapping his knee. Edward growled slightly, but let it go. Alice skipped over to where Jasper sat and flopped down next to him, burrowing her head into the crook of his neck.

Carlisle walked into the living room, his blonde hair coiffed perfectly. “Edward, Bella, you made it through the storm.”

“Barely by the looks of it,” Emmett teased. “It’ll take hours to get the mud out of your hair Bella,”

Instinctively, I reached for my hair to feel for mud. This set Emmett into another round of giggles. Rosalie rolled her eyes as she sat down beside him. “Leave her alone, Emmett,” She muttered.

“Aw, she knows I’m just teasin’,” Emmett smiled widely at me. Esme tapped me on the shoulder, handing a set of two new towels.

“You’ll both need showers,” She murmured.

“Esme, I am so sorry,” I said, grabbing her hand. “I didn’t mean to be late, I swear.” I lifted my wrist and took off her watch hastily, returning it to her.

Esme gave me an understanding smile. “I know, sweetheart. I forgive you.” Her lips turned up further, and her eyes undertook a mischievous glint. “I’m afraid you’re grounded, however.”

I blinked as Emmett and Jasper started snickering behind me. Edward coughed into his hand, hiding a sneaky laugh. “Grounded?” I asked.

“Bella, I trust you, but you _were_ two hours late,” Esme said firmly, but with a slight smile. “I can’t let you get away with breaking a curfew, _especially_ when you’re a newborn. No going out for three days – the only exception is to hunt.”

“I-i…” I stuttered.

“Esme,” Edward interrupted. “It’s my fault she was late.”

“No buts,” She said. “Now both of you, shower and get into something warm. We’re doing game night when you come down.” Esme patted my shoulder, walking into her room. I turned to Edward and the others, dumbfounded.

“I’m actually grounded?” I asked in a small voice.

Emmett laughed heartily while Rosalie attempted to hide a smirk. “Afraid so. Now you’re _officially_ apart of the family.” Alice cheered as Jasper hid a smile behind his hand. I felt a wave of acceptance and calm rush over me.

“One of us! One of us!” Alice started.

Jasper turned to me, the stress sliding off of me as he sent waves of relaxation throughout the room. “Don’t worry,” He soothed. “She’s not mad at you. Esme’s only trying to keep you from doing something you might regret.” Jasper said, smiling kindly. I gave him a hesitant one, still a little unnerved that I may have upset Esme.

“We’ve all been grounded at some point,” Emmett grins. “I’m currently in the running for first place, so you have plenty of time to play catch up.”

“Well go on you guys,” Alice shooed. “Get changed and come back down so I can kick your ass at _Monopoly_!”

Edward chuckled as I followed him up the stairs to our floor. “We all know I’ll be winning tonight.”

The others booed him as we went up, their voices getting quieter the further we went up. I started to shiver from the cold, damp clothes we were wearing. When we finally reached our respective rooms, we turned to one another, an awkward look on both of our faces. A beat passed – Edward leaned on his door, holding his many towels in one hand.

“I’m sorry about…earlier,” I waved my hands, not wanting to let everyone in the house know what I did.

Edward smiled. “It’s alright,” he chuckled.

“And thank you,” I breathed out. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt so free, running like that.”

A glint enters his eye then. “Come inside for a minute.” Before I can protest, he opens his door and enters. I follow, but I don’t enter his room, choosing to peek my head in instead. He dumps his towels on his couch and ruffles his hair as he looks around. “Ah, there it is,” he mutters, picking up a small notebook that was buried underneath sheet music. He strides over to me and presents it to me.

“I bought this for you,” he murmurs, and my eyes search him before reaching for it. It’s a beautiful forest green leather notebook with vines embossed onto the cover and gilded edgework. The leather is soft, and when I open it I find a note written in a beautiful cursive scrawl on the front endpaper.

_I hope you find freedom within these pages._

_-Edward_

“Edward, this is stunning.” I run my fingers over his note, stopping just over his name.

“I was thinking of how you were reading my journal,” he started. “And I thought you could benefit from having your own.”

“Thank you,” I breathed. Spontaneously, I dropped my towels on the floor outside of his room and hugged him, catching him off guard. “Thank you,” I murmur into his chest. He doesn’t respond, and for a moment I think I may have crossed a boundary, but slowly his arms lift and hug me back, wrapping me tightly within him. His large hands covered my back, and he felt cold through my damp shirt.

“Of course,” He murmurs. I breathe in deeply, taking in all of him. He smelled like the woods, all pine and fresh seedlings popping out of the earth. “I- _we_ all… _care_ for you, Bella.” Slowly, he unwrapped himself from me, stepping away from me.

“We should probably get ready,” he murmured. I nodded, knowing the others wouldn’t wait long before bursting up here and throwing us into the shower if they felt we were being too slow.

“Okay,”

“Okay.” He said. “Wait, Bella?”

“Yes?”

He smiled softly. “I’m sorry I got you grounded.”

I smiled back. “I forgive you.”

I left, shutting his door behind me and heading into my room. The little notebook in my hand felt like evidence that something had shifted between us, and that we were changing right before our very eyes. I just wasn’t sure if it was between the both of us, or if it as just in my head. The shower from Edward’s room groaned with a start, and I heard a soft sigh.

He put up such a front of being stoic in front of his family, but once we were alone, Edward would become playful, teasing me in a way that felt natural and like he’d done it for years. Those moments we shared today – at the hot spring and in the rain – shook me like nothing else. I gained a new look at him, and I wondered how many sides and layers of Edward I would have to explore before finding who he truly was, buried deep underneath his iron shell. I shook my head – I was reading too far into again, the way I already read into things too far when it concerned Edward.

Still, as I washed my hair and body of the dirt I collected today, all I could think of was his handwriting in that empty notebook, filled with promises of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: If you followed me here from FFN, thank you so much. I am thankfully done posting all the previous chapters, and I sincerely hoped you enjoyed this new one! I appreciate your support so much. Please leave a review if you enjoyed, thank you :)


	15. Cogs in the Machine of Destiny

**Disclaimer: Twilight was written and created by Stephanie Meyer.**

* * *

** BELLA **

“Bella!”

The boom of Emmett’s voice carried from his stance near the edge of the woods. I put down my book, leaning my head over the balcony. Emmett laughed when he saw my confused face. “Come down here!” Jasper stood next to him, his messy hair tied in a low bun and arms crossed over his chest.

I shrugged, going back inside and lightly throwing my book on one of the couches. I would just come back later. The house became more alive ever since the arrival of the others. They were only here for a week, on pretenses of visiting Esme as she cared for her sick aunt. Time melted together as we all spent the days and nights lounging. The three days I was grounded was spent in my room, journaling in that beautiful notebook Edward had gifted me. I would occasionally come up for air when Alice and Emmett came upstairs to the attic. It was amusing, seeing Emmett in the little reading chair I had by the window as we all chatted.

Getting to know the others wasn’t as nerve-wracking as I thought. Emmett liked being the funnyman of the family, always teasing and poking where he could without getting whacked by someone. He always had a welcoming smile when he saw me; like he could feel how nervous I was now that the entire coven had convened.

Jasper, as serious as he looked, liked to feed off of Emmett and Alice’s playful energies. He was usually found in his room reading, or coding on his laptop while Emmett played video games. We had a couple of conversations about bloodlust and control, and he gave me insight into what it was actually like hunting humans.

Rosalie wasn’t as welcoming, but she wasn’t actively looking down on me as she was when I was first turned. We greeted each other coolly when we passed each other, and were civil to one another as the family convened each night in the common area. There were moments where I would sit and stare at just how blindingly beautiful she was. At this point, I knew everyone’s life as a human and turning point except for hers. I tried to ask Alice one day, but she refused. “That belongs to Rosalie. It’s up to her when she wants to tell it.”

I walked slowly to the boys, trying to practice walking like a human. I had to get in the habit for my eventual return to society. “Keep your neck up!” Emmett said, meeting me halfway. “It looks more natural that way.” He beamed.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

Emmett’s golden eyes gleaned, and Jasper smirked. “It’s time, cricket.”

I gave him a look. “Uh, time for what?”

“Boot camp kid! You’re going to learn how to fight today.”

I blinked. “Are you serious? Vampires fight?”

Emmett guffawed but Jasper’s face became tight. “We are very serious Bella,” Jasper said. “Vampires can tear each other apart. You must learn to defend yourself.”

“You may be stronger than all of us at the moment,” Emmett started, finally becoming more serious. “But that may mean nothing against an experienced vampire. As a newborn, you’re an impulsive fighter, like a child with a toy sword. You need to be taught control, and how to strike.”

“And when to strike,” Jasper added.

“And _where_ to strike,” Alice said, skipping over to us. I relaxed then, glad to see a familiar face.

“Where’s Rose?” Emmett asked.

“Esme asked her to mess with the central heating, so it may take her a while,” Alice said. Emmett shrugged, and then crouched low all of a sudden, turning to me. I looked at Alice, who nodded her head. I slowly lowered myself in a crouch as well, unsure.

“I have to confess,” I started. “I’ve never fought anyone.”

“The chief didn’t teach you to throw a punch?” Emmett asked.

“He did, once. At least I think he did.” I couldn’t remember if Charlie actually did teach me to throw a hook, or if I was just imagining it.

“No matter,” Emmett said. “I’ll be the defensive for today. I want you to leap at me like I’m a bear.”

I did what he said, flying at his torso. I caught him, and we crashed to the ground with a thunderous crack as our bodies collided. I wrapped my hands around his thick neck, but Emmett kicked me in the abdomen, sending me crashing into the trees. I groaned as branches fell onto me.

“Lesson one: I am _much_ bigger than you.” Emmett laughed.

“You could have fooled me,” I grumbled angrily.

“What did you do wrong?” Jasper quizzed.

“Come down here and agree to this,” I pulled myself up as the others snickered. Dusting the dirt off my shoulder, I noticed small tears in the shirt from the force of being punted like a football by Emmett. I sighed.

“You _almost_ had me,” Emmett said. “But then you left yourself open when you tried to choke me out. Let’s do it again.”

The next couple of hours passed as I was punched, kicked, and thrown into trees by Emmett and Jasper. I was horrible at fighting. According to Jasper, I was too reliant on my newborn strength and wasn’t thinking of strategy. I angrily tried to grab him and proved him right as he sent me soaring into the trees.

“Okay, maybe we should take a break,” Alice said, helping me up and noting the aggression on my face.

“No, I want to keep going,” I said, resolving to be smarter about my moves.

Emmett smacked his palms together, grinning as the sound boomed. “Excellent, now _that_ is the energy I want.”

We crouched low, circling each other like hawks. I could see Esme from the corner of my eye, as she stood to watch by the garage. Her eyes narrowed as they met mine, and her fingers started tapping her legs. I thought she was just nervous, but Jasper snapped his head to where she was. _Legs._

I lunged; bringing Emmett down at his knees. I heard Alice whoop in the background as we wrestled, reaching out of each other’s punches. Finally, I overpowered him enough to get him into a headlock.

Emmett’s hands slapped at me as he tried to get rid of me. “Nice try,” he choked out. Nice try? In my confusion, my arms slacked around his neck, and his leg kicked me in the abdomen – again – and sent me flying.

I landed in the bushes, and I fought my way out of thorny leaves and brambles. Emmett lifted himself from the ground, grinning.

“Almost,” He said. “Not quite there. Want to go again?”

I grinned then, surprising myself. Emmett’s grin became wider, and his laugh soared through the clearing. Alice’s head whipped between the two of us, her excitement growing. Jasper stood with his arms crossed, a smirk growing.

“Yeah, let’s go again.”

* * *

** EDWARD **

Carlisle and I were watching the lessons from inside the study on the first floor. As strong as Bella was, she, unfortunately, had poor form in fighting. While this worried me, Carlisle watched on with amusement.

“Jasper and Emmett will teach her well.” He said, taking note of my stance. “Rome wasn’t built in a day. She’ll learn with time.”

“Still,” I murmured. “It’s jarring to see her out there, trying to fight.”

Carlisle chuckled. “Remember when Jasper and Emmett tried to teach Esme to defend herself? It wasn’t pretty but she got there.” _As much as she was able, at least._

He looks at me, and I see myself through his eyes. Pale, sulking, moody. As I’ve always been. He sees something else though. I look different to him. He’s noticed it since he arrived here a few days ago, ever since I came home in a storm, covered in mud. I’ve felt his eyes watching me, and in his thoughts, he replays all the moments he’s seen me laugh, and smile. He’s noticed that is Esme is deliriously happy whenever she looks upon me, whereas before she used to hold melancholy. He noted that I look for her in every room I enter, and I can’t tear my eyes from her.

I meet his eyes finally, and he understands. Carlisle has always imagined this moment between us. As the others worried about my lack of a partner, he was the only one who understood what it was like, to be alone. I knew he always wanted more for me, but he would never push.

“I’m not just imagining it, am I?” Carlisle asks me, leaning against the piano.

I lean back against the window, watching my shadow appear from behind me. “No,” I answer simply.

He chuckled, looking out against the window as Bella attempted to charge Emmett. “I should have known. Esme said _nothing_ ,” he smiled.

I breathed out a laugh. “I asked her not to. I knew you would figure it out.”

“Do the others know?”

“Alice does. I’m sure Jasper has already felt it, although he hasn’t said a word. I’m not sure about Emmett and Rosalie.” I felt safe saying this in front of Carlisle, despite Rosalie being in the house. She was focused entirely on the heating system, rummaging through her toolbox and her mind whirring with the mechanics.

He nodded, smiling softly and turning to a frame of Esme across the room. “You seemed so much lighter when you burst into the house the other day. I thought maybe it was the thrill of running in the storm. Then you just seemed so different that night.” He was thinking back to it, all of us crowded around that coffee table. He was looking at Bella, who was concentrating on the board. I sat next to her, slyly trying to peek over her shoulder to get a peek of what she was trying to concentrate about. She smacked my arm without looking at me, informing me that just because I could cheat with everybody else doesn’t mean I could cheat with her. Carlisle looked at my face as everyone laughed – even Rosalie – and saw genuine happiness.

“Is this how you felt about Esme? When you turned her?” I asked, sitting on the windowsill.

Carlisle smiled. “Yes. She made me feel…human again. After centuries of learning and philosophy, the one thing that made me feel like a human again was her.”

“And it didn’t scare you?”

“A little,” Carlisle admits. He brings a hand to his hair, pushing it back. “I was afraid of how intense everything had become. I had to protect her, and you. I thought I had to let her grieve as well.” He looks at me knowingly, like he was the one who could read minds. “Which is what I’m assuming you’re doing.”

I sigh. “I can’t just…spring this on her. Two months ago she thought I _hated_ her.”

“And?” He asked me, knowing there was more.

“…she won’t feel the same,” I admit.

“Edward,” Carlisle sighs. He comes over to where I’m sitting by the window, resting next to me. His hand is freezing as he places it on my shoulder. “How can you know that when you won’t tell her?”

I groan as he goes on. “You have to admit it to her at some point. You can’t go on like this.” I look back at everyone outside, cheering on Bella as she swiped at Emmett’s head. Carlisle looked back as well, smiling.

“She’s made a lot of progress since I left.”

“She’s stopped fighting it. At least on the outside. I have no idea what she’s going through in her mind.” I said, trying to stop the bitterness that was leaking from my voice.

“Still nothing?”

I shook my head. “Not a thing.”

“Maybe that’s for the best,” Carlisle said quietly. “Maybe it was in the cards.”

“You think this was destiny?” I asked, a little offended.

“That’s not the right wording,” Carlisle admits. “But you fell in love with the one woman whose thoughts you can’t hear. She is the _only_ person whose thoughts you have never been able to hear. That has to mean something.”

I think back to that fuzzy fever dream when I dreamt of a woman in a mountain clearing. Deep down, I felt there was some weight to what Carlisle was saying, that fate played a hand in bringing Bella to me, but at the cost of her life.

“Do you remember that fever dream I had? Before you turned me?” I asked in a low voice.

Carlisle nodded, thinking back to when I was human and my mind being ravaged from the infection. “You had a dream about a woman-” He stops and looks at me with wide eyes. The sunlight shining on the side of his face was blinding, but I met his eyes and nodded, confirming what he thought.

“We went hunting,” I started. “I met up with the girls later. When I found them, I saw Bella in that clearing, and then I knew I loved her. I finally have a face, and a name to put to that girl after all these years.” I said quietly. “She was the last dream I ever had.”

Carlisle stared at me, his face in disbelief. I felt guilty – the only time he ever held that face was because of me. When he realized I could read his mind, the shock of me leaving to hunt humans during my rebellious phase, and now this. I prodded through his mind, but I was surprised to find his thoughts _joyful_ instead of sad.

“Edward,” he breathed, his voice starting to become overcome with emotion. I bit down on my lip - a habit I was starting to pick up from Bella - to reign myself in. “Can’t you see this was meant to be?”

“I can,” I said. “But fate cost Bella her life, her humanity.” I spit out bitterly.

Carlisle rubbed my back. “If that’s how you think, can’t you see that fate took your life as well?” His voice held no hint of irony or condescension. He simply talked in that philosophical voice of a mentor, a father. “Isn’t fate a bittersweet mistress to us vampires?”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

He sighed. _All this time, you were meant to meet your mate nearly a century after you were turned. If we had known that, would we have Rosalie and Emmett with us today?_

Rosalie was still in the house, finishing up with her mini-project. She wouldn’t appreciate us talking about her in this manner like she was just a cog in the machine of my destiny. We listened and stayed quiet as she cleaned up her space and joined the others outside.

“No,” I said slowly. “But I don’t like the idea that they were only turned because you thought Rosalie would be a match for me or the idea that she suffered her last moments only for everything to be ripped away from her.” I murmured, defending Rosalie. She was brash and abrasive and as kind as barbed wire, but she couldn’t be reduced to just a blip in our lives.

“I’m not suggesting that. I would _never_ suggest something so hurtful,” Carlisle said, defending his daughter. I winced, sorry that I took it the wrong way. “What I’m saying is, if we hadn’t turned them…would our lives have been as full? Would Esme be content with just two daughters and two sons? Would we have laughed as much as we have without Emmett? I don’t think so. I think we would have felt that negative space, something missing from our lives, just as we’ve felt Bella’s absence.”

I nodded, taking in what he was saying. “Fate took from all of us, not just one.” I murmured, finally seeing his point of view.

“Yes,” Carlisle murmured in agreement.

Cheers burst from the outside, and we peered out the window. Bella successfully pinned down Emmett and _kept_ him down. We could hear her growls from here, and Emmett burst into hearty laughs, pushing Bella off of him and helping her to her feet. Alice jumped up and down with excitement for her new sister, as Jasper and Esme smiled and clapped politely. Rosalie said nothing, _hmm_ ing at Bella’s win, which was as respectful she was going to be with her. I saw what Carlisle was talking about, how empty our family would be if we missed even one person. How empty it had felt without Bella.

* * *

We met everyone in the living room as they piled in through the front door. I sat onto one of the couches as chatter filled the space. With everyone congregated in the middle, it felt empty by myself. I thought about getting up again, but Bella looked towards me then and smiled, holding me in place. She slipped from the pack and joined me on the couch, the weight of her sinking in.

“You look happy,” I commented.

“I kicked Emmett’s ass,” She beamed.

“Okay,” Emmett scoffed. “First, I _let_ you win because it was just starting to get pathetic after a while.” The twinkle in his eye and his jovial tone said otherwise. He replayed her winning move in his mind, proud that she’d finally gotten him. I grinned, thoroughly enjoying seeing Emmett taken down. “Tomorrow is a different day though.” He warned playfully.

Bella grinned as well. “Looking forward to it.”

Everyone settled around the room as Bella and Emmett continued to poke at each other, playful barbs on how far they’ll throw each other into the trees. It felt good, to watch Bella get on so well with my family, and to start rebuilding after her ordeal. She felt my eyes on her and glanced toward me. I smiled shyly, and she returned it.

_I hope he tells her soon,_ I heard. I glanced towards Esme, sitting on the floor at Carlisle’s feet. Everyone had gone back to discussing a possible game of baseball. She kept her face stoic, but her mind was buzzing with plans for us. Renovating the attic to make it one large room for us, Bella and I dressed up for a date, a _wedding._

I couldn’t lie to myself. I wanted it all. I wanted to feel her skin under my own, and her fingers threaded into my hair. That thirst I once held for her blood had transformed into a thirst for her and her whole being. Despite it though, hesitancy still reigned in my mind whether she could love me back. The thought of her rejection struck my heart like a silver stake. When Alice brought up Garrett last week, my mind raged at the thought of them being together. My jealousy flared even now, but I beat it back strongly. Jasper gave me a strange look as he picked up on my tumultuous emotions. Alice had been quiet about what she knew, as we both were relying on Jasper to pick up on it himself. Whether Emmett or Rosalie were picking up on it, I didn’t know. I’d been trying to stay out of everyone’s minds since they’d been here. I was hesitant to see myself change right in front of their eyes. I wanted to explore this on my own.

Emmett sighed heavily, leaning into the couch. “Can we skip graduation? I just want to hang out here.”

“Aw, did you miss us?” Alice teased.

“Maybe so,” Emmett chuckled. “Lunch isn’t fun anymore without you guys.”

“At least there’s only one more week,” Jasper said.

Esme looked up at that. “Is it already the end of the school year? Goodness.” _Time has completely slipped by me. I haven’t paid attention at all._ She thought, feeling guilty.

“They cut a couple of weeks from the curriculum, Esme. They thought it was best for the students considering…earlier this spring.” Jasper said, being sensitive to Bella’s emotions. I glanced over at her, her face uncharacteristically stoic. I tried to enter her mind again, to find a weak spot in what is an unpenetrable fortress, but Bella was a general always on guard.

“So now we have finals this week, prom on Friday, and graduation on Saturday.” Emmett gave a rundown.

Esme blanched. “Oh. I was hoping to come down for your graduation.” She felt guilty that she hadn’t been paying her other children much attention since we moved up to Alaska in a hurry.

“I didn’t realize prom was next week,” Alice murmured. Jasper rubbed her back in a soothing manner. _We were all having so much fun here; I wasn’t even paying attention to what was happening in Forks,_ Alice thought, disturbed. _What if I missed something important?_

Bella fidgeted next to me. “Why don’t you all go? I can stay by myself.”

An empty pause filled the room. “Bella, someone does have to be here with you,” Esme said softly. “But thank you for the offering.”

“It’s just a few days, right?” Bella countered. “I could handle that.”

“I could stay with her,” I found myself saying. Alice gave me a knowing look, and I returned it. I was truly shameless – if I had the opportunity to know Bella better on a more private scale, I’d take it in a heartbeat.

“Could you handle that Edward?” Esme asked, trying not to show too much excitement. Jasper raised an eyebrow. I watched him closely as he noted mine and Esme’s emotions. Alice gripped his knee. He leveled his intense stare at Alice, and then to Carlisle. _A mix of happiness and excitement when they should be concerned…_

“He’s done it before,” Emmett shrugged, none the wiser. “Mommy, don’t you want to see me graduate?” He grinned at Esme, who chuckled.

Rosalie twirled her long hair, staring at nothing in particular. _He’s in love with the Swan girl, I should call it now._ She thought.

I froze, staring at her. How did she figure it out before Jasper? Rosalie acknowledged my stare through the veil of her hair, smirking. _I’m right, aren’t I?_

I ignored her, but she refused to be ignored. In seconds, the stuff of my nightmares would take place. “I agree,” Rosalie stated, shocking the rest of the family. “Edward is more than capable of taking care of a newborn. And why should Esme and Alice miss the last of the school year?” She sniffed.

_Edward, does she know?_ Alice asked. I nodded once. _And she’s not making a big deal out of it?_ Alice thought to herself. _Is this her being a wingman? God, we’re in the end times._

It clicked for Jasper then too. _Oh my God, how didn’t I recognize it? He loves her._ He stared at Alice incredulously. _She distracted me this whole time._

Carlisle sat in his place, smiling serenely. _Finally, another daughter._

Esme picked at the carpet. _A week alone…I’ll have to remind Edward how to be a proper gentleman._

Emmett looked around at all of our distracted faces. _Shit, I’m out of the loop on something. At least Bella looks out of the loop too._

“Well then that settles it,” I say, hoping my voice doesn’t sound squeaky. “Alice can go to prom and Esme can go to graduation.”

“Don’t you want to go too, Edward?” Bella asked. I turned to her and gave her a weak smile.

“I don’t have a date for the prom.” I offered, sounding even more pathetic than I thought. She smiled softly.

“Prom is overrated anyways.”

* * *

It was midnight when we all broke for the night. I escaped to my room as soon as I could, slamming the door behind me. I had to escape from Jasper and Rosalie before they could corner me. Rosalie’s steady gaze followed me all the way upstairs as I ran, her thoughts filled with the bitter memory of my rejection. Jasper was rethinking the entire week, trying to recall certain emotions he thought was strange coming from me. He was trying to probe Bella, looking for reciprocal feelings. He would be sorely disappointed when he would find nothing.

I sighed, flopping onto the cold leather that was my couch. From my room, I could hear Alice rummaging through her closet and getting her suitcase ready for a week back in Forks, her earlier thoughts of concern already forgotten. Bella tried to walk slowly up the stairs at a human pace, trying to be more cognizant of her pace. She stopped in front of her door, and I imagined her hand hesitating on the doorknob. I willed her to come to my room instead, to find a moment’s respite with me instead of her thoughts.

A brief knock on the door told me my wish came true. I sat up quickly, telling her to come in. Bella poked her head in the door, smiling shyly.

“Couldn’t sleep?” She asked.

I gave her a wry smile. “No, I can’t seem to get any sleep these days.”

She laughed, joining me on the couch. “Maybe some warm milk would help.”

I grimaced, remembering the smell of milk in the cafeteria and shook my head. She giggled again, nervously wringing her fingers.

“Did you need something?” I ask.

She shook her head, hair falling everywhere. “No, not really. It’s just…” she trailed off. I waited patiently, nodding for her to go on. “Are you sure you don’t want to go with them?”

A beat passed. Before I could stop myself, I reached for her hand and she gave it freely. It was delicate as if she was made from bone china and colder than our surrounding landscapes. “You need someone to look after you, Bella. And I’m fine with missing the end of the school year. At this point, a dog could attend high school and get a diploma.”

She smirked. “You’re okay spending a week alone with me? What if I manage to best you in a fight and run off?” She made no effort to remove her hand from mine.

I gave her a look, semi-serious. “I saw you fight today; you’d lose.”

We both chuckle, hands still intertwined as we sat at opposite ends. Bella scooched closer to me, leaning over our hands. “I _did_ put Emmett into a headlock.” She whispered playfully.

“ _Really_?” I said, matching her tone. “I never thought it was possible. Maybe I _should_ go with the others, who knows what you’ll do to me when we’re alone…”

She laughed again, and I resolved to make her laugh for the rest of my life. Her hand tingled in mine, and I lightly rubbed her bony knuckles with my fingertips.

“So you’re going nowhere?”

I nodded. “I’m staying right here, with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience as I cleaned and edited this chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review!


End file.
